Monday, March 15, 2010
3:29 PM

Baltimore, Get Your Girl

Harpo, who this woman?

Judging from the way she pronounced “YouTube” it was easy to peg her as a resident of (Baltimore) Baldamo, Murrland. Or as she and other choice locals like to call it, Bodymore, Murderland. With a nickname like that it’s no wonder the town also branded as Charm City is such a tourist haven.

Let me quit clowning before I get a bunch of hollow points left in my comment section. Some of my favorite people on Earth are from Baltimore. This girl, however, isn’t one of them.

To be fair, she’s not a bad rapper at all. She has some issues with breath control but given the size of her stomach I can understand why. That’s either a baby in her belly or a 20 piece nugget at McDonalds.

If it’s the latter, I can’t blame her: A deal is a deal. Had a friend not told me one late night on a post-club excursion to Mickey D’s, “Michael do you really want to eat that?” I might have fallen victim myself. Still, let’s not make reference to calories in our rhymes. Less is more. Figuratively and literally, baby.

Nevertheless rapper Keys’ eating habits or baby making plans aren’t the problem, her pushing beef for publicity is.

Although I’m fallen under Nicki Minaj’s spell I can see why some people still don’t like her. The Barbie thing is a stretch for someone to push at her age, but evidently it’s working. Working so well Keys took the time to film a video in front of the projects to diss the hell out of her.

Maybe it’s because I’ve already contemplated legally changing my name to Mickey Minaj for at least six months for the hell of it, but I don’t think this girl’s diss is all that impressive.

Yes, she can spit but she’s essentially calling Nicki Minaj childish and saying she’s too old for toys yet she’s ranting about busting guns and robbing folks.

Really? Are we still on that kick? If someone is more about busting guns and robbing folks, how about they go ahead and do that instead of rhyming about it? That way said folks can go ahead and get locked up or be shot down and we can all be put out of our respective miseries.

If that sounds too harsh it’s in response to a girl rapping about murdering someone she doesn’t even know all in the name of getting a bunch of people who won’t actually go out and buy her stuff to co-sign on YouTube.

Yet she says she’s not about the fame. If you’re that real be real about your intentions.

One thing I like about Nicki Minaj is that even if she’s too playful for some, I’d rather entertain that than some potentially pregnant chick standing outside the projects talking about glocks and rocks and how she’s “real lyrical.” Curse the teachers who left this child behind.

I’m so over this hooder than thou bullshit.

So what if you played with guns. So what if you toted rocks. So what if claim the hood got you. In the end you’re just some random chick responding to a purported rap blow up doll that’s never going to give you the time of the day.

Now, now…roger that.

P.S. I wub you, B-More folk. I know one person doesn’t represent the whole city. If it did, you all would think my city was full of Mikes Jones’ and Slim Thugs. Gimme some crab (no infection) and let’s hug it out.

Labels: stan game proper
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3:29 PM | 21 Comments

21 COMMENTS

  • Delita

    March 15, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    I was hoping you correct yourself because this doesn’t represent all Baltimore (pronounced Baltimore)! She was a hot mess……

  • sickwitit

    March 15, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    #word #chuuch #tabernacle

  • chelle

    March 15, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    Keys jackets are too small.

  • J2201987

    March 15, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    I didn’t click play, for the sake of my sanity, but I agree about these YouTube sensations going on in on (pseudo)celebs just for the sake of hits needs to chill.

    BTW that Ice Cube gif slayed my f*cking soul.

  • March 15, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    [...] CONTINUE READING AT THE CYNICAL ONES Girl Bye!, We Do This For The Hood, You Don't Want No Problems Cause Pussy Hoe I'll Solve Em! | postCount('29629'); | postCountTB('29629'); | Email This Post [...]

  • March 15, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    You are killing me right now! But seriously, what the hell does she actually think she’s celebrating? Ugh…

  • VaunTV

    March 15, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    I still say Keys slayed lol j/k she did make me laugh tho #dontjudgeme lol

  • sunshyne84

    March 16, 2010 at 3:54 am

    *giggles* at hooder than thou
    I prefer my Baldimo ppl to sing about fudge like Dru Hill, wait….. um don’t say nothin bout that

  • March 16, 2010 at 11:52 am

    LMAOOOOO. Mike!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • The Dyv

    March 16, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    Great points, Mike!!
    Let me school you for a quick sec on the dialect, homie. “Murland” is how we say it in the DMV. I grew up in the DMV and went to college in Bmore (what we call it in the DMV) and neither one of us say Baldamo…LOL

  • Michelle

    March 17, 2010 at 1:29 am

    Your article was hilarious and insightful. People need to stop this thuggish posturing as if it’s a measure of their worth.

  • Justin

    March 17, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Wow. Your ignorance along with that of your readers is actually entertaining. I’m going to assume here that you did not grow up in the “projects” or anywhere near them for that matter based on your insight on what Keys was rapping about.

    To you or your readers it may seem “childish” for a no-name like Keys to call out a mainstream rapper for publicity. The simple fact is that YOU aren’t able to understand what she was saying, or why she said it to begin with. She lives in a place where I’m sure you wouldn’t survive very long at all. There are people with serious talent from places where struggle, drugs, violence, and guns are a way of life. So for you to sit here on your high horse and judge her or where she is from is pretty funny to me.

    She is a no-name rapper from the hood that is calling out someone famous on their lack of skills (in Keys opinion). She didn’t do it for fame, or to prove she’s “hooder than thou”. She did it to prove to the public that Nicki Minaj is a bubblegum rapper that has to have someone like DRAKE write her rhymes to give people the false impression that she actually may be mildly talented.

