He Needed 14.66 For Their Lunch Date
I have been on some pretty awful dates in my time. There was my first date at 17, where I was driving so bad that the girl asked me to pull over and let her drive my mother’s car to her destination of choice – a Chinese buffet (where she threw all the way down). Afterwards, I didn’t bother making any kind of play for her.
Can you guess why?
I might have finally gotten the gender right, but I still can’t pick a reliant member of the Y chromosome to save my life.
Which leads me to the second date I ever had with a man. What was starting off to be a decent date went sour once he looked at me with befuddlement when I explained to him that I had no interest in women.
Him: “So wait, you don’t like women at all?”
Me: “No. I’m gay.”
To this day, I’m not sure why such a statement baffles the gay men I meet but I hell I’ve come across stranger things – like red velvet fried chicken.
There was this one date where I ended up being eaten alive by fire ants and becoming BFFs to Palmer’s to heal the scars.
I can’t forget to mention the last date I had in which it turned out to be a non-date that ended in me wanting to beat the shit out of the guy for wasting my time. This person previously asked about sexual positions and my belief in God all in the span of ten minutes. He then later claimed I was the one who came on too strong.
Why I even bothered with this person is a mystery only a future therapist may answer.
But yet like the saying goes there’s always someone worse off than you.
Enter my best friend of a decade, Kim, who over the weekend told me about a date so bad that I felt compelled to apologize on behalf of men everywhere.
Gentleman, if you ask a woman out for lunch, could you please have the money to pay for the meal?
Kim alerted me about her lunch date minutes before it started.
She said he was good-looking, younger, but broke.
Kim was never sure how broke, but she did notice he would always suggest the two go for a walk. In theory it sounds a bit traditional and romantic. However, in Houston, a walk in the park is like taking a tour ride through hell.
Yesterday Houston had a heat index of 115 degrees. On Saturday night it was still 95 degrees at 8:00 p.m. Would you want to walk in that?
No, so a cheap lunch sounded more appealing.
I told her that so long as she didn’t marry him moments after the date ended, it was alright to go out with him. You know, for the hell of it.
Yeah, I will never tell her that again. In fact, when you don’t want to go somewhere with a person, quote me on saying it’s better to not even bother. Otherwise, you might end up putting in on a meal you didn’t even want.
This man, ya’ll, ended up asking my friend to chip in on the food because he didn’t have enough cash on him.
Mind you, she did the man a solid by picking Chili’s for lunch. It’s not a place she would normally pick for a date (maybe not at all anymore, I heard they lost their touch), but she knew dude was light in the wallet so she was being courteous.
She was punished for it.
Kim tells me after the bill was laid on the table, the guy looked down, confused, and grabbed his iPhone to do the math.
“Yeah, I think Imma need you,” he told Kim.
Kim says she shot him a crazy look like, “Negro (with an igga), I ain’t paying for this shit.”
So he responded to her non-verbal communication verbally with, “Wait a minute, I gotta see if I can transfer.”
He looked around, pulled out an ACE card, and laid it on the table.
She asked, “What is that? A Rush Card?”
Close, it’s a card issued by the check-cashing place to people without bank accounts.
Now, the man has two phones – an iPhone being one of them (Yes, I know Walmart sales them now, but still) – but no bank account?
If that’s not a nutty Negro failure, I don’t know what is.
The bill total was $33.12.
She asked, “How much do you need?”
He needed $14.46.
She had $14 on her.
He put the 66 cents on his credit card.
This is the type of mess that leads to shows like Basketball Wives.
So what did they order?
She had a Triple play, which is an appetizer, and a drink. He had a chicken sandwich and a drink. He could only afford his chicken sandwich and maybe two sips of drink.
Broke people, order water with lemon.
Or better yet don’t order shit and all.
I think he knows this, because he told my friend that next time he’ll just eat before he takes her out.
Bless his heart, they’re not going out again.
I don’t want to judge anyone struggling given you never know what ambition and fate can do to a person in their respective future. At the same time, though, if you can’t even afford a meal at a restaurant two bar stools ahead of a clean fast food chain, why are you asking people out on dates?
Do you have a horrible date story? If so, gon’ and share.
honesty
August 16, 2010 at 6:13 am
YAAAAAASSS for the kingsley .gif!
