You’re As Deep As A Wad of Spit, Shut Up

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone

A lot of ya’ll get on my damn nerves trying to be the new Iyanla Vanzant.

It’s a pattern I’ve noticed for months on Twitter and Facebook: Everyone assuming they need to type like a motivational speaker. The same can be said of certain talk show hosts who feel as though that every single thing has to be made into something larger than it actually is.

Everyone wants to be a poet, philosopher, and quote pimp. To that end here’s a nice quote for you folks: “Everything ain’t for everybody.”

So many want to come across as “deep.” I hate that word. So very, very much. Such hatred is rooted in my belief that most of the people who pegs themselves and their conversations as such tend to be about as deep as my tongue in Snoop from The Wire.

It’s posturing at the worse level and I cannot wait until the trend dies.

Things are so bad now that I feel like I’m being bombarded with a bunch of magnets and Hallmark cards throughout the day. I get it: You want to be perceived as insightful.

Unfortunately, the more some people talk the more I feel that a dead Forrest Gump has more enlightening things to say than the whole lot of living folks.

Everyday there’s a new Reverend Run quote that points out the obvious. He’s a nice guy, but I’m beginning to think if I started calling myself Reverend Sinick and tweeted musings like, “The sky is blue, but you don’t have to be” people would declare me Maya Angelou with a piece.

Then you have the people who try to one up everyone else.

They’ll post something like this:

“You know, as the good book says, ‘Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire. My love is blind, can’t you see my desire?’”

And swear that the just wrote the sequel to the Bible. Shut your silly ass the hell up and quit trying. We all bought janet., too.

It’s one thing to share a song lyric, some religious text, movie line, what have you with others. That’s something that reads as natural. What isn’t natural, though, is this increasing desire to sound deeper than the next. Let it happen organically, and if it never does, that’s OK – not everyone is meant to sound like a poet laureate.

These antics read as all too similar to people who try to “smarten up” basic sentiments that could be conveyed in much smaller and better terms.

For example, ever heard some fool will chime in with something like, “I feel as though my stomach is having some internal jousting.”

Uh, bitch, just say you’re hungry or that you need a minute and a dose of Pepto-Bismol. I understand you can read. Gold star for you.

By no means do I seek to sound like a sourpuss. I don’t encourage people to walk around in negativity so if refrigerator wisdom motivates you then you keep doing you.

At the same time, don’t be so pressed to project a certain image of yourself. Most of us with common sense can tell you’re trying too hard…and that you come across as a jackass.

And while I have your attention, this same logic applies to people who rehash rhetoric from yesterdecade. A lot of us see through that, too. It didn’t work then, it won’t work now. I’d rather listen to Boosie than all of that tired bullshit. That’s a shot at people black and white. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to annoyance.

Now repeat after me:

This works on TGIF, not so much every hour on the hour.

…and scene.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone