Five Phrases To Fry

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This post is dedicated to one of my favorite pastimes on the site: Complaining about some shit I know I cannot change. For some people, that would read as pointless but for me it’s still cathartic. Plus, it’s my own special way of paying homage to the grouchy old man on the stoop. As in Mr. Wilson throwing a bitch fit.

So if you’re down, bend ya knees and slide under the link. If not, Google around – but make sure you come back here tomorrow. Thanks.

Alright, ya’ll, I know I’ve already pointed out the kind of people who irk me on Twitter and the worrisome folks in general but this here is different.

This is about the most overused phrases people say that get on my nerves.

Shall we?

“My life is a movie.”

Why does everyone say this now? I can’t remember the source of this phrase, but I do often know I always hate hearing it. If you say it you’re well within your right to continue to, of course. It’s just confusing is all.

More times than not, you’re life is not a damn movie and neither is the mundane event you’re describing.

“I’m at the Chinese buffet and they ran out of duck sauce – my life is a movie.”

Bitch, no it’s not, hoe.

“I’m at the movies. My life is a movie.”

Oh okay (#payhomage, Baltimore).

“I ran the red light. My life is a movie.”

If by movie you mean the video you have to watch in driver’s ed in order not to have points on your license, sure. Hell, I hope you get a sequel for abusing this saying.

Your life may be exciting or not so exciting but no matter how you flip it, constantly describing it as a movie is an ultimate shade to my film collection. Cut that shit out.

“X is deep.”

I feel sorry for the word deep. It didn’t ask to be the world’s most overly used word. It’s not “deep’s” fault that I want to take it and toss it down in the deep sea Dexter-style.

I swear someone can type “W and E equals WE” and 40 fools will look at the nonsense with a forced gaze in their eyes so they can tell everybody how “deep” it is.

Likewise, whenever someone copies and paste a quote they found on the Internet, other banal dipshits have to salivate over it like it a McRib.

Many say “deep” so much to come across as such only the manner in which they go about conveying depth only further proves how vapid and shallow they are.

More times than not, if you have to use the word “deep” to describe something of depth chances are it’s not really that deep at all.

Shout out to my past post, “You’re As Deep As A Wad of Spit, Shut Up.”

Anything to do with the haters.

I think I was first introduced to the term 15-plus years ago via an Eightball and MJG album. Do these dudes even use the term every other second the way some of ya’ll do?

Stop using “haters” to distance yourself from legitimate criticism. Cease and desist on tirades about “haters” when God knows the only person that hates you is your bill collector. And please, for the good of humanity if you use “haters” every day of your life seek professional help because after a certain age having an imaginary friend is flat out crazy as hell.

“I’m an intellectual.”

This one might ruffle more feathers than a fryer at the hood Chinese spot, but it must be said. I’m all for smart people having smart conversations and trying to elevate us all from the level of stupidity seemingly overtaking the country.

That said, I’m always suspicious of people who have to declare how smart they are by way of branding themselves an intellectual. It’s kind of the academic equivalent of masturbation.

That’s right: Going on and on about how smart you are comes across as jacking off the wrong head.

And to be honest, I especially don’t get how “intellectual” is sometimes prefaced with something else. Like, say a “hip-hop intellectual.”

Honestly, no offense to anyone in particular but what in the hell is “hip-hop intellectual” exactly? An academic who likes Rakim?

Sometimes I feel like a certain faction of the “hip-hop generation” feels the need to unnecessarily add hip-hop to everything. I’m the “hip-hop garbageman,” the “hip-hop jeweler,” or the “hip-hop furniture store.”

The fuck, ya’ll. The fuck.

Bottom line: You’re smart. We get it. Don’t tell us, we’ll tell you.

“The media is evil.”

Obviously, this one hits close to home.  Let me make one thing clear: I in no way defend all of the press. I most certainly can’t stand a lot of it. At the same time, I do think people like to make the press the scapegoat in cases where the blame isn’t as black and white as some would have you believe.

Say, Kanye West. Now, I didn’t like his interview with Matt Lauer. I found much of it seedy. But, I do think Kanye set himself up by allowing him to be pulled into that conversation and egging it on – especially with the apology.

Beyond that, I really wish he had left the Taylor Swift thing alone. It was over a year ago and constantly rehashing it did him no favors. Once you bring something up yourself, you can’t be surprised if they don’t let up. Such is the way the world of 24-hour news and celebrity blogs work.

And when it comes to bullshit fodder that gets passed off as news – including sensationalized rumors that make absolutely no sense but spread like wildfire – you can’t completely blame “the media” for the way in which it has taken priority over stories more substantive.

We are what we click so the next time you want to blame the media for you stubbing your toe because you were too busy staring at some poorly written story Media Take Out stole from somebody else, think about your role in the nonsense.

Not to mention, when you try to defend your favorite against the big bad media, make sure you ask yourself: Is that person partially at fault, too?

I feel there are so many great conversations we could have about the role of the press and how the media does distort news and use its influence in improper ways. Unfortunately, those discussions are becoming increasingly harder to come by because those who criticize the loudest often don’t know what the hell they’re talking about – thereby making it easier for those with legitimate gripes to be ignored.

So, if you don’t know what you’re talking about shut up and let those that do speak for you.

Alright now, get the hell off my stoop and hop on into the comments section.

Kidding. As always, thank you for reading.

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