I See You’ll Get Mad Anyway
Yesterday, I woke up to about 2o-plus emails from angry readers over my latest piece for Aol News. If there’s one thing I noticed about Aol News readers, it’s that whenever I write about race a lot of people get upset.I think that anger stems from their frustration that I refuse to acknowledge “the truth” that racism is over and black racists like me will never succeed to launching a race war because Dr. Martin Luther The King made America a utopia once he publicly aired out his nighttime brainwave activity.
I never get surprised by the types of responses I get anywhere I’m published, but I have to admit this past week has reminded me of something I had long feared: No matter how hard I try to not be offensive people will catch feelings anyway.
To those of you skeptical of that declaration drop your cynicism (yes, even as you read a site called The Cynical Ones), I’m serious.
While I realize a lot of my opinions aren’t necessarily popular, I don’t play the role of contrarian for the sake of. Likewise, I don’t drum up controversy because I can. I find both aspects of writing (and living, for that matter) annoying. Plus, I’m a nice guy and shit and it’s not in my nature to piss people off.
Yet, I seem to keep doing so even in my mildest form.
For instance, in the Aol piece, I said the Tea Party wasn’t a racist organization but that the racial rhetoric employed by its outspoken members makes it easy to brand it as such. I called on leaders to get organized and expel their bigot faction in order to clear their name.
Somehow that was interpreted as me saying I hope Al Sharpton haunts every white man in his dreams.
I asked for people to read and not react and they reacted anyway. Why do I give people the benefit of the doubt again? More importantly, why did I even bother trying to be as pleasant as possible?
It doesn’t seem to work in pop culture pieces either.
If you don’t believe me, check out the comments section for my post on Gabourey Sidibe. I really didn’t think I was that out of pocket, but somehow I’m branded a fatphone, a hypocrite and big meanie.
I pointed out how each label in this instance was incorrect and it’s perceived as me “attacking” folks. I think I’m nice, but you know, this blog is called The Cynical Ones. If I chose to act like I’m the wicked bastard of the South, you get fair warning from the jump.
Now if someone called you a hypocrite on your own shit and said you wouldn’t talk about a skinny person in the same situation when you know for a fact that you’ve talked about everyone under the sun (including yourself), wouldn’t you respond?
For the record, this is my final answer about that post: If I wanted to say Gabby is too damn fat to be so mean then I would’ve said it that way.
To be frank, I think both pieces struck nerves in people. People harboring prejudices don’t like them brought to their attention and people like to laugh at situations so long as they don’t apply to them.
In my case, the reactions struck a chord in me as it reminded me that one, I’m defensive especially in situations where I know I’m right, and two, I really need to be more selective when deciding to PG-13 myself.
More times than not, there’s no real point in turning yourself down once you realize a comment like “You look tired” will still be misconstrued as “Bitch, you ain’t shit, hoe.”
I grew up in a very harsh environment so a lot of the time what I have to say comes across really brutal to people. Or vulgar. Some of my friends can attest to this as they require me to utter the phrase, “brace yourself,” before I dive into subject matter they may feel is too much.
Because of all this, I always felt the need to tamper it down out of generosity. But at this point in my life and career I’m asking myself more often than not, “Why?”
sickwitit
August 12, 2010 at 11:02 am
“No matter how hard I try to not be offensive people will catch feelings anyway.”
I’m surprised it took this long for you to accept this. Don’t we all learn from an early age everything isn’t for everybody? Just because your opinion pisses me off doesn’t me I hate your guts lol
sidenote: Love the blog, keep it up…
Wade
August 12, 2010 at 11:15 am
I agree with Sickwitit. Folks are gonna get upset and offended regardless. You just have to learn to not let it bother you.
Also do NOT under any circumstances sensor yourself or tone it down. If you do that then they’ve succeeded in making you change who you are.
Austin Brown
August 12, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I just went and read the comments that were posted on Gabourey Sidibe piece and I still laugh at mine.. LOL but anyway thats not why I am here….
I am here to say, that I have had people tell me as far back as I can remember that something I said or did was mean or intentionally nasty. I know when I am trying to be mean or intentional, because it hurts and I want it too… Now with that being said, I have also realized that no matter how much I water something down and try to take the sting out of what is being said or written people are left with their own interpretation of it.
I dont think anything you said was malicious or mean-spirited, but I do think you should stop trying to explain why you feel the way you do!!! You do not owe the people leaving comments a clearer meaning behind why you feel the way you do!!! If their feelings are SO important, then why are not yours? I loathe when people feel something was said or written a certain way and take it out of context, if they do then oh, well!! Unless you are signing my checks or sleeping next too me at night then I can not be concerned because in the end I cant and wont make everyone a fan of what I have to or need to say
Keep up the good work I love the blog… I do think you need to have daily updates, but you know that is just me and how I feel!!! LOL… you have to make a living so I keep the lack of post too myself (except today) Lol
TNR
August 12, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I don’t agree with everything you say on here, but I still enjoy the blog.
