Baltimore, Get Your Girl

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Harpo, who this woman?

Judging from the way she pronounced “YouTube” it was easy to peg her as a resident of (Baltimore) Baldamo, Murrland. Or as she and other choice locals like to call it, Bodymore, Murderland. With a nickname like that it’s no wonder the town also branded as Charm City is such a tourist haven.

Let me quit clowning before I get a bunch of hollow points left in my comment section. Some of my favorite people on Earth are from Baltimore. This girl, however, isn’t one of them.

To be fair, she’s not a bad rapper at all. She has some issues with breath control but given the size of her stomach I can understand why. That’s either a baby in her belly or a 20 piece nugget at McDonalds.

If it’s the latter, I can’t blame her: A deal is a deal. Had a friend not told me one late night on a post-club excursion to Mickey D’s, “Michael do you really want to eat that?” I might have fallen victim myself. Still, let’s not make reference to calories in our rhymes. Less is more. Figuratively and literally, baby.

Nevertheless rapper Keys’ eating habits or baby making plans aren’t the problem, her pushing beef for publicity is.

Although I’m fallen under Nicki Minaj’s spell I can see why some people still don’t like her. The Barbie thing is a stretch for someone to push at her age, but evidently it’s working. Working so well Keys took the time to film a video in front of the projects to diss the hell out of her.

Maybe it’s because I’ve already contemplated legally changing my name to Mickey Minaj for at least six months for the hell of it, but I don’t think this girl’s diss is all that impressive.

Yes, she can spit but she’s essentially calling Nicki Minaj childish and saying she’s too old for toys yet she’s ranting about busting guns and robbing folks.

Really? Are we still on that kick? If someone is more about busting guns and robbing folks, how about they go ahead and do that instead of rhyming about it? That way said folks can go ahead and get locked up or be shot down and we can all be put out of our respective miseries.

If that sounds too harsh it’s in response to a girl rapping about murdering someone she doesn’t even know all in the name of getting a bunch of people who won’t actually go out and buy her stuff to co-sign on YouTube.

Yet she says she’s not about the fame. If you’re that real be real about your intentions.

One thing I like about Nicki Minaj is that even if she’s too playful for some, I’d rather entertain that than some potentially pregnant chick standing outside the projects talking about glocks and rocks and how she’s “real lyrical.” Curse the teachers who left this child behind.

I’m so over this hooder than thou bullshit.

So what if you played with guns. So what if you toted rocks. So what if claim the hood got you. In the end you’re just some random chick responding to a purported rap blow up doll that’s never going to give you the time of the day.

Now, now…roger that.

P.S. I wub you, B-More folk. I know one person doesn’t represent the whole city. If it did, you all would think my city was full of Mikes Jones’ and Slim Thugs. Gimme some crab (no infection) and let’s hug it out.

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