The Revolution Will Not Be Animated

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When I initially heard about Freaknik: The Musical, my level of excitement rivaled my appetite for a toe nail and tuna sandwich.

So many questions lingered in my head. Why would anyone give T-Pain a cartoon? Why would you theme a cartoon on Freaknik? At 24 how would T-Pain remember Freaknik anyway?

I don’t know why I went against my better judgment and watched this. It literally took only two minutes of viewing to ask the most important question of them all: Why hasn’t anyone handed Jay-Z a glock so he could really kill auto-tune?

I never chimed in on the T-Pain hatred before, but I’m starting to understand the sentiment.

It’s like they took every stereotype and cliche and meshed it with Nickelodeon style animation to make the most offensive cartoon they could create.

Actually, that was exactly what they did and as T-Pain explained to the New York Times, it’s what they were going for:

“There was so much negativity around the idea of Freaknik that we felt like we should push the envelope and make it even more negative.”

Mission accomplished.

There’s the usual band of suspects: Bitches, hoes, niggas, corny white people, references to one mystical all-controlling white man, along with the bougie black brigade who won’t let anyone have any non-uplifting fun.

I imagine this show would like to guise itself as some sort of satirical piece of work, but such an opinion holds about as much weight as an anorexic’s dinner plate.

In perpetuating a bunch of stereotypes T-Pain canceled out the one about all fat people being funny in the process. Even if this show was foolish and marred in stereotypes it still could’ve made you laugh even if it were uncomfortable. T-Pain just doesn’t make me laugh, though.

But wait, I have a compliment: I’m impressed T-Pain was able to put together an animated musical with such a wide array of rappers, singers, and comedians.

Now to make that compliment backhanded: Rounding up a bunch of people to do some stupid shit isn’t all that surprising — especially if it involves a rapper.

Speaking of stupid shit and rappers, I hope God has a sense of humor because if not Lil’ Wayne’s asshole will feel the wrath of an Old Testament-like rod in jail for his portrayal of “Trap Jesus.”

Now that it’s understood that I’m giving this video one finger up, I’d like to discuss this talk of people using this cartoon as proof that Freaknik needs to return to Atlanta.

As Atlanta native, La, explained to me, there are some folks who argue that T-Pain’s creation is proof that the legacy of Freaknik must live in. That the event is good for the local economy, important for city and HBCU morale and is a celebration that deserves its return.

The nice guy in me wants to nod my head and like this and smile.

Unfortunately, the realist in me has outweighed my good heart, and thus I have to ask what kind of degenerate, herpes-infested fool actually believes any of that? Well, the idea of it boosting the local economy sounds about right. The idea of it boosting HBCU morale not so much.

Granted, being only a year older than T-Pain I can’t pretend that I’ve experienced Freaknik. But, like him I’ve seen videos and heard plenty of stories. You know as cool as some of those stories sound (that is, if you’re into the smell of tuna, BBQ, and used condoms), I have an even better story to share:

Nearly one in every two African American women ages 14 to 49 has genital herpes, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Tuesday. Overall, two out of every five blacks in that age group carry the virus, and one out of every six Americans, the agency announced at an STD Prevention Conference in Atlanta.  The proportions have not changed since the agency’s last estimate for the period 1999 to 2004. About 80% of those who carry the virus do not know they are infected. Women appear to be particularly susceptible to infection, with 21% of women infected, compared with 11.5% of men.

Nothing screams good times like a permanent bump.

So for all of you trying to make this ratchet cartoon into some sort of movement for the return of Freaknik to Atlanta, think long and hard about that bedtime story I just shared with you. Then look down and scratch.

In the meantime, while you start Googling symptoms you all can check out the cartoon and share your thoughts:

Not all fuckery is created equal, though I liked the Mariah reference.

Now c’mon nah, I know ya’ll have something to say.

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