But you should have learned by now that you can’t please everybody and somehow someway you will offend people. Thats just how it is, so you might as well just write.
remthemulatto
August 13, 2010 at 12:56 am
A wise man once said, “If you intend not to offend, use the F word and racial slurs.. That way you won’t be surprised when they are offended anyway.”
mromano
August 13, 2010 at 7:58 am
Mike, your response shows a very clear observation–if someone was offended by that extremely benign piece of yours from AOL news, it is because they are harboring feelings of bigotry themselves. It is a hard concept for people to deal with–we’ve been conditioned from birth to be politically correct, and yet many of us have no idea how to be empathetic towards others so that we CAN relate to what they are going through, and thus end the hate. Let’s use your Tea Party example: There are way too many vocal members of this movement who will say something offensive, and then shrug it off as if to say “who, me racist?”. I can picture those same people saying “isn’t this white people hating black people things so over? what about all the reverse racism that’s out there?” That is a perfect example of your average idiot racist, for several reasons:
1) if racism was over……you would not hear so many people complaining about it. Just because it is not as blatant as it once was does not mean it does not exist in a more passive-aggressive form ( Hi Arizona ).
2) there is no such thing as reverse racism. if you are hispanic and hate asians, you are racist. if you are asian and hate white people, you are racist. if you are black and hate white people, you are racist. if you are white retired person receiving government benefits and a Tea Party supporter…….draw your own conclusions.
3) since when has complaining that “he started it” and do quite a bit “he keeps touching me” ever gotten you out of trouble with your parents? this is not a mature attitude even at age 11, much less now. if you want to decrease government spending, you better have some sound economic reasons, and do quite a bit of research, and leave the clown costumes at home, lest you want people to think you are Bozo the bigot.
Kristy
August 13, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Racism still exists whether they acknowledge it or not. After reading some of these comments, I concluded that some of them are either naive, condone racism, or just plain stupid. I’ll go with all three. Perhaps if they look beyond their neighborhood, or look and listen to media outlets where prejudiced/racist viewpoints take place. Of all the Presidents, Obama is the only president who has received threats made on his life because of his race and it still continues. Although racism did not start with him, it hasn’t ended with him either. Until people acknowledge that racism toward anyone and prejudice of any kind will not be tolerated, it will still remain as a cancer to society. Also its one thing to disagree with the direction that Obama and his administration has done and another to slander and threaten him and his family. For example, Glenn Beck slandered one of Obama’s daughters yet have the audacity to tell people to leave Palin’s children alone. If your disgust is with her father, then why degrade the child just to get a rile out of the parent? Crazy.
One of the comments by a reader: “This article is an affront to those of us who despise the ‘idiot in the White House,’ not because he is black but because of his socialist policies that have put this nation in hopeless debt.” I’m sorry but wasn’t our nation already in debt prior to Obama getting into office? When Bush Jr. spent billions of dollars on a pointless war and, during his term, Bin Laden was still on the loose in a cave somewhere, Bush decided to relocate from Afghanistan to Iraq which cost more money. Obama is doing something Bush refused to do overseas and locally. Obama should not be held accountable for putting our nation in debt or causing problems; for, he walked in facing the problems that Bush Jr. refused to fix while in office.
Lola
August 14, 2010 at 6:58 am
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, it’s our rights as citizens, but the truth is the truth and it doesn’t always coincide with what we personally think is right.
This Tea Party has underlying racial issues and it should be dealt with now before it snowballs into some sort of quasi-witch hunt later on against minorities. We are already kinda seeing movements like this happening within Arizona with the Minute Men who have been patrolling the borders and pushing for harder legislation against illegals. Although that is another matter this makes me fear what might happen in the future and what other minority group they will next deem as being against the “American way of life.”
And on the Gabby thing….Look I’m fat too and we have it hard and people treat you differently because of it and will act mean for no reason because of it too but she’s had a long time to deal with it so their is no excuse.
Misty Knight
August 18, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Uggh..Im glad I don’t have to be so diplomatic. I too at once tried to view the Tea Party as objectively as I did Black Republicans, and find both the be equally nauseating. Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade. Granted the Tea Party movement started while George Bush was in offce, but one cannot overlook that somehow after Obama’s election, all the over-taxed oppressed white masses had an reawakening, and felt the need to maintain and defend the constitution,-which like the Bible has been misinterpreted, and inappropiately applied more times than we can muster to count. Ironically both are reference staples for the party in question.
If you can’t say it I will
‘THEY ARE IDIOTS! plain and simple. Beyond the stuffed Obama monkey’s, racial slurs, blatant bigotry and token negros, you have a group of people clamouring to protect a consitution that they don’t understand, and try as much as they do to mirror libertarian prinicpals. They are still rooted in good ole GOP social darwinism, populism, misinformation, and fear tactics.
The GOP has always trained the white working class majority, to dehumanize the minority underclass, and cheris a private sector, who gives two dry fucks about thier well being, while shipping thier jobs overseas in the name of a free market, and simutaneously demonizing immigrants, and outsourcing, shame them for being jobless, then dare thier asses to have the audacity for receiving unemployment benefits, while handing out loans to thier industry co-horts and significant campaign supporters. They are supreme puppet masters, and as long as white people dance to this same tired diddy before they realize they too are just pawns, and not really in the huddle thesetypes of party’s , and its sentiments will go strong and steady. Hence thier leaders vocalizing thier wish to abolish Social Security,
They are not anti-government, they are anti-assistance. And transparent as hell.