Minding Your Manners
I like to think of myself as a pretty well mannered guy. I open doors for women when they let me, refer to women in certain settings as ma’am, and try my best to always be hospitable. As a southern boy I feel like not being a rude jackass is essential to my identity.
Of course, moving around a lot to various cities outside of the south over the years has certainly tested my principles. I’ve been reminded plenty of times by women not to refer to them as ma’am because it makes them feel old. Usually, the women who sass me over ma’am are indeed old and insecure, but no matter, as you wish…my lady.
Several times have I gotten odd looks from women after opening the door for them. Like, “What in the fuck is wrong with you? I can open my own damn door.” Or flat out befuddlement. I’m not sure it’s because I’m a gentleman or if it’s because I’m a black gentleman (only in some instances – when it’s super obvious). Nevertheless, I behave the way I was raised to be – well, minus being heterosexual, church going, and whatever other heteronormative standard my mama preferred I adhered to.
I’m even polite enough not to force my ways onto other people. However, I have something to share with ya’ll and I hope I don’t sound like whiner for saying it: I really fucking hate when people just randomly talk to me without saying hello.
Like, on Facebook and Twitter I get it, but c’mon now, when there’s open ended conversations by way of IM, text, or BBM, can’t you be bothered to say a greeting first before you go into whatever you’re about to say? Especially if you’re about to ask me for something.
A hello goes a long way, you heffas. I say heffa with love, of course.
I’m trying to not sound all fancy (huh) as if I’m the Duke of Hiram Clarke and therefore require extra courtesy, but seriously, I find it rude. Not intentionally rude, but rude all the same. Everyone’s in a rush to get their point across that they don’t even stop to say hello to a person.
And that’s sort of disappointing.
OK, so that was melodramatic but I felt like I was on a roll. But do you see what I mean?
I’m not perfect. As fast as my fingers and mouth usually go I sometimes slip up. But, I will say, though, I usually catch myself after the first quick statement and add a hello, a hi, hey, what up, you get it. Or I’ll say something slick intentionally and note that it was my silly means of saying such.
I feel like some of my friends are going to think I’m indirectly targeting them. I’m not. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for months. Some of my friends will read this and not give a damn and well proceed to carry on as is.
That’s fine, too, but I hope at least four of you will stop and think, “I’m going to start telling my friends ‘hi’ before I proceed to bum rush their phone or chat boxes.”
And for the record, not saying goodbye and leaving an open conversation just hanging is irritating as hell, too.
You’re welcome…and shit.
Hello.
You’ve pointed out something to me I never noticed before, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Regards, good sir.
LOL @ Derek
Yeah, I know a girl who has this same issue with me. For me, if I wanted to be all formal and ish, I woulda call you and you coulda got your ‘Hello’ then. Text messaging is suppose to be quick and to the point. I do not leave a conversation without saying ‘goodbye’, but I don’t jump to say hello either. Weird eh? I suppose. But any other social setting (IE: face to face, facebook message, phone call, etc), you’ll get ‘Hey, girl Hey!’. But via text, not so much. Sorry for being THAT girl. :-/
Well, what I don’t like is when people cut me off when I say “hello” (usually on the phone) or when someone says “K” when acknowledging something instead of “OK” in a text message.
As far as “Ma’am” goes, it does make me feel a bit old. I understand it’s good manners, but it sort of aging. I also hate the word “dear”, for some reason it does seem a bit condescending. A co worker of mine calls me “dear” and I want to strangle him! Mind you, we are both the same age. Isn’t “dear” a term of endearment? Why in the hell is he calling me “dear”?
At least you do have manners. Some men in New York don’t have any; they are so aggressive and don’t even offer a lady a seat on the subway.
like @PISCESTIA said, it doesn’t bother me when that happens in text messages, or even phone calls or on facebook b/c to me all those channels of communication are informal what really gets me is when it happens in emails at work!!!
that sh1t really boils my peanuts!!
don’t send me an email w/ out saying “hello/hey” or something to that effect it’s so f8cking rude especially if it’s an email that involves something very serious/important where you want to want to make sure no one is taking offense or anything— not sure if what i’m trying to say is coming through, but yeah i don’t like that sh1t at work!
Hi *stands up slowly* my name is “Nonayabizznizz” and I was a chronic blow-folks-of-aholic. I often didn’t say “Hello” when wanting something from individuals (mainly coworkers)…until I met Suzie.
Suzie was a 50 year old God fearing woman (married for 30 years with children “my age” in which she constantly reminded me) who threw a bucket of cold water on my face (figuratively speaking). One day as I walked up to Suzie I jumped head first into my question. To my surprise Suzie didn’t reply, yet she was looking me square in the face the whole time. After this stare down I thought to myself *is she hearing impaired or was I speaking another language?”….neither was the case. You see after I asked my question, Suzie softly said “Hello”…but this was no ordinary “hello”. This was the “these young folks don’t have any manners and you will ACKNOWLEDGE ME” type of hello. Needless to say I chuckled, swallowed my pride (because the old me would have said phuck you old lady) and said “Hello” only to RE-ASK my question for Suzie to sweetly smile and said “I can’t help you dear.”
Needless to say I now keep my manner in check – thanks to Suzie *sits back down*
“Some of my friends will read this and not give a damn and well proceed to carry on as is.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
This is an eternal pet peeve for me. I have a coworker who is notorious for starting conversations out of the blue without a hello. What bothers me most about it is the fact that she only initiates the conversation to ask me for something. I simply type good morning/hello/whatever’s fitting and nothing else after that. It takes her a while but she’ll reply back with a hello and I proceed to answer her question. We’re still working on it.