Is This A Dance or a Commercial?

As I sit in here as the lone black face in this coffee shop I stopped and asked myself, “How can I embarrass my race today?” OK, so that’s not what I was thinking but you have to own the fact that you’re doing so once you log on to World Star Hip Hop in a public place. In the midst of ass and fuckery themed videos on the site I found what looks to be potentially my new favorite dance.

I say potentially because this instructional video is way too long. Does it really take ten whole minutes to teach a dance called 2 step double? We’re not about to waltz in the club, are we?

One reason why this video is long is it starts off with them giving us an introduction. Yeah, that could’ve been done with a caption. I don’t need to know the last four digits of your social. Just teach me the damn dance.

Nor do we need the dialogue. “What’s up, girl? You ready?” “Oh yeah, I’m ready.” Evidently ya’ll are all ready because the camera is turned on. So much that you practiced these lines. Two points for you getting your straight-to-DVD acting, but get to the point.

Do you see that? I’m already losing focus on why I’m watching this.

Once they finally get to the dance I start to get concerned. Dance on your heels? I’m tall and chances are I won’t do this until I’m in a club under the influence of my whispering friend, Vodka. One false move and I’ll be doing the stanky legg for the rest of my life. Obama signed the reform bill, but I still don’t have insurance anymore. I’m not playing with fire (re: ER bill).

Now to be fair, the girl that looks like Sho’Nuff’s daughter is getting it. However, she and the lost Fly Girl are getting a whole bunch of dances. She’s two stepping, she’s dancing on her heel, she’s dropping it and picking it back up. We all do that in the club in a fifteen minute span. Can I call that a new dance, too?

Then comes her uncle with the cat daddy spin and dougie. Did these folks create a dance by watching 106 & Park with their kids? It sure seems that way.

Or this is a commercial for their unlicensed dance academy run out of one of their grannies’ garage? I’m not quite sure because the link enclosed at the end leads to a site selling cheap CDs of people I’ve never heard of.

I guess they sponsored the fee to get on the site.

So here I am typing as I’m watching this left with the feeling that I’ve been hoodwinked. Bamboozled even. I haven’t learned anything. I’d wish them a stub toe but considering I got hit by an uninsured [redacted] last week I don’t want to take my chances.

Someone tell me there actually is a real way to do this dance? I’ve really been trying to find a new ign’t anthem to dance in the parking lot to. I’m mad I’m not going to get to practice this in the coffee shop like I planned to. I was hoping that would help me in my goal to make white friends in LA.

In the meantime, leave your feedback on this and tips for the other goal.