You Sent It (But I Wish You Hadn’t): D-Slang

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Warning: This video is not safe for work. As a matter of fact, the percolating penises present in this unfortunate video presentation may cause you to go blind in one eye and temporarily develop a case of vagina envy. Proceed with caution.

I hate Walmart for leaving Web cams on sale.

A friend of mine believes that I think everyone is gay. That’s not true. What I know is that a lot of people posturing themselves as straight are lying to themselves and other people. Girlfriend, wife, kid, and forced erections notwithstanding.

But, for argument’s sake, I’m not going to call any of these men gay. Nope, don’t want to seem like I’m pushing a “gay agenda.” Or a sword fight.

Besides, these gentleman say this video is for the ladies and well, since I’m not a heterosexual woman I don’t truly know if seeing a bunch of half-dressed men crowded in a room swaying their scrotums is a turn on. Some women tell me they watch gay porn for sport and call it a hunch, but I bet this video has enough homoeroticism in it to fill that void. If not, the video of them bouncing their asses surely does.

So yeah I’m not going to call them gay but can I call myself confused?

Why are these dudes lined up like my old high school’s majorettes to twirl their dicks around in a circle?

Where in the hell do they do that at besides a prison sock hop?

Isn’t it baffling that these men are trying their damnedest to look as hard as possible as they flip their hard-ons into a jig?

Was I the only one praying that a cold shower interrupted them while performing their cock choreography?

Can you imagine all of the unfortunate accidents and fights this dance would cause in the club? Not to mention all of the STDS going around in one room faster than free shots.

I was hoping this sort of dance was limited to these groups of dudes. That would be too much like right, though.

There’s also a song called “Pop That Dick Up.”

Forgive me, but after watching that video I couldn’t help but ask myself why don’t more people swallow.

Judging from the beat and screaming on the song, its origins seem rooted in the Boot. Is this revenge for all of those years of asking women to bounce their asses and pop that pussy? If that’s the case, can we all just sit down and stay there? That sounds equal to me.

A month or so ago someone called me conservative. I wanted to paper cut them with a Planned Parenthood brochure and choke them with a condom wrapping. However, after watching these videos maybe they have a point.

Seriously, have we become this bored and this dumb that we’re trying to start dance movements based on how loose we let our genitals fly to the beat?

If a dance called tickle your titty comes out next, I quit. Forever.

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