Ladies, This Gentleman Wants You To Pat Yourself

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Disclaimer: This thread is chock of full of profanity, crassness, and overall ignorance. Proceed with caution.

Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way let’s get ratchet, aye, let’s get ratchet (thank you, Hurricane Chris).

This song is so offensive, so vile, so obviously meant for me to blog about.

With a name like Papa Duck I suppose I shouldn’t be the least bit surprised that the song begins with an ode to Donald and Daffy. But really, though, this dude kicks off this track with “quack, quack.” Where are we exactly: A lake feeding hungry birds or a petting zoo?

Speaking of petting, ladies, if you got a hating ass hoe in you midst, Papa Duck wants you to pat your pussy.

Or as he eloquently put it, “Pat your pussy on dat pussy ass hoe.”

I’m not entirely sure why this gesture would mean anything to the “hating ass hoes.” If you haven’t been put on game yet let’s just say female genitalia isn’t my area of expertise so I’m a bit stumped on why one good pat to the cat trap is the new “take that, take that.”

However, women reading this know that I love ya’ll the most (ya’ll buy books and are the more loyal TV views). In fact, I’m sure every woman reading my blog probably has a lovely special place. Or something like that.

In any event, I am stumped so ladies explain to me why patting your pussy on that pussy ass hoe means something?

Like, if a girl rolls her eyes at you at the club for wearing the same dress better than her are you gonna pat your pussy one time (pat your pussy one time)?

If a hating ass girl is sucking her teeth at you because your child support check came sooner than hers, are you gonna pat-pat-pat-pat it up?

And if so, could you let me know whether or not everyone looked at you and wondered if you’re patting is the result of some STD please?

Also, while I have your attention, ladies, what do you make of these lyrics?

“If ya pussy ain’t good gon’ kill yaself.

Don’t come to the club with ya period on.

Go ahead lock my number in ya Metro.

My baby mama in this bitch you better keep it cool. She gon’ slap ya in ya shit if she see ya talking to me.”

Are you giving Papa Duck this response:


Only with your middle finger?

Or are you clucking along to this like some folks on YouTube?

Read it and weep:


kissez0001 wen im in skool n i wlk pass dis gurl_ i dnt lyk a pat my pussy..lyk fuck hoe get lyk me

SiimplyAmaziinQ5 pat that pussy one timee… 4_ dem hatin ass hoes

If you chose the second option stop reading my blog this instant and go back to Blackplanet and MySpace where you belong.Wait, don’t go. Stay here but then tell your smarter cousins to stop by.

I have been a fan of some of the most ignorant stuff ever made. Sometimes unabashedly, a lot of the time quietly. Who else remembers the line, “Ride that dick a little harder and a n—a might be you a Starter?”

And from the same song, “Oops, oops it’s ya hair, pick it up, hoe. Oops, oops it’s ya hair, pick it up.”

If ya’ll don’t know about that it’s DJ Jimi’s “Where They At?” A bounce classic.

So keeping that in mind, I can’t pretend that I haven’t enjoyed some songs that I probably shouldn’t have.

But even I can’t really commit myself to this.

“Pat your pussy?”

For real? What’s next, folks? “Dap Your Dick?” “Fist Pump a Big Butt?”

Worst of all, why do Florida rappers always sound like they’re creating music for the secret clubs on massa’s property?I have a twang that creeps in and out, too, but Plies and co. are on some other stuff.

I know this isn’t my regular “I Need Answers” post, but dammit I have a bevy of questions so pat your keyboard a few times and help me make sense of the senseless.

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