You Sent It: Kat Stacks Can’t Read

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Though I read the name “Kat Stacks” a few times last week, I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. However, now that I’ve seen this video I can say it no longer matters what the previous definition of “Kat Stacks” was. I think we can all agree that “Kat Stacks” should be the name of the next newly discovered STD.

I don’t knock Karrine Steffans hustle in theory (or do I?), but dammit if it I don’t hate how she’s inspired so many would be sequels to her heaux-shit empire.

This girl – who actually looks like the shim who had to tape himself down on Top Model – is one of those unfortunate souls who seeks social status via sex with famous rappers. Or in her case, famous rappers and their sidekicks.

I know it’s hard to make out what she’s saying given she speaks English about as well as a deaf person from Guadalajara, but Kat Stacks is complaining about the lack of stacks members of Young Money have. She’s surprised that rappers most people can’t name aren’t rolling in dough. She’s mortified to discover that Gudda Gudda, Mack Maine, and others are totally living off Lil’ Wayne. In his house, eating his food, and like…acting like a member of most rapper entourages. Bless her heart for shedding light on the obvious.

Now while Ms. Stack My Chip Crumbs with My Vadge obviously didn’t strike gold with the hip-hop paupers, as she makes it known she did get some money after spreading them wide for rap’s male answer to the Octomom.

Or as she eloquently put it:

“Yes, bitch, I been to Lil’ Wayne’s crib. I been fucked that nigga, that nigga gave me twelve hundred muthafucking dollars, hoe.”

Did ya’ll catch that part? Bitch she got $1200 out of a multi-millionaire, hoe!

I bet you’re seeping with jealousy. That or you’re spraying your screen with Lysol. Hopefully a few of those dollars goes to the good people who created Hooked on Phonics.

Or perhaps a good attorney given there seems to be some legal issues surrounding one of her many conquests. Anytime you have to say you checked someone’s ID before you smashed chances are you had no business being with them anyway. Learn from Mary Kay Letourneau, Kay Stacks.

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I wish I understood why male celebrities deal with simple groupies like her. I mean, I know what head they’re thinking with, but there has to be plenty of women with enough sense to play a game of duck duck goose without getting confused out there, right?

Oh, and if you have any fears that I might potentially take a sharp object to my wrist over this girl claiming she has a book on the horizon, fret not. She said:  “I’m getting a lot of book deals and movie deals.”

The closet she’s going to get to a book deal is an image in a new pamphlet at her local free clinic. As for that movie deal, thanks to Flip Cam we can all be movie stars, now can’t we?

Say a prayer for this girl and all those who will surely follow her footsteps and infection rate.

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