Wednesday, March 31, 2010
9:37 PM

Ten Thoughts on Nicki Minaj’s Massive Attack

I’m forcing myself to like this Nicki Minaj single. When I first heard it I can’t say that I was exactly sold on it. I was expecting something more “fun” considering it’s Nicki Minaj’s first official single and her lighthearted persona is what’s made her such a rising star even before the release of her debut album. I wanted a song that would make me get out of the car at a given stop light and make some quick gas money.

But, “Massive Attack” is what she went with and this is the video for it. It’s no “Shit’n On You Hoe,” but here’s my break down:

1. I see Ms. Soon-Lee’s finest, an aerial shot, a desert and a foreign car. Someone’s got a video budget in the decade of the decline.

2. Wow. Look at that ass. Someone got the Lola Monroe special. Too bad she’s not completely adept at showing off her new model yet. She knows too many queens not to know how to toot that thang up and make it roll.

3. Who exactly are we attacking here? Gwen Stefani? Missy Elliot? Lil’ Kim? Hype Williams’ legacy?

4. Not only do we not need to see Sean Garrett in the video, he doesn’t need to be on the hook. If Hype Williams loved Nicki Minaj he would’ve told him the wrong day to show up on set. Grab a Ken Doll and make ‘her’ teach you how to pop that ass, Nicki.

5. Oooh, I see Amber Rose. All is right in the world now. Forget Hov and Bey, these two right here are hip-hop’s hottest couple. I think I get the video now: Massive attack via dental dam?

6. Wait, Nicki’s random facial expressions are normal now, but what are the other dudes doing? That’s the same shit I do when I get a new bill from Sallie Mae.

7. I still don’t know what the hell a Tom Tom is.

8. Oh, I remember that green wig. Lil’ Kim must have had a garage sale recently.

9. I still don’t really know what’s going on. Maybe I should’ve watched this after Happy Hour.

10. Wow. She really does have a big ole ass. My gay ass would smack the shit out of it if I didn’t worry it would knock one of her inflatable cheeks out. Don’t tell Nicki I said that. It’s not fetch. I hope I said that correctly.

In sum, uh it’s cute or at least it will be to me by Saturday. The song is already growing on me so I will make myself love this video, too. No one calls me Mikei Minaj for nothing.

Labels: review
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 9:37 PM | 20 Comments

20 COMMENTS

  • March 31, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    I can’t like this song or Nicki Minaj. My soul won’t let me.

  • March 31, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    I was expecting something more fun as well, but this song is growing on me. All day to day I’ve had the lines “We got tom toms over here bigger than a monster” and I still don’t know what that means.

  • Madame Zenobia

    March 31, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    It’s “different” (or trying to be) for the sake of being “different” (or trying to be). This chit gave me a headache. Got to the jungle scene and cut it off; surprised I was able to take that much. :(

  • Alterego

    March 31, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    I’m sorry that video AND song is a HOT steaming pile of SHIT! …most entertaining thing on it was Nicki’s belt falling off. Hype Williams just shot all his credibility to hell!

  • Lilmissb

    April 1, 2010 at 12:37 am

    1. She needs to cut Lil’ Kim a check

    2. Tom-Toms are drums

    3. I lost 3:19 of my life & 6 brain cells that I’ll never get back, shit I need to be cut a check too.

  • Cassie

    April 1, 2010 at 9:37 am

    I’m super shocked that no one has called out the fact that she is doing Kim circa the 90′s…..I mean seriously…I think Nikki is alright, but people are acting like she is the second coming of Jesus….I agree with LilMissB she needs to give Kim royalties for stealing her life!

  • April 1, 2010 at 9:54 am

    [...] joke on Young Money.  In today’s busy world who has time to sit down and edit video? Allow Young Sinick to [...]

  • T

    April 1, 2010 at 11:35 am

    I really liked your blog, but you should really lay off the Nicki Minaj posts. You kinda lost me when you insulted a chick for insulting Nicki, hating to defend hate is not a good look (you even commented on the chicks weight…). You dont even seem to really like her music, you just seem to constantly defend her authenticity. Whatever your reason for loving/defending/discussing Nicki Minaj has been totally lost on me, whether you enjoy her music or not…she’s not the second coming.

  • April 1, 2010 at 11:45 am

    Thank you for reading.

    I like her music.

    No, I won’t stop writing about Nicki Minaj.

    I write what I please.

    That same privilege applies to which posts you read.

  • Nat

    April 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    I just need for someone to tell me what this song is about? Please help me. It is a rap about the randomness of random. What the theme?

  • Dr Kiti

    April 1, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Tom toms are drums, to my understanding.

    @ Michael: ‘toot that thang up and make it roll’?? You done killt me! I swear you did. For real though, if your’re gonna show it off, give the people something to look at. She must have gone to Mariah Carey’s Dance Academy cuz I’m over here hell mad that at the ripe old age of 30 I’m whinin’ harder than she is (and that’s without the likka)!

  • JustMe

    April 1, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    I like Nicki and the video. I too was expecting a bit more “fun” from her first single but Massive Attack really grows on you. She looks hot in the video and her ass is big as hell (she does need some help on learning how to work it though). I wish her a lot of success.

  • April 1, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    I tried but can’t do it.
    If Nicki Minaj could lay off of the shtick, I could possibly get with her. The gimicks distracts me from the talent (I think) she has.

  • J2201987

    April 1, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    I haven’t clicked the “play” button (in light of the fear that my IQ will drop a couple of points), but it sounds like one of RIH-furbish’s videos with an extra seasoning of crazy.

  • chelle

    April 2, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    This video was not good for my ADHD. The double jointed dudes and Sean Garrett- a complete distraction. All that was missing was Missy Elliot and Tommy Lee. How those little legs support all that booty. I told you I was ADHD:)

  • brooklynbaby

    April 2, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    i think that they put silicone and lil kim in a blender and this was the outcome a recycled lil kim but atleast kim could rhyme

  • April 6, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    @LilMissB and Cassie

    Nicki has repeatedly acknowledged Lil Kim as an influence on and forerunner of her style.

    And yes, I hated this song but it’s growing on me. Damn those monster-sized tom-toms.

  • April 7, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Your #6 is the most hilarous statement ever.

    iDied.

  • THE NICKI STAN!

    April 7, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    tom-toms are machine guns–which makes perfect sense when you plug it in with the rest of the lyrics.

    and mikey–i love you, dearly–
    but don’t in one post say you’re thinking of legally changing your name to ‘micki minaj’, then the next one claim she got her wig from a lil kim garage sale–we call people like that bandwagon fans/stans.

    besides–
    she’s cited kim as an influence more than a few times already.
    and just like the kim stans, you claim that everything this woman breathes came from kim–it’s delusional.

    also, nicki’s said before that the song takes a few listens to get into.

    a real nicki fan would’ve gave it a chance before he popped off on his blog.
    juuuuuuuuust sayin.

  • Charlae

    April 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    I hate this song and video. While I’m not a Nicki stan and my disdain for her gimmicks wars constantly with my appreciation for her lyricism and flow, I expected much, much more from her official release. Let’s hope (or not hope depending on where you stand) that she didn’t use all of her good stuff on those mixtapes.

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