Me, Me, Me On BET

Another year, another review. I’ve broken down my thoughts on the 2010 BET Awards in 20. Say it with me in a Puff Puff Diddy voice: “Let’s go!”

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1. You fools need to stop complaining.

I feel like people often like to regurgitate an opinion time after time because it’s just the thing to do — criticism about the BET Awards/BET is a good example of such. This is such a simple concept to grasp I’m annoyed that I even have to repeat it again.

But, I will: If you don’t like BET, feel like watching the show or any program on the network makes you embarrassed of your race, don’t watch the awards.

You can call it the EBT awards but don’t acting like you can’t spell GED with your basic TV viewing logic.

2. Kanye West was kind of forgettable.

I love “Power” and am happy about a new Kanye album on the horizon; however, ‘Ye standing on top of the set of Happy Feet for four minutes didn’t really do anything for me. He’ll make it right next time. He usually does.

3. Queen Latifah is like Neil Patrick Harris.

When I said this on Twitter people thought I was playing Queen La, but I wasn’t. Didn’t that opener seem very People’s Choice Awards or something one of the two other non-threatening ***’s usually do?

That wasn’t a diss, merely an observation. I love Queen Latifah and overall thought she was fine. Although maybe we shouldn’t do a homage to every black classic every single year. It’s starting to remind me of movie night.

Then again, I would have been ecstatic to see the cast of Living Single reunite.

Oh as for: “Diddy, a man who stays in the company of beautiful women. Much like myself.”

Well alright. Now maybe people will leave her alone (they won’t, but it’s a nice thought all the same).

4. Keyshia Cole’s old weave is back.

This makes me excited about her new album. People can debate how she sounded all they want, I’m just happy last night was Keyshia’s first public appearance post “I don’t fuck with the kinfolk no more” statement.

5. Monica and Deniece Williams love Beetlejuice.

So much that each decided to pay tribute to the costume designer for the film last night. Or as Mama Sinick said in email, “Tell Batman i know who took his hat, Monica wore it as a blouse.”

That is mature shade, folks.

I’m trying to show respect to my elders, but if I were a bit older I’d say Deniece Williams needed a shot of helium last night before taking the stage.

As for Monica, she sounded great as always although it would’ve been great if she started off with her new single, “Love All Over Me.” You know, so people won’t think she’s still on her first single several months after its initial release. Silly indeed.

6. Prince didn’t care for Trey Songz’ cover of “Purple Rain.”

Speaking of mature shade, shout out to Prince’s eyes for sitting sideways once Tremaine decided to randomly burst into his own rendition of “Purple Rain” during his performance of “Yo Side of The Bed.”

As grateful as I am to God, Trey’s trainer, protein shake, stylist, and his mother’s genetic make up for giving the world this gift, sometimes Trey’s voice draws too much inspiration from tremors. Don’t get me wrong, I like his voice. But sometimes, his voice seems to wobble, wobble, and shake it, shake it a little too much.

He just sounds afraid sometimes is all. Like I am now that his stans might put out a hit on me.

7. Drake needs to talk to Laurie Ann Gibson.

I like the guy but he’s boring as a performer. He doesn’t need to pop lock on stage or anything, but goodness, maybe some boom kack would do his stage act some good. If not for Jeezy his set would’ve been sleep inducing.

8. El Debarge is happy.

The last hit El Debarge had resulted in his being locked up so it’s nice to see the man some of ya’ll jokesters call my uncle managing to sing on key, stay on beat, and put on one of the better performances of the night. If you’re wondering, yes, I’m going to pretend that separate performance of his new material didn’t happen. Man, you know Donna nor any of us want to hear that.

P.S. It’s a problem when a man who’s been battling drugs off and on for several years can still manage to maintain a sizable portion of his vocal ability yet singers ten minutes past puberty can barely perform without sounding like a commercial for Halls half-way.

9. Usher blew it.

Lately, Usher has been sounding quite good while performing “There Goes My Baby.” Last night was not one of those times. He should’ve went ahead and performed “OMG.” It’s OK, Usher, massive radio airplay and Will.I.Am’s spell have already made the bulk of us get into the song.

