You Sent It: “Patron & Brugal”

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I suddenly have a greater appreciation for “Walk The Plank.”

I was sent “Patron & Brugal” over the weekend. My mouth instantly craved for Ciroc and Simply Lemonade after reading the title. But to be fair to the artist, William Haze, it might not be all his fault.

The only thing I know about Brugal is that a friend – who at the time I wanted to be more than a friend – had a Dominican boyfriend who left a bottle over that I’m assuming they shared. And before you ask no I wasn’t offered any. I’ll let you rate that on your personal shadeometer on your own time.┬áBut, basically I’m already left with a bad taste in my mouth without actually ever trying this brand of rum.

Wait, who am I kidding. Satan could piss Hennessy on me and I’ll be damned if I let that ruin that brown for me. I suppose the same can be said about any potentially good alcoholic beverage. Still, given that I’ve already had a bad introduction to Brugal I need a reason to give it another chance.

This song ain’t it, pimpin’.

I wish I could blame not knowing what in the hell William Haze is saying, but that’s not it. Half the time I never know what Gucci is talking about but I jig, get it big anyhow.

But the beat for this song is irritating as hell. It sounds like something they’ll play to death on LA radio. If you didn’t know already, most LA radio stations stick to Top 40 which means pop-heavy “rap” tracks like this nonsense will be played to death. Boom boom boom my ass.

Of all people to call Haze tapped MIMs? Anything with him on it tends to sober me up at the club. Do you all remember how much they played “This Is Why I’m Hot?” I wished frostbite on many a DJ. I don’t want to knock Fred Flintstone head’s hustle, so I’ll just say I hope he was compensated quite nicely for this track.

I’m going to guess that with the inclusion of MIMS on the track Haze intended to bring black and brown together under the love of various forms of Latino liquor. The “Ebony and Ivory” of club music, if you will. Unfortunately, this is the type of song that could start a race war.

Tensions are already high in certain regions of the country. Wack songs won’t do anything but further aggression. Maybe they should’ve called Pitbull and Plies for a track called “Dick and Doritos.” I’m sure that would’ve been better than this.

Maybe I’m going to have to find a Dominican to put me on game, but as of now the combination of a strong rum and tequila sounds like a battle royale in the belly. And this song, well, it seems like it’s only prepping you for the hangover sponsored headache that’s to come.

As much as I hate this song, I can already tell it will be blasted to death out in Cali and other parts of the country with similar demographics. Shame on everyone in advance.

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