Believing Badu
As big a fan of Erykah Badu as I am, I sometimes question whether she actually believes some of what she says or if she feels any pressure from the public to appear as this incredibly enlightened post-modern thinker because it’s expected of her given the depth of her music.
Then again, she might very well mean every word that she says and I’m merely projecting my own insecurities onto her.
After reading an interview she gave the Telegraph earlier this month, I think it could be a combination of both.
In it, Badu touched on infidelity, men and monogamy, and the importance of sex in her life.
On cheating ass cheaters she quipped:
With all those rap-star lovers, is it infidelity that has caused her heartaches? “No. Infidelity is not a deal-breaker for me. We’re all born sexual beings. I myself am not someone with a very high libido. I don’t require sex for happiness – I need companionship. I need a partner I can depend on, that I can love and grow with. But I do understand the nature of these men I’ve been with, and men in general. They have a need to chase.”
Alright, so she’s saying men have a different sexual drive then women. This is common knowledge so I don’t really take any issue with this.
However:
And do you tolerate it? “In my own kind of way. I’m having to recondition my brain, ’cos the first thing I got was a doll named Barbie and she had Ken and that’s how it was supposed to be. You’re conditioned to think that way, and when it doesn’t happen you feel you’re a failure. What we have in common, me and the brothers I’ve known, is that we are all trying to evolve.
And then we get:
“We talk a lot about things that men want. Because I want them to be happy and the more I see how the male of the species behaves, the more I understand, and the less I blame him. It’s just who he is. Is there a solution?” She smiles for the first time in 45 minutes. “Honesty is it. It will get you everywhere. Mind you, I have friends who are in polygamous relationships – they’re no more happy or sad than we are. But at least the bitches know what’s comin’ next!”
In other words: Groupthink.
That lovely little term she constantly uses now. The special phrase that has since become the black intellectual’s answer to “socialite,” “brand,” & “blogger” in terms of overused words that get on my last nerve.
To be fair, we all have been conditioned to believe that we’re supposed to find that one special person and go on to have a nuclear family the way God and our government that wants 20 percent of our income intended. For those that don’t fit that vision for whatever reason (mine rhymes with slow-mo) more times than not you’re made to feel like something is wrong with you and your ratchet mama.
If she were solely speaking against that in principle, I’d feel her. But, that’s not what she’s getting at. Based on her experiences she’s pretty much excusing men who cheat based on the notion that they can’t help it. While it’s one thing to understand biology and acknowledge men possess a certain drive, it’s another to discount that we all have free will and don’t have to break a commitment or vow if we don’t want to.
She sounds defeated and most of all, she sounds hurt. Instead of expounding on that hurt she’s posturing herself to be now “above it all” and “evolving” because as she puts it, “I come from a long line of strong matriarchs. I live in a queendom, ruled by a womb-iverse.”
She also made another claim that threw me off a bit:
“I don’t drink, smoke or have any vices. It’s the music – that’s it.”
Forgive me, but am I the only one out there who often thinks Badu sometimes looks and behaves like she’s high enough to give Jesus a fist-pump?
That said, let me venture onto how I might be appropriating my own feelings onto her.
A few weeks ago I defensively and somewhat angrily responded to a friend about why I’m content with the belief that I’ll likely stay single. The more she’d talk about she hopes to see me with someone the more angry I became. I don’t see it happening for me and I’ve long been trying to convince myself that scenario is fine so long as my money, success, and influence meets every requirement I’ve dreamed it to.
And then very recently I was able to enjoy my idea of perfection and someone I love more than anything. I don’t really like to elaborate on the mushy (it ain’t none of your damn business, smile), but let’s just say no one makes me happier and there is no one better. That unfortunately also reminds me of what’s always lacked and what may very well continue to lack for me.
Can I still lead a life full of good people and success and not feel like a failure because I’m not living in sin with one person? Sometimes I think so because I tend to have a “fuck tradition” attitude as it is. Then there are moments, like a few days ago when I’m not so certain. But I do know one thing: I enjoy spending time saying the former out loud to others while privately fighting off the latter in my own space and time.
Often times with a song like this:
It’s this very song that makes it hard for me to really wrap my head around what Erykah’s saying in this interview.
I’m not calling Badu a hypocrite. She’s not. It’s not my intention to vilify her or anything of the sort. I’m merely quite curious to know if she really means what she’s saying. A part of me thinks she wants to believe it but only because she’s been burned.
I cannot pretend that I’m happy about my situation, only that I can find happiness in spite of it.
But I know what I want and no matter how you flip it, anything other than your ideal scenario is settling. Not to mention incredibly disappointing and downright hurtful.
So is she reconditioning her brain because she’s truly seeking evolution? Or are her musings nothing more than a declaration of settling under the shroud of evolution?
If it’s option one, so be it and I’ll admit I’m dead wrong. But if there’s even the tiniest sign of truth for door number two, I’d love to hear her touch more on that.That sort of honesty would be a lot more ‘new’ than anything she spouted out to the Telegraph.
And be far more appreciative to the rest of us out here trying to make sense of it all, too.
“I cannot pretend that I’m happy about my situation, only that I can find happiness in spite of it.” I will drink and fist pump like a champ to that, sir.