10. People don’t like to be left out.

RT @myfabolouslife: My blackberry & iPhone must b fucked up cuz I definitely didn’t get the we doin the “all I do is win remix”  email or phone call. #Niceeee

11. Chris Brown did well.

I feel like I face certain death if I dare to speak ill of this kid again. Look, I don’t hate this dude. He did well last night. Naturally, it’s easy to be cynical when you see someone cry during a song called “Man In The Mirror” given his last year. However, it’s just as easy to see why he would be genuinely overcome with emotion while performing a song called “Man In The Mirror.”

It’s all about perspective and in this instance, I’d rather go with the positive.

Some people think Chris’ tears made the Michael Jackson tribute more about him than Michael Jackson. I can get that perspective, though I doubt Michael Jackson will haunt Chris Brown in his dreams in retaliation. It’s show business and no one understands that more than Michael Jackson.

Chris did a good job and his performance last night proved that he still fills a much needed void for male entertainers.

OK?

12. We don’t need a Britney Spears of rap.

I was disappointed to see Nicki Minaj show up like Wilma Flintstone and give me vintage Britney Spears on stage during her multiple performances throughout the show. Thankfully, she clarified on Twitter that the audience could her hear, but we couldn’t on TV. As she put it, “Shout out to the sound guy.” Apparently it will be fixed on the re-air, but eh, it’s too late.

Either the sound guy is a Lil’ Kim stan or perhaps she was the one Stephen Hill was referring to on Twitter — that is, younger people who don’t show up for rehearsals.

Whatever the case, Nicki still performed multiple times and for any performer that is impressive. Plus, I like the indirect rebuttal she gave Kim and being positive and bringing women together.

Yes, girl, she meant you. No one likes the hating ass auntie, Kimmy.

13. Beyonce can win anything.

While I like the “Video Phone” remix who remembers that video being played for more than two weeks? I don’t, but hey, the Queen won. Let it be known that a good twirk and a Super Soaker can still trounce all so long as a big name is attached to it.

14. Rick Ross gives fat kids hope.

If only I had that much bravado when I looked like a Girl Scout shortbread cookie colored version of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Then again, it’s probably best I didn’t.

I kind of wish he had performed “MC Hammer” with “MC Hammer,” though.

15. Poor Dawn.

When Diddy Puff changed the name of the group to “Diddy-Dirty Money” I knew those two girls behind him were going to get even less shine. He might as well call the group Diddy and the Diddetts. Dawn’s a good performer, a good singer, and her look has improved so I hope that she eventually gets to show people that in a better situation. Oh, and the other one, Kaleena (I just learned her name), had on some cute shoes. Didn’t want to Diddy her in my post.

16. Prince tribute.

I remember seeing Alicia Keys crawl up her piano seductively on the “Ladies First” tour. It was about as believable as a story of a sex tape featuring me and Mrs. Butterworth. It’s even less believable with her pregnant. I imagine that I along with her OBG/YN were both huddled in an impromptu pray circle once Alicia started climbing that piano.

Other than that, I’d have to say her rendition of “Adore” was great. I had my doubts because while I love her cover of “How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore,” “Adore” is a totally different song in a much higher range. But Alicia did well (much better than her blase medley earlier that evening) and Patti Labelle was everything as usual.

Janelle Monet is such a treat to watch and I really hope her popularity continues to grow. She is so fun and so lively. Oh and the other girl was OK, too. I don’t remember her name though I expect a music snob to scorn me in the comments section about it later. Thank you in advance.

17. Sometimes award shows can survive without Beyonce.

The first half was almost sleep inducing if not for Twitter, but the rest of the show made up for it. The show was as good as one can be without Beyonce — but let’s not make it a habit, please.

18. Keri Hilson lies.

I didn’t see Lauryn Hill last night, did you? Keri looked cute. The Pebbles Flintstone to Nicki’s Wilma, if you will. Still, don’t mention Lauryn Hill’s name unless you know for sure that she will be in attendance. It riles people up too much.

19. Taraji Henson really likes to drink.

Did ya’ll see her drunk ass on the post show? I love my fellow Bison, but c’mon nah. I’d say more but I fear some smart ass might one day write something similar about me.

20. John Legend is better than you.

And don’t you ever forget it, “haters.”

Last night John legend’s hairline was a major focal point of discussion. Well, Mr. Legend took to Twitter to let you know that he didn’t miss it. And that he’s better than you.

