You’re As Deep As A Wad of Spit, Shut Up

A lot of ya’ll get on my damn nerves trying to be the new Iyanla Vanzant.

It’s a pattern I’ve noticed for months on Twitter and Facebook: Everyone assuming they need to type like a motivational speaker. The same can be said of certain talk show hosts who feel as though that every single thing has to be made into something larger than it actually is.

Everyone wants to be a poet, philosopher, and quote pimp. To that end here’s a nice quote for you folks: “Everything ain’t for everybody.”

So many want to come across as “deep.” I hate that word. So very, very much. Such hatred is rooted in my belief that most of the people who pegs themselves and their conversations as such tend to be about as deep as my tongue in Snoop from The Wire.

It’s posturing at the worse level and I cannot wait until the trend dies.

Things are so bad now that I feel like I’m being bombarded with a bunch of magnets and Hallmark cards throughout the day. I get it: You want to be perceived as insightful.

Unfortunately, the more some people talk the more I feel that a dead Forrest Gump has more enlightening things to say than the whole lot of living folks.

Everyday there’s a new Reverend Run quote that points out the obvious. He’s a nice guy, but I’m beginning to think if I started calling myself Reverend Sinick and tweeted musings like, “The sky is blue, but you don’t have to be” people would declare me Maya Angelou with a piece.

Then you have the people who try to one up everyone else.

They’ll post something like this:

“You know, as the good book says, ‘Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire. My love is blind, can’t you see my desire?’”

And swear that the just wrote the sequel to the Bible. Shut your silly ass the hell up and quit trying. We all bought janet., too.

It’s one thing to share a song lyric, some religious text, movie line, what have you with others. That’s something that reads as natural. What isn’t natural, though, is this increasing desire to sound deeper than the next. Let it happen organically, and if it never does, that’s OK – not everyone is meant to sound like a poet laureate.

These antics read as all too similar to people who try to “smarten up” basic sentiments that could be conveyed in much smaller and better terms.

For example, ever heard some fool will chime in with something like, “I feel as though my stomach is having some internal jousting.”

Uh, bitch, just say you’re hungry or that you need a minute and a dose of Pepto-Bismol. I understand you can read. Gold star for you.

By no means do I seek to sound like a sourpuss. I don’t encourage people to walk around in negativity so if refrigerator wisdom motivates you then you keep doing you.

At the same time, don’t be so pressed to project a certain image of yourself. Most of us with common sense can tell you’re trying too hard…and that you come across as a jackass.

And while I have your attention, this same logic applies to people who rehash rhetoric from yesterdecade. A lot of us see through that, too. It didn’t work then, it won’t work now. I’d rather listen to Boosie than all of that tired bullshit. That’s a shot at people black and white. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to annoyance.

Now repeat after me:

This works on TGIF, not so much every hour on the hour.

…and scene.

Comments

  1. Zett says:

    I like to RT the worst of those Religious-based artificial depth Tweets with choice Jay-Z lyrics.

    My fave being “What you eat don’t make ME shit”.

    It gets em confused, and then they call me an Illuminati Puppet.

    As an unemployed bitch, I need the laughs!

  2. sickwitit says:

    yaaaass, negros and there damn sayings

    “karma is a bitch” – she aint the only one…

    “god dont like ugly” – but he created you…

    “they tryna have they cake and eat it too” – thats what you do wit cake…

    “life is like a box of chocolates” – i cant…

  3. Third Eye says:

    That’s beauty of the internet. People can pretend to be other than what they are. You can be as “deep”, “attractive” and “popular” as you desire. Twitter and Facebook gives socially akward weirdos wings.

  4. Conscious_Media says:

    You are always right on time with your posts! These are the people that need a healthy dose of STFU soup.

  5. VIctoria Page says:

    Preach!!! I am about to start deleting “friends” on facebook for this very reason. Every update does not have to be your opportunity to be the next Maya Angelou….sheesh!

  6. chelle says:

    Please forward this to Monique, Monica,Jadakiss(his deep song”Why” from a few years back blew me) as well as Tyler Perry.

  7. Dr Kiti says:

    Can you please add the term ‘powerful’ to your list of words to hate? Deep no longer exists to me but ‘powerful’ still flies around my circle. Can you do a post for that one too? As one graduate to another aren’t you sick of Becky and Chad reading ‘The Bluest Eye’ for the first time and suddenly understanding how ‘powerful’ Black Lit is? Or am I alone on that one? Does anyone else feel me?

    You always know just what i need to read XD

  8. Kjen says:

    Sorry, Cynic you might just need to unplug if you’re waiting for this “trend” to die. B 4 facebook, twitter, etc ( you know, waaaayyyyy back when), people actually spoke in trite platitudes – “god works in mysterious ways”, “stay positive”, “don’t worry, be happy”. Its just now on the ‘net, you’re liable to run into the same empty saying in 10 minute span, versus over the course of a few days.

    Plus, platitudes make for great filler content from twitter to facebook to blogs, and since everyone’s a writer nowadays and suffer from writer’s block most of week…..

  9. Wade says:

    Sorry Mike, but I have to play devil’s advocate here and say if they bug you so much, why not just unfollow them or delete them from your friend’s list?

    Personally, I’m not on any of the social networking sites (i.e. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc), so maybe I just don’t understand the magnitude of it. But if it really bothers you that much, just stop following them.

    But that’s just my two cents…*shrugs shoulders*

  10. VaunTV says:

    i 100% Agree i hate when ppl do that lol like its alright you dont have to be overly philosophical just say ish lol

  11. JA QT says:

    LOL…THANK YOU…my friend was just complaining about this very thing…I just found your blog and i’m spreading the word by passing this on to her. HIL-AR-IOUS!!!

  12. Krystal says:

    Lmao, not too long after i read this, someone tweeted, “If it aint the truth, it’s a lie…” I never wanted to e-chrisbrown someone so fast.

  13. BStuyboi says:

    Wade, that’s the point. On these social networking sites, it’s impossible to avoid reading them. So, by your logic he would have to delete 99% of his friends, I’m sure. Basically it’s annoying and omnipresent, and oh yeah ANNOYING.

  14. MzVirgo says:

    I agree. Not everyone can be an Erykah Badu or an Andre 3000 and be so deep and spiritual.

    It also annoys me that people quote Jay-Z rap lyrics (“men lie, women lie, numbers don’t” seems to be the one tweeted the most). As if he is the only one who has interesting quotes. Why can’t people make up their own quotes?

  15. QJR says:

    I think I know my Facebook April Fool’s joke for this year now.