Attack of the Crotch Starring Keri Hilson and Friends

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In a previous post on Keri Hilson, I was accused of being too harsh on her newest single, “The Way You Love Me,” and its shrieks of “Fuck me! Fuck me! It’s the way fuck me!” After watching the subsequent video for Keri’s now third single, I’m thinking I actually took it easy on her.

If you put this video’s treatment in my hand along with a red pen, I’d easily mark this overtly sexual work, For Colored Girls Who Considered Recreating The ‘Dirrty’ Video When Their Chart Stats Aren’t Enuf.

Seriously, I woke up to a video that zoomed into Keri’s crotch for much of the whole thing. Thank God I hadn’t put my contacts in yet.

Keri Hilson is a beautiful girl and she has a really nice body, but this video comes across as extremely desperate. That’s why despite the theory of others who note that I have a thing for trampy anthems, I still cannot get with this song.

If anything, this video actually makes me even less inclined to give it another chance. While I love the fact that Keri brought in great vocalists like Faith Evans, JoJo, and Dawn from the Diddetts to show female solidarity (or something), this Smoking Aces tribute seems out of whack. Was an acting coach in LA not available or was it the director’s intention to have this video double as a reel for the Steven Seagal School of Acting?

Another backhanded compliment I have is the choreography for the video. I don’t find Keri Hilson to be a natural dancer, but I didn’t think BeyoncĂ© was either and she got ultimately got better. So, way to go Keri for trying. I won’t lie: I’ve done many of these same moves before after an ample amount of alcohol, but I knew better to have my antics recorded. I have never licked the door either. Yuck. That part kind of confused me.

Equally confusing is the direction of Keri’s sophomore album. Thus far all I’m getting from Keri is that she’s a pretty girl who rocks but she comes with a breaking point if you keep asking her to buy everything for you. But maybe, just maybe she might keep you around because you appreciate the fact that she’s got that pussy that will keep you off the streets (although I thought she said No Boys Allowed).

Speaking of Keri’s pussy (hey, she brought it up) and its effects on street life (no Randy Crawford), I’ve never had an urge to bear hug the block until today. Keri and Ciara, repeat after me: Less is more sometimes.

Where as Rihanna’s subtle but sensual gyration during the performance of “What’s My Name” on SNL made me question where the direction of my piece blows, Keri’s attempt at sex kitten reminds me of what I told a few of my friends shortly before going to sleep last nite: “It is Trey Songz’ birthday. Oh to be a birthday lick today.”

Thank you, Keri, for helping me clear up any further confusions.

I want to like Keri Hilson despite the objections from her Twitter account, but while I always knew she was sexual this video comes across as it was tailored around the notion of, “I’m naked so like me.” Why do artists assume that still works despite evidence to the contrary? How many times do I have to repeat that spread eagle themed shoots don’t equate automatic sales anymore for people to get it?

That said, I’m about to throw a single on the ground and some Lysol on my computer screen. Try again, Hilson. You’re better than this.

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