You Sent It, Now Make It Stop: Antoine Dodson’s Halloween

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“This is what happens when you get discovered, honey.”

This video was sent to me under the direction that I must write about it. The problem with such a request is that when it comes to Antoine Dodson, I can’t think of many words to use. Well, words that require more than four letters anyway.

Far be it from me to knock the next man’s hustle, but at the same time I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say that Antoine Dodson irks the living hell out of me.

When video of him telling people to hide their kids, their wives, and hide their better senses after a man allegedly tried to rape his sister first went viral, I ignored it. For two reasons: Largely because it was all prefaced to me as some sort of joke and there is never a time I find anything related to rape remotely funny.

Yes. I’m one of those. I’m the type of person who can’t laugh at anything like sexual assault. I’m so serious. Damn me. And stuff.

My personal feelings aside, I didn’t knock the queen for ranting and waving his bus pass as he energetically told a local reporter about what apparently happened at their place in the projects. This is like what if Good Times came out during a reality TV world and Michael Evans wasn’t in the closet. I didn’t knock anyone else for finding amusement in it even if I didn’t.

But that was when I thought this video would be a one off deal and he would quietly go away. That would have been too much like right, though. And sadly, thanks to the Internet when it comes to people lusting for fame and those who will help hand it to them in exchange for providing them something to past the time with during their work day, things will never be quite right again.

First there was that song that I don’t think I’ve ever heard in full. Now, there’s a Halloween custom. Seriously?

Yes, for $18.99 (it’s on sale now) you can get an Antoine Dodson custom wig, red bandana, black tank top, and “Antoine’s autographed rolled up paper” just in time for Halloween.

And if you buy, which I’m assuming many of you will, you’ll keep Antoine in the finest hair the scalps of India and Malaysia can provide.

I had a mini debate in my head over this and this is how in played out:

1. Shit.

2. Damn.

3. Motherfucker.

4. Coon.

5. Buffoon.

6. Shoot me.

7. No, shoot him.

8. Wait, let’s not shoot anyone.

9. Okay, coon is mean but is it alright to say he’s like a watermelon with tracks added?

10. Fuck it, it is a lil’ coonish.

11. I can’t believe this bullshit.

12. Wait, I can. Damn you people.

I guess there is a positive side to this – for him anyway. As some of you have noted, his family is out of the projects and as he put it, “he’s having fun.”

It’s evident in the numerous times he says “I live” and how “sickening” everything else in all of his videos (which were also linked to me).

So, yeah, I get that aspect of it all but I still seem to come to the same conclusion: I want the clock keeping count of his seconds of marginal fame stomped on, burned, and then tossed into the mouth of Boy Kardashian.

Antoine means no harm, but his handlers – including that white dude I keep hearing in the background of all his videos telling him what to shill – not so much.

I have a hard time believing if this all went down in a trailer park and the alleged victim were some woman named Becky that the population supporting this bullshit would be still singing along to Autotune.

Plus, the more Antoine talks the more I question his better senses and the people bothering to give him any press to begin with.

Like his interview with The Root, in which he’s introduced as a “concerned brother.”

What is he supposed to be concerned about? Whatever he’s being instructed to promote in these random YouTube clips he’s uploaded to his page?

Ya’ll do know this fool hasn’t a clue, right?

TR: African Americans have a particular, sensitive history with minstrel shows, which made a mockery of the conditions of black folk. Do you think people will connect your performance with minstrelsy?
AD: Of course they will connect it with that. The media is just going try to bring you down, but the whole thing about it is, I’m going to try my best not to be another Britney Spears and not let it take me down. I won’t go through it like she did, but she came out of it. People have jobs where they just dig up stuff, so you better count on it.

This is exactly why I hate the “read hear and repeat” culture we live in where people say things because “they sound right” versus actually taking the time to think before speaking.

The media is responsible for you even being relevant to people in need of a buffoon to laugh at. You should be grateful.

Also, did this dude compare himself to Britney Spears?

TR: What do you plan to do with the fame?
AD: I plan to do a lot of things. I want to be everywhere. I want to get into the music industry. I want to be the voice of the people. Most of my fans are rape victims who are scared to talk about it. I want them to speak about it and do it aggressively — not trying to make a joke out of it and become a celebrity, but to let it flow from their hearts. When it comes to serious situations like this, you should really speak out.

Nothing says making rape serious like a fucking Halloween costume.

As for his thoughts on the Bishop Long controversy (yes, he was asked about it — not so “sickening” but I digress):

From the look of it, I saw some of the boys’ interviews, and one of them is well-spoken and intelligent. Maybe they were scared to speak out all of these years. I don’t know, but I smell money.

Says the man with a song, costume, and God knows what else on the way.

I don’t want to seem like one of the “bourgie blacks” or “haters” Antoine speaks of. I often do let some stereotypes ride. However, this is a bit much and I don’t appreciate how the actual story has been pimped out. A Halloween costume seems to go way too far.

I hope you all are having a good laugh at this. Meanwhile, every couple of minutes a person actually is being raped. Antoine’s doing his capitalistic duty, but me thinks the actual rape victims out there aren’t laughing nor would would a free costume tide them over.

For Christmas, give this man a broom and let fly off into the sunset. Or beauty school. That’s one actual talent that likely shouldn’t go wasted.

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