    Before you write your next article safely behind your computer, please be a little more aware that some of us have actually come from places that Keys was rapping about.

    Have a great day,

  • March 17, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    It’s commentators like you that make it difficult for me to sometimes let readers have the final word.

    But briefly:

    You don’t know where I grew up, what I’ve seen, who raised me, or any of my experiences. You’re assuming such based on the way I wrote my entry, which makes you just about as guilty as you’re claiming me to be now. Forgive me for not enjoying someone putting down an artist who opts for a “bubblegum” image versus whatever her life story is. Her life may be hers, but the same can be said of Nicki’s and one doesn’t have to negate the other. I defend people’s right to say what’s true to them all the time. What your little – and it’s very little – diatribe just did was show that snooty bullshit allegations work both ways. Flip heads and it will expose the ass you’ve just shown everyone reading — right behind the comfort of your computer.

    I’m glad you were entertained. Thank you for reading. You have a great day as well.

  • Sameishn2010

    March 18, 2010 at 12:06 am

    LMAO great article. And it’s people like these “hooder than thou” rappers and their ignoramus supporters like “Justin,” that make me sick. Too busy glorifying the hood to better it. Priding yourself on making environments impossible for our youth to prosper in. Idiots like that is the reason why rappers like “Keys” feel the need to still show you how hard they hard in comparison to someone else. Im so sick of that mentality, especially amongst black people. Think Nicki Minaj is fake and a bad representation? Rap about what you feel people should be hearing. Celebrate the fact that you’re from the hood and am making something out of nothing and are overcoming the struggle. That’s keeping it “real.” Don’t care about the fame? Rap about that instead of Nicki Minaj. She’d get more respect. But of course, there’s no come up or “hood points,” in that. Smh

    Didn’t even listen to the video, heard one diss track, heard them all lol

  • March 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    [...] Bodymore, Murderland  if you like wearing ill fitting jackets from Rue 21 while [...]

  • March 19, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    This is the post you told me about the other day? I didn’t watch the video, but I can imagine what she sounds like. Wow… just wow.

  • Sancoperla

    March 20, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    She was pretty nice with the lyrics, but this line “I’m so over this hooder than thou bullshit.” Pretty much summed it all up. Somebody should put it on a T-Shirt.

  • April 10, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    LET ME SUM THIS UP!!!!!!!

    WE ALL LOVE HIP HOP SO MUCH. IT IS SOMETHING THAT WE YOUNG BLACK URBAN PEOPLE CREATED, AND IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL ARTFORM THAT WE ARE TIRED OF SEEING CORPORATIONS AND GREEDY NIGGAZ DESTROY IT. I HATE TO HEAR NICKI TALK OR RAP. NICKI MINAJ SHOULD NOT BE A RAPPER. PERIOD. SHE CANNOT RAP. JUST ABOUT EVERYONE BELIEVES THIS EXCEPT THE DUMB MUTHERFUCKER WHO WROTE THIS ARTICLE. (

    (((((((((((((((((THE GIRL WHO DID THE DISS GETS PROGRESSIVELY ILLER TOWARD THE END OF THE RAP, AND I WANT TO HEAR MORE!!!!))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • Love

    April 15, 2010 at 12:23 am

    The words that came out of the girl Keys mouth were witty and somewhat entertaining… just like it was entertaining in junior high when u watched a fight after school.”ooohhh!” That in no way makes it ok! in NO WAY. we all see what those innocent fights have turned in to. * R.I.P Derrion Albert (sp?)

    With that said, Keys needs to impress me in some other way. Anybody can make up something that rhymes, talking shit about the next person when you’ve had a chance to watch them. SO WHAT??? Then Nicki takes shots back talkin about keys big belly, small jacket or face/hair-do…. THEN WHAT??!?!? mix in a few witty lines in between and you still get more “oooohs!”… but WHERE does it stop. Ok Keys… you so called “bodied” nicki in your lil rant…. WHERE IS THE REST OF THE MUSIC???? You need to remember that when nicki came out (underground days) it was song after song. The music I heard on the youtube channel was O.K. at best. so ummm.. yeah.

    i wouldn’t be surprised if sm1 associated with a label put her up to this. If a full record comes out too soon we already know what it is. ok lemme stop. this aint my blog

  • Jonathan

    November 26, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    I’m sorry but Keys killed it! Point Fuckin blank!!! To me a record deal and all dat don’t mean shit to me. Rap is rap whether you’re signed or not. Personally….I believe Nicki Minaj is nothing more than an entertainer. Her songs are good, I must admit, but not lyrically speaking! Her lyrics make no sense but rather they just entertain listner. She makes up words and has the flow of nursery rhyme. It’s pitiful how she rose to the top as a “rapper”. Keys it intelligent in her rhymes and the vocabulary she uses is extremely extensive and, should I say, a whole lot more creative versus nicki whom actually can’t even freestyle. It’s sad. Before you make the statement ” I just single handedly killed every rap bitch in the buildiing”, think about the heart you’re gonna catch afterwards. Keys, as a female who takes rap to heart, had every right to come at her after that and I’m behind every single thing she says. DAMN AMERICA IS STUPID THINKING NICKI CAN ACTUALLY FUCKIN RAP….WTF!!! GONE ARE THE DAYS OF LIL KIM, REMY, QUEEN LATIFAH, AND SALT AND PEPPER…now there is just ‘BARBIE”. BUT AT LAST….THERE IS HOPE FOR THE FEMALE RAP GAME….LET’S GO KEYS!!! I SUPPORT U 100!

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