As he tweeted:

“Btw, my hairline has been the same since I was a kid. Can’t believe some people are obsessing about it now. I’ve been famous for 6 yrs now. And to the haters, I’m still smarter, more talented, more successful and better looking than u. So fall back. Sorry y’all. Couldn’t believe my hairline was a trending topic. Get a life!”

Well, he sure let some of ya’ll have it, huh. Dude’s got more cat in him than Heathcliff.

As someone w/ a unique hairline since birth I think JL could’ve handled that better. Like: “You wish your barber could be this creative.”

Or: “Haha, ya’ll. Humanitarian activities before haircuts.”

Next time just brush it off, John.

Alright. That’s about it. Until the next show.

It’s Still Father’s Day, Right?

This is something I wrote five years ago. It wasn’t the easiest to write, but at the time, it meant the world to me that a writer and editor I admired left an encouraging comment.

I can’t make myself read the entry again – at least not today – but I encourage you to do so.

This is me on my dad in reference to Father’s Day.

Do check it out, please.

It’s Father’s Day, Right?

Circle of Foolery

Awesomely Luvvie: Whose Auntie Is This?

Brokey McPoverty: The Best of Brokey McPoverty

Dirty Pretty Things: Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness & Will Get You A Second Date

I’m Busy

For more than a year there’s been one recurring phrase everyone I know has heard me use: “I’m working.”

In the morning, in the afternoon, typically in the evening and most certainly on the weekends. I’m working. All the time. I’ve been busier than ever, and for someone who found themselves not so busy after college despite a busy resume, I find it comforting despite the occasional annoyance. Namely for one reason: I got bills.

Lots of bills. Student loans bills, mainly. The bane of my existence if there ever was one. However, in recent months I’ve realized this growing amount of work has hurt me in some areas — namely why I came here. I alluded to it a month ago when I took a blogging break to focus on my pilot script. Two drafts down and at least one to go in two weeks, I feel good about it. It’s only too bad I have to come up with something else in a really short amount of time.

Oh yes, I’m busy.

Last Saturday I tallied all that I did last week: 30 blog entries for work (typical), two op-eds for one site, three articles for another, and six blog entries for The Cynical Ones. There’s also an interview for an assignment for VIBE, transcribing that (pure unmitigated evil this task is) and then to chase down a celebrity (or a couple) for that same assignment. And then on Saturday I wanted a leg up on the usual work related stuff so I did nine blog entries in advance.

You know, so I wouldn’t be as busy on the usual stuff I do in order to focus on the pending deadlines.

And yet, I still feel lazy. Still feel unaccomplished. Still feeling like I’m not doing enough in a day. See Aliya S. King’s workload on why I sometimes feel this way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Being Thankful

Since Thank Me Later leaked, my timeline has been flooded with discussions of Drake. I’ve noticed that the more outspoken commentators tend to skew older and their commentary reads as rather harsh. I won’t bother recanting all of their diatribes about Aubrey the man and Drake the emcee, but let’s just say this .gif is the best summation of their criticism I can think of:

They really, really don’t like the guy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Circle of Foolery

…it’s like the circle of life, only wisdom and insight are replaced with ratchetness.

Awesomely Luvvie: Dear Rihanna…

Dirty Pretty Things: You Are An Epic Fail Whale

Broke McPoverty: The Mutterface

Fly Black Chick: In Defense Of Slim Thug

And from my two bad ass play cousins that my mama would never let me play with:

Crunk + Disorderly: People You Should Be Paying Homage To: Memphis Blac and Smokahonta Jones (My new favorite anthem).

Kid Fury: Barbie vs. Barbie

Guess The Narcotic

I talk so much noise about people with heads full of cashews in other cities that it’s about time I pinpoint the bonker bust-it-babies in my own hometown.

I don’t know who this woman is in the video, but I’m about to drop to my knees and thank God that she ain’t not kin to me. She’s a fruity pebble if I ever saw one. Yes, I just made that up. And I think it’s a good way to describe someone with “the crazy.” Feel free to start using it, too.

That said, I’d like to play a little game with you all. I want to know what substance do you think is responsible for her doing the fool in the middle of the night at a gas station.