I guess this is a valid observation. i think she knows shes putting it on heavy. thats why she don’t come round to often.
http://www.1revent.com/2010/04/erykah-badu-new-amerykah-pt-2.html
I totally agree with Michelle, that quote was the business. Gold star for you = )
wow this hits home
I think at times we forget these celebs are regular people with insecurities, this is Erykah’s. She couldnt be happy being a permanent baby mama. I wont call her a hypocrite either because we all aspire to be something and dont necessarily measure up. Or we try to rationalize shit that dont really make sense. I think she should try dating a regular dude. One thing im curious about though is what happened with her and common? she didnt drop his seed or nothing, they seemed great together…
sidenote: I believe her when she says she doesn’t get high….
[...] Believing Badu [The Cynical Ones] [...]
Honestly, I am single, black,and complicated. I am finding that other married people seem to weave their marriedness onto my singleness and I find myself fighting myself… While my situation is not ideal I do relish in my solitude. And wonder secretly if I will ever find someone. However in the end I don’t know what is around the corner I just know I am glad I am not stuck with a sorry motherfucker thus free to live as I decide…and I co-sign all fist pumping comment making champs on this site!
[...] Believing Badu [The Cynical Ones] [...]
I also believe people forget celebs are just people underneath it all. People began treating Erykah this way b/c of the headwraps, incence and 5 % jargon that laced her music. However, look at who she is. Any woman who has had 3 children by 3 different Men has clearly endured a world of hurt and failed expectations (and obviously a hazy understanding of what relationships and love mean anyway). How could she not? Her views on love don’t suprise me at all. When people have been hurt so many times, they often lower or rid themselves of any expectations to prevent hurt. Does it make her a hypocrite? No. Just human and scarred. This is how she protects herself.
And nobody is enlightened. Nobody knows anything really lol the older I get the more I realize that.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Michael A., J. Cooper and Dee What Dey Call Me, Steevie Fantastic. Steevie Fantastic said: RT @youngsinick: thecynicalones.com| Believing Badu: http://bit.ly/cpnSAA. [...]
Couldn’t have said it better myself “Third Eye.” It’s a mistake to think that anyone has it all figured out. No matter how intelligent or enlightened they may seem. Although we admire celebrities we don’t know them at all. All we know is what they or the media portrays them to be. They could be pathological liars or be bi-polar for all we know. My advice to you Mike would be to take the good and leave the bad. Don’t feel guilty about questioning what someone says or what they believe, especially if it’s not adding up. As a fellow cynic I’m all about that.
<3 michael i love your writing
i really liked this article cause i follow badu on twitter, and i have to throw a side eye to 75% of the stuff she says on there.
I think it’s interesting that she’s so patriarchal in her thoughts towards men that have cheated on her. If she can acknowledge that her idea of the perfect relationship was molded by the society she grew up in, how can she then claim biology as to why men cheat? It all goes hand in hand, I think, and very little of how we act is dictated by nature. Most of it is learned. I don’t think that men are any more sexual than women, but I do think that they, particularly black men, are raised with this idea that they are slaves to their penises and that their hyper-sexuality can’t be quelled by one woman. And as far as science, well just about anything can be “proven,” as history tells us.
I like the interview because it’s genuine. However, I often think that we deem things as ambiguous if they can not be rationalized and or agreed with. Erykah simply answers the questions that she is being asked at the present moment in time. Yes she is a Non-Married (I refuse to use the term single because that depicts her as someone who is totally alone which I HIGHLY doubt, be it family, friends, and companions she has a support system), black, mother of 3. However take away those adjectives and look at her as a human being. As a human, her emotions will never be controlled, felt and understood by others in the same manner as they are interpreted by her. I would like to see the same psychoanalyzation go toward Lil’ Wayne for his ‘situation’.
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE EVERYONE IS COMING FROM. IM IN THE SAME SITUATION TRYING TO FIGHT THE FACT THAT DEEP DOWN I CRAVE TO BE LOVED AND NURTURED BY SOMEONE THAT APPRECIATES ME AND WANTS TO GROW WITH ME. SINCE I DON’T HAVE THAT I FEEL LIKE AT THE END OF THE DAY IM MISSING OUT. OF COURSE I NEVER SPEAK THIS OUT LOUD, BUT IM ALWAYS TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT IT’S JUST ME AND THATS JUST HOW ITS SUPPOSE TO BE FOR ME. BUT HOW CAN I TRULY BE HAPPY IF IM CONSTANTLY CRAVING WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE I WILL NEVER HAVE?
U know what? When I saw her window seat video i kinda felt a little weird about it. I am also a huge ERYKAH fan and any other time she could do no wrong , BUT, gee whiz…
I think it was totally irresponsible and wreckless shooting this video with kids and families in the park that day. I recognize the fact that there are worse thing that kids can be exposed to than the human body, but, If i take my 14 & 2 yr olds sons to the park one evening, the last thing i want to have to do explain why the girl is taking off her clothes. Could she have gotten her point across @ sunrise when theres less people around?Not to mention, I don’t get it . I usually “get” Erykah. I didn’t get the “message”. Was there a valid message, and if so, what was it??