Can We Not Talk About This All The Time?
“Success is nothing without someone u love to share it with.” — Billy Dee Williams
I really despise Billy Dee Williams for saying this in Mahogany, because he truly put fear in many people’s hearts – fear that’s been since passed on to generation after generation.
Let it be known that while I am often single, this post is not reeking of couple envy. It is however doused in frustration over some people who only seem to want to talk about relationships.
All the damn time.
Their relationships, whatever relationship they feel I should have (sweet, but stop), the relationships of others, and maybe your relationships, too, if you shared so much as a first initial of whoever it is you’re dating.
Why? Well, because no one wants to end up alone, right? Not being married or at least living in sin is like the worst thing ever?
That is according to those creepy Washington Post articles about black women being bound to a life of loneliness. There have also been articles printed across the pond about white women developing “Bridget Jones” disorder. You know, the same sad scenario only in a different color and fancier accent.
And when I’m not dodging questions about my dating life or entertaining diatribes about the dating life of others, I’m seeing posts all across the Web dedicated to everything relationships.
Who wants to get married? Why doesn’t he want to get married? Where can I find a boo? Why don’t I have a man? Will I ever get married? Will they?
Meanwhile, I’m a workaholic who is the product of an embittered marriage. Combined with the fact that I’ve never had a real boyfriend (I’ve dated, had someone I called a fake boyfriend, obsessed over someone I would push you into traffic if it meant I could have him, and been annoyed with others) and you can see how far having a relationship ranks on my list.
If you can’t figure it out, let me help you: It’s way below having a successful career, clearing my debt, having a nice living, and right above having an unlimited Chick-fil-A card.
So you know, the idea of being someone who can I appreciate me is there, but I opt not to obsess over it.
Maybe I’m so used to being alone and not seeing many successful relationships that it’s made my way of thinking out of wack. I’m almost grateful for that after seeing the alternatives.
I was doomed to be jaded considering what I saw growing up, and experience has since made me even more jaded. So much that I’ve told some of my friends that I could see myself being super duper successful but alone.
Oh, does such a statement spook some. The reaction is typically like, “What? You sad little clown. You can’t say that. You just can’t.”
Why? Because it does indeed sound sad, but even sadder is the fear that it could happen to them, too.
Then again, I’ve seen the number children, marriage, and infatuation and obsessions with “ideal standards” sponsored by Hallmark have done to people. Eh is all I can say.
What’s my solution? I don’t obsess over it. Whatever happens will so I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it and I’d rather not that be the main thing I’m always on when I open my mouth.
Cool?
Apparently, not to everyone.
I’m perplexed (but not surprised) that in the worst economic period in several decades, that there are plenty of people more pressed about not having a date than what a clusterfuck their generation is in.
It would be great if people multi-task in their thinking, but yeah, doesn’t happen often enough. Some are one-dimensional. Some only want to talk about relationships.
Again: All the damn time.
What kills me about it is that none of the talking seems really progressive. When I witness these discussions they all seem like a rehash of cliché’s that makes me feel like I’m recreating Love Jones. With you breeders anyway.
I mean no disrespect if these sort of conversations are your thing, but dear God, I’d rather masturbate on a cactus than lead such a life.
There’s having nice frank conversations every now and then, and then there’s you creeping me the fuck out.
The press has really done a number of some people, huh?
It’s why you so many are capitalizing on this hysteria by becoming relationship gurus despite that naan ring being on their finger. Not that it matters given there are plenty of suckers ready to indulge them because they can’t help it.
Another day, another topic for sure.
Look, I’m not going to pretend that I’m impervious to pain and gleefully smile through my cynical outlook on love.
However, I have my moments and then I move forward. I have so much else to focus on. Like that tramp Sallie Mae who won’t remove herself from my nuts. The same can be said of that tick known as for that Citibank.
Student loan shade aside, tell me you understand what I mean? Lie if you don’t. Call me grouchy if you must. I’ll still want those who can only think about and speak only of their search of “the one” crazy all the same.
TC
August 31, 2010 at 1:42 pm
you better TELL IT!
and since i am now 30 and my friends are now 30 and since i am working my way up to the double digit bridesmaid black version of 27 dresses people seem to think it bothers me…
no it bothers you…maybe i am just content in my house and with my dog and living DRAMA free and by gooly batman can a black woman just be happy in her own skin by herself! gee werlacurls…
i can admit i have done my time down the relationship obesse lane…but that nightmare freeway could easily be mistaken for i395 on a thursday going to alexandria, yea it was way to crowed…
so i’ll be easy right over here on this country road chillen
Nicki
August 31, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I have to agree with you. I’m all about my goals right now, yet when I’m out with friends it always goes back to why I don’t have a boo and their mission to find me one. It’s unbelievable to some folks that I’m actually *shock* okay by myself.
sickwitit
August 31, 2010 at 4:06 pm
What about if you don’t have kids by 22 something’s wrong with you. Damn a relationship lmao. I also grew up in a home witnessing a completely dysfunctional relationship. I vowed early on that would not be me…in any capacity. When it happens it happens shit.
Lisa
September 1, 2010 at 12:12 am
Don’t forget about the dismay from others of not only being single, but being single and childless. I’m turning 30 in October and I when I tell people I don’t have kids they act like they want to check my pulse!
Malange Owens
September 1, 2010 at 9:43 am
“Meanwhile, I’m a workaholic who is the product of an embittered marriage. Combined with the fact that I’ve never had a real boyfriend (I’ve dated, had someone I called a fake boyfriend, obsessed over someone I would push you into traffic if it meant I could have him, and been annoyed with others) and you can see how far having a relationship ranks on my list.”
That right there rang heavens bells for me. I feel the same way…..Good post as usual..
k
September 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm
PREACH BOY! Ditto to all that..I’m waiting on my Chcikfila card also. You are on point with this one. I can’t stand when people in relationships can’t find shit else to talk about. It’s like damn I know you got problems just like me. I know there’s a bill somewhere that hasn’t been paid we can discuss. Damn, damn, damn! This post had me rotflmao! for real..keep up tha good work..2 snaps and I’m out!
Marsha
September 3, 2010 at 10:04 am
I am right there with you. People are quick to ask me when I am planning on having kids. I am not a kid person. I see a kid and my first reaction is to skedaddle to the next continent. Kids just don’t do it for me. I could probably see 50 baby pictures and not ooh or aah over them. My vagina literally cringes at the thought of breeding. I also feel that if I were to give birth, my child would be living embodiment of the Anti-Christ, but then again, that is just me. I’ve seen enough horror movies where the plot involves a seemingly innocent kid turning out to have the killer instincts of a great white, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson combined to not be in a rush to join the Future Breerders of America Association. I know, I know, just my imagination going off on a tangent once again.