Kay
August 16, 2010 at 9:46 am
I once had a blind date with a dude that talked WAY too much!!! And at the end, I told him I need to hurry and get back so I could swing by Marshalls and pick up my layaway (yes, i’m the layaway queen and aint shamed), so he said he would take me…I went in and paid for my layaway, browsed thru the clothes and said, i’m done….the next day, he wrote me a LONG ass email saying he couldn’t with me, cause I spend too much money on clothes! Negro, bye!!! My funds, my business…if I aint asking you to pay my light bill, while I am rocking the latest in run way, dont tell me shit on how to handle my funds…i gave him the best cussing out he ever had in his short life span and told him to lose all my info! And if you see me in the streets, please do like Isaac Hayes and walk on by….
Janee
August 16, 2010 at 11:43 am
I went to a baseball game with a dude, afterward we were driving to a party. He asked me if I was gonna “kiss it” when I said no, he put me out the car.
sickwitit
August 16, 2010 at 11:59 am
Him: “So wait, you don’t like women at all?”
Me: “No. I’m gay.”
_______________________________________
wait, what? Two men on a date and one asks the other if they like women? *confused as well*
Token
August 16, 2010 at 1:00 pm
This is hilarious.
Jo
August 16, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I picked him up, I paid for the movie, I bought snacks at the movie, and on the way home he asks me to stop by Mickey Ds and got food for himself. (Although he offered but I declined) Point is he had money. If he didn’t have enough, he could’ve at least offered to chip in for his own movie ticket. Then he expected to get some in the car….
Lisa
August 16, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I could top both of yall. I met my dinner date at 145 St. & St. Nick. He pick me up in his car, to leave me there to sell bootleg Louis V’s to nearby Dominican Salons!
Yeah.
And I guess he wasn’t much of a saleman cuz I ended up going half on dinner and helping him with gas money.
SMH.
Perfecting Me B
August 16, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for a guy that likes guys to ask his date if he likes women or not. The asker may not even go on another date if the askee’s response is “no”. I have heard and seen it too many times.
ANONYMOUS
August 16, 2010 at 3:29 pm
OMG!!! That is ridiculous LMAO
WYGTBA
August 16, 2010 at 10:05 pm
perfecting me b is quite correct!!!
apparently to some men an interest or liking women, even though they themselves have sex with men and are gargling babies like it’s listerine, is a measure of masculinity
WYGTBA
August 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm
and you dead wrong for martin .gif!!!
lmao!!!!!!!!
J2201987
August 16, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Wow. Maybe it’s time for eHarmony. I hear they have a good success rate.
Antonio
August 17, 2010 at 12:26 am
Yo, I am DEAD at your animated GIFs. They are giving me the LOLz circa Blackplanet, 1999 edition.
I didn’t realize asking for a walk in the park is a dead giveaway to one’s broken status – now I have to start thinking about another M.O. – maybe a ride on the A train or a scenic tour of historic 125th street.
Mia
August 17, 2010 at 8:16 am
Your friend is a better woman than me because I would have made a detour to the “ladies room” and would have been out of there, BUT It is true that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, I notice what works for me is to talk to a guy over the phone for a couple of weeks BEFORE getting together for the date, Make him put in work for that first date! lol, also if you are perceptive you will find out pretty much everything you need to know about him during your phone chats, and the eventual date flows much easier,
and once you do find a good man about his business it’s impossible to go back to bull-ish! like Whitney said in Waiting to exhale! lol
Happy dating ya’ll!
TC
August 17, 2010 at 4:43 pm
14.66? my man had to charge the change….
she’s a good woman and you know the universe will reward her because she could have broke ole broke dude down with that foolishness he pulled!
well let’s see oh…here’s one we were supposed to go to the movies, he didn’t have a car so i had to pick him up, not that bad…however, when it was time to go (mind you we had arranged a time early in the day) when its time to go, i get a text saying to pick him up from a local mall, i get to the mall, he doesn’t answer the phone, i wait he finally calls back to say he is “GETTING SOME SHIRTS MADE” (yes it was THIS YEAR) and he was almost done…long story short i left after waiting for 15 minutes and him not answering the phone, i went to the movies and got my money back for the ticket, oh year i had paid for the tickets in advance because it was opening night…and he couldn’t understand why i left him! CLASSIC
Sunny
August 17, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Woooow, that is embarrassing… perhaps he needs to stick with teeny boppers.. or know what he has before inviting someone out to eat.
I don’t have anything embarrassing…. just stupid. I was on a blind date and after talking to the guy for a few weeks on the phone, I thought he was cool, but once I saw him in person, I was less than pleased so I had my cousin call me on the phone so I could play the whole fake emergency routine.
