The Devil Is Busy…Creating Gospel Dances

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Is this what hell really looks like? If so, I’m ready to repent for every single one of my sins. I think I might have mentioned this before once or twice, but for all of the newbies to the site let me be clear: I’m not too fond of gospel music that tries to seem, uh, “hip.”

Forgive me for the use of the word “hip,” but I couldn’t think of any way to word it without a lightning bolt instantly shocking my skull to its core.

What I mean is I like my gospel music to sound like it came from the hottest plantation in the South. You know, I want to feel like I’m spiraling into deep and dire despair. Or something sweet and sang immaculately well — like Yolanda Adams’ “Open My Heart.”

Or even better: Mary Mary’s “God In me” screwed and chopped.

Before you even think to say something slick don’t knock it ’til you bopped ya head to it.

Any songs that fit those descriptions I can get with. But this shit, this shit right here, that ain’t it. At all. Not even a fraction of it.

Forgive me if this is like a sin or something to say, but this is that bullshit.

I have joked about jiggin’ for Jesus before but I wasn’t serious.

Hopefully, these people in this video aren’t serious either. I hope this is a parody because this is cornier than Oprah Winfrey’s insert somebody’s name who won’t give me the clap back’s feet.

Let’s start off with the obvious: How are you going to praise God breaking one of the biggest commandments. Thou shalt not steal, ya’ll.

This video is like a knockoff of 17 different dances. I see stuff people did in old Luke videos, only off beat. I see the choreography to “Walk It Out” and “2 Step.” I see a dude we’ll refer to as T-Lame jacking Tallahassee’s version of Roger Troutman’s entire look on clearance.

And don’t think I didn’t catch Deacon Frye’s classic move being jacked for this.

They even appropriated the phrase “getting jiggy with it” into the song. Um, I thought the world joined together one desperate afternoon and prayed away that song into the abyss.

Should I even address some of the new dances they created like the “Ma’Dear?” What in the world was that supposed to be? Wait, don’t even try to explain it to me. I wouldn’t want to remember any of this after I hit publish.

This is exactly why I prefer going to the club with heathens.

P.S. All of my comments are directed at participants of this video that are over the age of 18. The minors don’t know any better.

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