Perez, Please

Perez Hilton is a self-loathing, mean spirited, tactless asshole with delusions of grandeur but equipped with only one notable skill: The ability to turn on a computer.

To his credit, he had enough foresight to start a blog (that is, after recommendation and explanation) that would help blow away the myth that its only use was to play the role of “dear diary.”

That vision has allowed him to achieve a sense of fame, obvious fortune, establish the now abusive term that is “brand” and inspire others with his same range of talent (none) that they, too, can reap the benefits of a celebrity-obsessed society willing to crown anyone a “star” for the mere sake of having one lying around on a slow news day.

In theory, one could say that reason is enough to hate him.

I’m fair, though, so even I can acknowledge that if he weren’t him, it would just be someone else benefiting from our culture’s crack addict-like need for celebrity. So you can’t be mad at him for that.

Thankfully, Perez’ personality provides plenty of others to.

I of all people cannot dare criticize someone else for being critical of others. Critical people don’t bother me, malicious people with no purpose other than one self-serving do.

When in the case of Perez and other bloggers it’s obvious some people have a better sense of their limits than others.

I don’t talk about defenseless children. I also, typically am no fan of witch hunts.

And before you even dare speak it, let me making something clear. There is a difference between me wanting to help someone find out that they’re being lied to and going out of my way to ‘out’ people who essentially are already out to the people in their respective circles.

Lance Bass wasn’t smashing Mandy Moore while singing into JC Chasez’s personal microphone.

From my understanding, he may have led his life privately but he lived it honestly. However, to Perez he was doing the man a favor by using him to boost his own profile.

He had an interesting way of writing it: “Out of respect for their privacy and security — and because we are not evil — we did not mention where Lance & Reichen will be staying in Palm Springs this weekend. But … If you pop on over, you’re bound to run into them at one of the local sex clubs or something.”

Other instances of Perez’ classiness can be traced to his past comments about Clay Aiken, who Perez once wrote about saying, “Clay may be a bottom and only 26, but he’s one helluva sugar daddy.”

His rationale for doing these antics was: “In my own way, subserviently, I am trying to make the world a better place.”

This along with writing words like “Whoreanus” over people’s faces is what made this quintessential embittered queen a millionaire. You know, along with fighting for world peace.

That is fine (for him), but when Perez took to Twitter to take a stand against gay bullying it seemed hilariously hypocritical.

As in: How in the hell can this racist jackass who throws out the words “nigger” and “faggot” like it’s nothing while simultaneously publicly outing non-double dipping gay people have the gall to talk about someone else being a bully?

It seems enough people have brought this revelation to his attention, which is why he took to YouTube to gave his two bit tribute to “Man In The Mirror:”

Speaking of which, didn’t Perez Hilton make fun of Michael Jackson the day he died?

But I digress.

I suppose I should be happy that he’s seemingly realized his longstanding run with hypocrisy.

Yet, I refuse to because I have a hard time believing him.

Does anyone remember when Tyra Banks made an arrangement with Perez to have him stop talking about children for a certain period of time if he could make an appearance on America’s Next Top Model?

Baby, I swear it’s déjà vu.

If Perez Hilton removes the meanness from his site, what exactly does he have? People.com is already taken and Michael K is already handling smarter celebrity disses in mainstream entertainment.

He’s aware of this, which is why he warned a skeptical Ellen DeGeneres on his show that he’s still going to remain “sassy.”

As she pointed out, “sassy” is a very vague and subjective term.

So what’s sassy? Evidently, he might not out you anymore but he’ll still post your sexual escapades – like the way he did Academy Award winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black.

Perez posted flicks of Black and another man doing the deed but insinuated that the sex was unprotected. Given Dustin’s work with AIDS Awareness, needless to say such an accusation has some consequences.

The biggest irony of Perez saying he’ll fight bullying by way of example despite still promising to produce sex shots is that such a stunt is exactly what lead to the suicide of Tyler Clementi.

This is why I while I’d like to believe Perez, it doesn’t seem realistic to.

I’m all for growth and evolution and I understand that he can’t change if we don’t let him. At the same time, we all make some choices that we have to live with. It takes a lot of effort to really alter perceived errors.

In Perez’ case, he’s essentially only offering to slightly change the way he conducts his business.

That may be cute to discuss on television shows and Internet vlogs, but to many of us skeptics out there it seems rather hard to believe someone who’s spent so much energy building a brand on being a bitch settling on a sudden boredom.

If I’m wrong and he indeed makes a change for once in his life, I’ll revisit this post.

As of now, it only appears to me that this guy realizes that he can no longer exploit other people’s lives to bolster his own self-image because it’s become passé in light of the string of suicides.

And when you have to stay ahead of the curve ball in order to thrive, you’ll get desperate enough to try anything. Even kindness.

That is, only as long as you feel you’ll need to be.