But yeah… he was on to me. OOPS. lol
MzVirgo
August 17, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I can think of several. But the one that stands out to me was going on a blind date to Blondie’s (a sports bar in NY) and halfway into the date he says to me “I wanna pour barbecue sauce all over you.” I wanted to hurl.
After the date (he did pay), he says, “can we go to a hotel and trade massages?” WTF? After a blind date?
The second one was with a guy who couldn’t stop talking about how much he wanted to smack Sanaa Lathan on the booty and how his father’s ex-fiancee was hitting on him. Date over.
Misty Knight
August 18, 2010 at 12:48 pm
tee hee hee @ “trading massages” HA!
I can top all this shit, when I recall the incident of going out with some dude named “Fred” (dead giveaway), all because I was bored and wanted to be treated to a free dinner, and a movie,and while on said date being confronted by his wife. Who proceded to detail the “Real Fred” who was a broke, ex-felon, with a receding hairline (he wore hats) I thought Joey Greco was about to come out of the shadows
I kinda wish he wouldve I wouldn’t have had to catch a can home.
Lord it was a long night.
brran1
August 18, 2010 at 1:32 pm
My story wasn’t a date per se, but it was a pretty big milestone. My Senior Prom. All was squared away between my date and I up until the day of prom. My date and her mother got into a huge fight and her mother told her that she couldn’t go, so I ended up going alone. No biggie. So I get to prom. Take pictures. Make my way to the dance floor and start busting a move. Then my friend’s date pulls me aside and and tells me that I split my pants. All the way down my leg. smh. I hauled ass to the parking garage to change and went back in, and ended up having a nosebleed about 20 minutes later.
At this point I was at my senior prom Dateless, in street clothes and thoroughly annoyed.
Luvvie
August 19, 2010 at 3:19 am
I am in hysterics! I’m laughing so hard I can’t sit up. And hem gifs??? Only added to the awesomeness that was the story. That mofo put 46 cents on a credit card??? iCANNOT!
E
August 19, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Yeah, I had to get on my computer to see these GIFs. Too funny.
Britt
August 23, 2010 at 3:37 pm
I have several but this takes the cake. *drops mic* Kim you win!
Kimbery
August 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm
I know one thing, I will not make that mistake again…
Steph302
August 23, 2010 at 8:30 pm
I HAD to get in on this. I met dude on Match.com. I don’t usually date divorced men, but he seemed relatively baggage-free…until our first date. After a nice crab cake meal (shouts out to 302!) and a couple drinks, he told me it was a pleasure talking to me and he felt like he could tell me everything. Then he told me all about how he didn’t trust women because his mother stole money from him when he was just out of college so he verbally abused his first wife. And he actually used the term “verbally abused”. This term is never appropriate on any first date under any circumstances. Ever. I’m glad he felt like he could tell me everything that night, because I never spoke to that dude again.
Nik
August 24, 2010 at 8:40 am
A guy asked me out to the movies. i had just gone w my daughter &told him i wouldnt want popcorn bcuz its always stale and gross. he says well i wasnt gone buy you none anyways. 0_0 we go inside the theatre & go right past concessions after he pulled out a handful of bills to pay for the tickets. so the theater was really cold and i started coughing and couldnt stop. i end up having to get up and get water out of the fountain because i felt like i was disturbing people. when we left he was like man you was coughing all in my ear i started to buy you a drink. *sigh so we leave and he decides to stop by the 25 cent drink machine. bought a whole bunch of drinks and didnt offer me NAN after i had just told him my throat was dry and scratchy from coughing the whole movie. i wasnt gone beg tho. then he get out the car at my house. um.. i dont know why. cuz he wasnt getting none after that horrible date. i was starving. dude wouldnt even buy me a 5 dollar hot wing plate from the wingman. i feel like when you take somebody on a date, its your treat. it aint like he was broke .he just didnt givafuck. ugh.
Nathan Lake
January 6, 2011 at 5:27 pm
O wow I feel sorry for kim lol there should be a website where you can post a mans picture for being a horrible date and tell the whole world lol, that way you can do your research before even making a failed attempt.
Lae
August 24, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I’m revisiting this in light of your most recent post, but I somewhat disagree. Call me progressive, but why does it fall to the man to always pay for a date? Why is that the obligation/expectation? Tradition for tradition’s sake, or is there something else? I typically prefer to go Dutch–it’s fair and then you know you’re going out with someone because you want to, not because of the prospect of getting a free meal.
That being said, I wouldn’t date a broke man, because that has implications for failures in other aspects of his life.