You Sent It: “Pretty Boy Swag”

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I only interpret Soulja Boy’s music in two extremes. Sometimes I’ll say listening to Soulja Boy is like being slapped in the head with a watermelon. And then there are times where I’ll think to myself, “Well, who doesn’t love watermelon margaritas?”

He may talk like a Hooked on Phonics failure, but if the beat goes and the alcohol flows chances are I might be indulge him in his web of foolery. I’d be lying if I denied supermanning you heauxs the very second after I found the instructional video a few years back. In fact, if I could actually remember how the dance went I’d still probably be down to do it if there’s a Flip Cam in my presence.

And then there’s “She Gotta Donk,” which I won’t dance to in public but will appreciate all those around me that choose to.

But this – this shit right here – has left some seeds in my teeth.

The main reason is the obvious: Soulja Boy raps about as good as corn chip flavored feet taste.

Granted, he’s always been the male equivalent of Trina but he’s always been clever enough to guise that with a catchy beat. The beat for this song is not bad at all, but it unfortunately doesn’t do a good enough job of distracting us from Soulja Boy and his awful lyrical content.

Let’s start with:

This right here is my swag/The girls are on me…damn/Everybody pay attention/This right here is my pretty boy swag

And then there are gems like:

I’m pretty boy swagging in the club feeling sexy…no homo.

A guy dancing around a bunch of self-professed “pretty boys” suddenly feels compelled to declare his heterosexuality after saying he feels sexy in the club? Isn’t that kind of like telling folks about your pretty boy swag? If one is OK why not the other?

Heavens to murgatroyd. I’m trying to make sense of Soulja Boy lyrics. Nevermind. To that line I say:

I demand that everyone reading this makes that same face this instant. Don’t let your judgmental co-worker sway you from doing so either.

As for the video itself, I would get on it looks like a high school project, but it’s a recession so I completely understand.

I will point out one last thing, though: This video reminds me of why I sometimes shift my lids to the side when I think about some Atlanta rappers.

In Atlanta you can have ridiculously creative acts like Outkast and Goodie Mob who combine sounds and imagery uniquely their own or you can have people like Soulja Boy who is obviously ripping off another region’s sound.

When D4L and Dem Franchize Boys took off I was instantly annoyed (but I still danced, I’m not crazy) because I knew they were ripping a Dallas sound that had been around years prior and got all the credit for it.

And Yung Joc’s debut album sounded like it was recorded down the street from Frenchy’s Chicken. Houston natives will catch that reference.

In sum, Soulja Boy needs to give Silkk The Shocker his flow back and let Dallas handle the sound if he’s unable to. This dude could’ve at least given me a new stupid dance to love for five minutes. Damn, homie, are you getting lazier on us?

Or to put things more eloquently, allow me to quote YouTube user, xXSeasameSkreetXx:

Dhis sonq is sooo MuahFxckin’ Wack. Well de’ beat is tiqht as fuhh doe. Somebodii needs ta make remix wihd it forrea.

Lyk3 r3a!!y.

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