Attack of the Crotch Starring Keri Hilson and Friends
In a previous post on Keri Hilson, I was accused of being too harsh on her newest single, “The Way You Love Me,” and its shrieks of “Fuck me! Fuck me! It’s the way fuck me!” After watching the subsequent video for Keri’s now third single, I’m thinking I actually took it easy on her.
If you put this video’s treatment in my hand along with a red pen, I’d easily mark this overtly sexual work, For Colored Girls Who Considered Recreating The ‘Dirrty’ Video When Their Chart Stats Aren’t Enuf.
Seriously, I woke up to a video that zoomed into Keri’s crotch for much of the whole thing. Thank God I hadn’t put my contacts in yet.
Keri Hilson is a beautiful girl and she has a really nice body, but this video comes across as extremely desperate. That’s why despite the theory of others who note that I have a thing for trampy anthems, I still cannot get with this song.
If anything, this video actually makes me even less inclined to give it another chance. While I love the fact that Keri brought in great vocalists like Faith Evans, JoJo, and Dawn from the Diddetts to show female solidarity (or something), this Smoking Aces tribute seems out of whack. Was an acting coach in LA not available or was it the director’s intention to have this video double as a reel for the Steven Seagal School of Acting?
Another backhanded compliment I have is the choreography for the video. I don’t find Keri Hilson to be a natural dancer, but I didn’t think Beyoncé was either and she got ultimately got better. So, way to go Keri for trying. I won’t lie: I’ve done many of these same moves before after an ample amount of alcohol, but I knew better to have my antics recorded. I have never licked the door either. Yuck. That part kind of confused me.
Equally confusing is the direction of Keri’s sophomore album. Thus far all I’m getting from Keri is that she’s a pretty girl who rocks but she comes with a breaking point if you keep asking her to buy everything for you. But maybe, just maybe she might keep you around because you appreciate the fact that she’s got that pussy that will keep you off the streets (although I thought she said No Boys Allowed).
Speaking of Keri’s pussy (hey, she brought it up) and its effects on street life (no Randy Crawford), I’ve never had an urge to bear hug the block until today. Keri and Ciara, repeat after me: Less is more sometimes.
Where as Rihanna’s subtle but sensual gyration during the performance of “What’s My Name” on SNL made me question where the direction of my piece blows, Keri’s attempt at sex kitten reminds me of what I told a few of my friends shortly before going to sleep last nite: “It is Trey Songz’ birthday. Oh to be a birthday lick today.”
Thank you, Keri, for helping me clear up any further confusions.
I want to like Keri Hilson despite the objections from her Twitter account, but while I always knew she was sexual this video comes across as it was tailored around the notion of, “I’m naked so like me.” Why do artists assume that still works despite evidence to the contrary? How many times do I have to repeat that spread eagle themed shoots don’t equate automatic sales anymore for people to get it?
That said, I’m about to throw a single on the ground and some Lysol on my computer screen. Try again, Hilson. You’re better than this.
Madame
November 28, 2010 at 1:47 pm
This video, this song … reminded me of a Disney channel star who turned 18 and had to go raunchy – to prove their adulthood and sexuality. It’s forced, it’s cheesy. I generally like Keri, but this was indeed a let down.
Monte'
November 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I can appreciate a good pussy poppin’ every now and then, but after seeing the video this morning while eating a bowl of Fruit Loops not only made me choke but also feel like I was watching porn at a public library. I guess despite times call for despite measures – no one is buying that album when it drops. Poor Keri. SMH!
Monte'
November 28, 2010 at 2:27 pm
*desperate times call for desperate measures.
My fault for the typos. Damn you auto-speller!!
Deluxe Dave
November 28, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Wow! Great article, I really think this video was way over the top. How can you go from Pretty Girl to this extreme. Maybe Keri is trying to show her alter ego side, but the alter ego phase has come and gone. She needs to not try this hard. I was actually starting to give her props after some of her recent performances but again she has let me down. She always manages to do this at some point in her promo phase. Way to Go Keri………..NOT!
i stan for cynics
November 28, 2010 at 3:45 pm
wow, cynical mike. i have to hand it to you–i’m impressed w/the amount of words you were able to come up with for this. i only got about 3: this.is.garbage.
tom
November 28, 2010 at 4:23 pm
DEAD ON.
wow.
you know you were the first person i thought about after i saw the video. i love this post’s title.
Makhai
November 28, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I think Kerri’s problem is that she is cute sexy, not sultry sexy.
The choreography was way too fast to be considered sexy and the bdsm inspired outfit gets lost on her thin frame.
Watching this video made me crave a little xtina – not myself tonight…which in turn makes me NEED a lot of Janet Jackson in my life to clear up all the misconceptions of what sexy actually is.
And the funny thing is, I thought the door lick was about the sexiest part of the video! Nothing on the closed side of the vault was remotely hitting it -_-
AI
November 28, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Wow. Incredibly trashy.
Lorin
November 28, 2010 at 6:54 pm
The lackluster direction of the video can be attributed to the directoress: Lauriann Gibson
Kirk Moore
November 28, 2010 at 8:01 pm
The song sucks and didn’t even deserve a video. Record companies waste so much money on bullshit. I’m sure a ‘lesser’ on that label could’ve put that money to better use.
JOY
November 29, 2010 at 1:14 pm
yep. it sucks….but we all now, at this point, that anyone who wants to become mainstream in the entertainment industry, MUST incorporate blatant violence and blatant sex into their “art.” AKA “selling their soul or going against their morals”
looks like Keri’s going in the right direction, if that’s the case.
cee
November 30, 2010 at 12:17 am
I can’t even.
I’m totally with you.
I’ve always had an issue with derogatory videos, whether from Ciara, Beyonce, et al. It’s skanky and cheap and unnecessary.
ANONYMOUS
November 30, 2010 at 10:40 am
I’m glad Karina Pasian just put her ass on blast.
Rana
November 30, 2010 at 11:09 am
I tried to watch the whole thing for the third time and failed…. I can’t take it even with it being on mute. I feel violated.
But I’m feeling that blonde weave on her though.
Julien
December 2, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Keri is pretty but not sexy. Her label is desperate to turn her into the new Beyonce. She’ll be back to songwriting in no time.
Eve~
December 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm
This backlash against this video is mind boggling. I agree though, this was not a great next step for her song or video wise. But she’s not going anywhere (there are plenty of artists who’ve had a million chances but consistently underwhelm and they are STILL making music and on a label…) So hopefully she’ll recognize the disappointment, rewind it back and try again.
3rd time’s (album) charm, right?