Pick A Side and Stay There
Even after coming out (to myself, friends, and the majority of who inquired) I made the conscious decision to not write about my sexuality. At the time, I constantly told myself and others that I didn’t want to be labeled a certain way or only be defined by that one aspect about myself.
Truthfully, the word “gay” simply gave me the heebie-jeebies. There’s so much negativity associated with the term and I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to deal with my sexuality on a personal and professional level. But as another writer explained me to last year, “It’s better to be known for something than nothing at all.”
The man had a point and ultimately I stayed true to myself. After that, people began to tell me that me speaking so forthright about my own life made it easier for them to deal with theirs.
I say all of this to say that for a lot of gay (coloreds) being out and about means something so I get really annoyed by those who pretend to be something that they’re not. Or people who know who they are but choose not to own up to it. I make some exceptions for the latter group. People who keep their private battles just that and don’t place others in danger are fine by me.
Now, these fronting folks are another story.
Like my beloved, Nicki Minaj.
I read her “lost quote” from her VIBE cover story in which she gave some politically correct response to her previously assumed bisexuality.
Nicki (likely in a London hood accent she recently picked up from YouTube) said:
“If I say I only stop for pedestrian and a real, real bad lesbian—did that say and then I go home and have sex with that lesbian? I just embrace all people of all lifestyles and I don’t tell them they are bad people. And I say girls are beautiful and girls are sexy and they need to be told that, and if they don’t have anyone to tell them that and mean it, I’m gonna tell them that. But I feel like people always wanna define me and I don’t wanna be defined.”
A dog who just ate a rotting pot of red beans & rice couldn’t produce a greater heap of shit than that Nicki quote.
I’ve always thought of Nicki as someone who might deal with men but probably enjoys women a lot more — given Nicki has talked about vagina more than most gynecologists. Yet, all of a sudden she doesn’t want people defining her by the things she’s said in the past.
She’s blaming other people for assuming she’s danced with dental dams.
It. Is. So. Damn. Irritating.
Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.
Say the only cat she’s familiar with used to battle Chip and Dale. Fine. If that’s the case, why speak about women in a sexual manner?
Because it entices men, right? She along with other women who play the role of fake gay for attention need to be poked with a stick. Pun intended.
You don’t want to be defined as a bisexual, Nicki? Stop taking Cassie away from Diddy and don’t ever make another YouTube video about how women can approach you.
And please stop singing breasts. That is the gayest shit ever to me. I don’t care what anyone says — it’s gay. Is Bow Wow letting me scribble notes for a book proposal on his ass cheek? No. Sadly.
I completely understand the notion that labels can be a curse, but Nicki Minaj is reminding me that when it comes to labels related to sexuality, many of us dodge them out of fear.
She also reminds me of all of the closet bisexual and lesbian black women there are. Those are equally as pressed as the closeted gay men.
I truly believe sexuality can be fluid and that it’s not as easy as people think it is to define one’s sexuality. But, in the end, you know what gets you up, you know what makes you wet and if you speak about it openly people are going to make assumptions about you. That’s natural.
That means ultimately you need to decide who you are and what you’re about before you open up. If you remain unsure or this is all fun and games to you, shut up. You make it that much harder for others to take us seriously.
If you’re wondering, yes, I’m still planning to support Nicki Minaj (11.23.10, ya’ll) but if she makes a reference to a girl on wax, I’m gonna suck my teeth. That will show her.
Jordan
July 8, 2010 at 11:54 pm
As a girl who goes to college w/ several women who kiss bitches and stradle the fence but swear up and down they only like dick, I think bi-sexuality is something some ppl pick and choose. The first girl to kiss another girl on campus gets a man, #fact. My personal belief is that Nicki is a bi-sexual, there’s nothing wrong with that unless you want to sell albums, or be seen as a role model to young girls. That’s sad but “it is, what it is”. And at this point much like you, I’m buying her album on 11/23, not b/c I think she’s a lyrical genius on her features but b/c when it comes to her solo projects, the bitch goes in.
Sidenote: Kudos to Nicki for dropping her album around Black Friday
Drew-Shane
July 9, 2010 at 11:08 am
I think girls in the pop culture like Nicki must present some side of liking girls. for some odd reason this sells. can’t knock her for her hustle. deep down in my sanctified Minaj soul I do believe she likes both. I just hate she’s trying to retract or confuse people anymore. it’s funny how in real life we expect everyone to be honest and open but it’s the opposite for both pop culture and “real” life. of course you never hear any guys with this problem….
Mia
July 9, 2010 at 11:15 am
I like Nicki as well but I think just about everything about the chick is manufactured and fake, I’ll bet when she gets home, the colored wigs come off and she’s a totally different person, Nicki endorses anything that sells because she is not an artist, shes a product. She seems like the type that secretly dogs and laughs at her fans for believing the hype.
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sickwitit
July 9, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Come on Mike, this is all a pr game…and i dont mind it. Shes interesting and thats one thing teairra mari cant claim…you want her to be a role model or something?lmao she’s tryna come up and she’ll say anything to get there….
@PiscesTia
July 9, 2010 at 3:58 pm
I agree. I was definitely feelin’ Nicki around the time my radio stations started playing
“I gets Crazy” hardcore. Pre-colored wigs and whatnot. There are tons of videos on youtube with Nicki shoutin’ out the females. I too think she really is Bi. But now that she has gained some kinda following, I don’t know why she is switching her style with the whole Bi thing. She was so open about it before, why she frontin’ now? I am kind of a little side eyein’ her for these comments, and I get you can’t please everyone. But like you said, don’t be back tracking with past comments. Come betta than that.
Dr Kiti
July 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm
In agreement with everyone else, I first noticed the ‘gay for play’, ‘faux-sexual’ girls in my high school about 15 years ago. A few years before Britiny and X-tina came along and made it normal for celebrities to be ‘bisexual’ even if they were not.
Theses girls I went to school with, who’d been straight until they noticed that they could get shock value from ‘acting bi’, were a complete embarrassment to legitimate bisexual and lesbian women everywhere. They weren’t freely expressing their sexuality for themselves, they wanted attention from boys, who eventually got them pregnant and left them or gave them STDs (among other things).
Conversely, as you mentioned, sexuality is not so easily defined. I see Nicki as young, curious and facing an onslaught of experiences she probably isn’t prepared for. Hell, she probably doesn’t even fully remember making statements about being bisexual. Maybe she felt herself to be bisexual on that day. In my 10 hour Human Sexuality workshop (I never wanted to have sex again after that thing) we were taught that sexuality is on a continuum and that sexuality can fluctuate. I just wish that she’d get it together. It can be traumatizing, as you’ve mentioned, to come to grips with a newfound sexual identity. I wish her luck and will be praying for her
Rock
July 21, 2010 at 9:27 am
I agree with you! I luv me some Nicki Minaj…but after reading that article..I was very disappointed with her