Stop It, Shad

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This is one Gerber baby who simply won’t stop crying. Forgive me if I sound insensitive. I have a knee-jerk reaction to rich people who complain. This tick is especially set off whenever I hear a rich person complain about what exactly made them rich.

It comes across as so hypocritical, so nonsensical, and so…whiny.

Should I hug you, Shad?

Initially, when I was alerted of his tweets in which he complained about sometimes not wanting to live or yearning for a regular life, I actually almost felt a little bad for him. Much of that sentiment stemmed from knowing what most of the responses to his angst would look like.

You already know what people (mine mostly) responded with:

Along with a few will running off to Google to share some copy and pasted “wisdom.” You know, only helpful in a really shallow way.

But just as soon as I begin to feel, “Well, maybe we’ve all been too hard on the fella!” I stumbled along this interview and instantly realized Chris Brown had the right frame of mind when he tweeted back to Bow Wow, “Nigga, shut up.”

Especially after reading how he chose to articulate his regrets over his tweets. He told Pop Eater: “Hold your emotions, punch a wall. Have a drink.”

Chris Brown is a prophet.

You want a regular life, Mr. Wow? If so, maybe you should contact a professional because anyone yearning for the average American’s angst over a fledgling economy needs serious help. And while you’re at it, get someone to treat you for delusion.

Bow Wow is a wonderful reminder of why I continue to champion the cause of keeping a deluded celebrity in check. Speaking of checks, listening to Bow complain about the image Jermaine Durpi crafted for him made me want to poke him in the eye with one of my student loan statements.

If I remember correctly wasn’t a then Lil’ Bow Wow still under the recommended age for Sesame Street viewing when he was discovered?

He said: “I never wanted to be that nigga. Ever. I felt like I sacrificed who I wanted to be.”

You were six, dude. Who in the hell knows who they are at six? So what if you were cursing on your records? You weren’t that person either. You were being what you thought was ‘cool.’ In fact, it’s quite apparent you’re still chasing that idea. You know what’s really cool? Your bank statement. Think about whose mainly responsible for it.

After that, call Jermaine Dupri and apologize. If not for him and Da Brat writing your shit you’d be currently spending your days griping about the music industry with the members of Another Bad Creation at McDonald’s. That is, before Jerome throws each of you out of the building in spite.

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I don’t see it for a 12-year-old cursing me out on wax getting very far in rap. Teairra Mari couldn’t even get away with saying nigga every other second on her album – daddy or no daddy – at 17.

Put it like this: I like BeBe’s Kids, too, but the Rugrats were the ones making money.

Why can’t he be happy with that Tommy Pickles money?

He’s right to highlight that selling 10 million albums and filling up Madison Square Garden is impressive. But, if we’re talking facts let’s put things in context. You used to appeal to my niece, Bow Wow. Never me, and definitely not my older sister. Little girls aren’t XXL’s demographic of choice so why feign shock about never making the cover?

There’s nothing more annoying than embittered child star who bitches about what image made them relevant once upon a time as they harp on the accomplishments that very image was responsible for.

If I were him, I would burn off my tattoos and go back to trying to be the new Will Smith the way my handlers preferred. He wants to be Lil’ Wayne Jr., though. Fine, but interviews like these don’t help your cause.

As of now, Macaulay Culkin is officially looking triller than you now, Bow.

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