Who Wants To Choke?

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I’ve been looking for a new dance to do in a random parking lot, on a sidewalk, or in a crowded gym (for inspiration) for a few months now.

The flex is old and its heir apparent, the daddy stroke just didn’t serve the same level of inspiration. So while I’ve definitely been looking, I surely am not ready to settle – especially on some shit like this.

This is the kind of dance I hate because it makes me feel old. I don’t want to feel like I need to join a yoga class or stock up one Ben Gay to jig, get it big. And, I don’t want to have to think about the thought process behind a given random dance.

That’s certainly what I’m doing right now after watching this video.

As in I’m debating if this is supposed to be some shout out to our ancestors. Or say, some mating dance you do in order to boost someone’s sperm cell count. Better yet, if you’re going to do a dance that’s best described as “humps and a bump,” why not just go fuck as it’s clearly this dance’s inspiration?

Wait…am I not appreciating foreplay by saying that, am I?

Oh and don’t think that “Jungle Boogie” didn’t play in my head at least twice while watching this.

See! I’m thinking too much about something that likely didn’t have many thoughts behind its creation.

Yet it’s still so hard to not think about it.

You could also describe it as, “What if Kid and Play had an ass fetish?”

Maybe even “the bump with a boner.”

According to World Star Hip Hop it’s actually called “the choker” and it’s the way many South Americans prefer to move their bodies after a shot of whatever the hell they drink down there.

Then again, this video is taken during the daytime so one could easily assume it’s something they just do for the hell of it.

“I passed my Algebra test, c’mere girl and let me choke that ass.”

Or: “Or gym coach sent a bird messenger (pardon my facetious ignorance) to call in sick, which means I won’t get to do any cardio today. Hey, boy – come choke up on it and let me burn off these lettuce wraps.”

And before you even suggest it in the comments section, I’m typing this sober.

Anyway, this dance reminds me of that “hit it to the beat” entry I wrote a couple of months ago. That particular dance looked like an orgy. This is eerily similar to gang rape.

I do appreciate the slight gender-neutral backshot action the dance has going. I mean, let homegirl break you off something proper, too. I guess.

Still, you won’t find me doing this. I feel like one day someone is going to coerce me into trying it after a good bottomless mimosa brunch or ratchet Happy Hour and some girl sitting on swole is going to knock my slim ass to the ground. An even worse scenario is someone spilling my alcohol.

If I tried this with a guy it would probably be considered Mike’s first sex tape.

All bad scenarios. I’ll let ya’ll have this one. In the meantime, if you do know of some new dance, share the wealth.

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