Is it powder, pills, something that requires a needle, or did she have a little too much to drink?

Or, maybe she’s just naturally cursed with the crazy. That could happen if you breast feed your child while smoking a Newport.

Now if she’s postpartum, forgive me for being a jackass. However, based on her behavior can you blame me for talking shit?

And bless her heart: “Don’t touch me because I believe in God.”

I am so trying that line if I head out to the club this weekend.

Speaking of lines, I dare one of ya’ll to randomly yell:

“I’m a liar because I’m a woman. This is sexist. This is racist. I’m not a witch. I just know when I’m not being treated right. I refuse to take this shit no more.”

After you’re done, you might as well break into the butterfly while pouring a package of grape Kool-Aid on your face.

Don’t yell out, “I taste my own blood. Are you trying to kill me?” That just sounds weird.

I don’t know if this woman has been drinking in the oil spill, but after I wrap this post up I’m going to say a little pray for her. And one for myself.

Did ya’ll hear her say that her husband is in California? You all pray for my safety. Her husband might be here thinking he’s a cartoon raising with a singing career.

But, for the record, this crazy girl has nothing on Major, my neighborhood dancing schizophrenic. He jigs, he rolls up his pants leg like he’s LL Cool J at 1996, he curses you out if you don’t buy him a beer, and he runs away from the po-po in slow motion.

When I head home for the holidays, I’ll see if I can get some footage.

Too Much of Something Is Bad Enough

There’s nothing worse than the person who shows up to the party mere moments before it’s over still demanding your undivided attention as they proceed to partake in activities you’ve already seen done what seems like a million times over. That in a nutshell describes Christina Aguilera’s recording process.

Artists have been recording music described as “futuristic” for well over a decade now. In recent years, “the future” has been the narrative of contemporary pop music. So much that when the future finally does arrive don’t be surprised if many dismiss it as sounding so five years ago.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dumb Dumb Diddy

Wrote a piece on Senator Orrin Hatch’s assertion that when it comes to the gays, politics is the religion of choice versus an actual religion.

Yeah, I thought it was stupid was hell, too.

Click here to check it out.

The Devil Is Busy…Creating Gospel Dances

Is this what hell really looks like? If so, I’m ready to repent for every single one of my sins. I think I might have mentioned this before once or twice, but for all of the newbies to the site let me be clear: I’m not too fond of gospel music that tries to seem, uh, “hip.”

Forgive me for the use of the word “hip,” but I couldn’t think of any way to word it without a lightning bolt instantly shocking my skull to its core.

What I mean is I like my gospel music to sound like it came from the hottest plantation in the South. You know, I want to feel like I’m spiraling into deep and dire despair. Or something sweet and sang immaculately well — like Yolanda Adams’ “Open My Heart.”

Or even better: Mary Mary’s “God In me” screwed and chopped.

Before you even think to say something slick don’t knock it ’til you bopped ya head to it.

Any songs that fit those descriptions I can get with. But this shit, this shit right here, that ain’t it. At all. Not even a fraction of it.

Forgive me if this is like a sin or something to say, but this is that bullshit.

I have joked about jiggin’ for Jesus before but I wasn’t serious.

Hopefully, these people in this video aren’t serious either. I hope this is a parody because this is cornier than Oprah Winfrey’s insert somebody’s name who won’t give me the clap back’s feet.

Let’s start off with the obvious: How are you going to praise God breaking one of the biggest commandments. Thou shalt not steal, ya’ll.

This video is like a knockoff of 17 different dances. I see stuff people did in old Luke videos, only off beat. I see the choreography to “Walk It Out” and “2 Step.” I see a dude we’ll refer to as T-Lame jacking Tallahassee’s version of Roger Troutman’s entire look on clearance.

And don’t think I didn’t catch Deacon Frye’s classic move being jacked for this.

They even appropriated the phrase “getting jiggy with it” into the song. Um, I thought the world joined together one desperate afternoon and prayed away that song into the abyss.

Should I even address some of the new dances they created like the “Ma’Dear?” What in the world was that supposed to be? Wait, don’t even try to explain it to me. I wouldn’t want to remember any of this after I hit publish.

This is exactly why I prefer going to the club with heathens.

P.S. All of my comments are directed at participants of this video that are over the age of 18. The minors don’t know any better.