Please Don’t Come Back Into The Studio

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Disclaimer: The following post is themed around a sad, sad song called “She Said (Don’t Cum In Me).” Therefore, I’m letting you know this may not be totally safe for work unless you have headphones and/or don’t have some nosy ass co-worker all up in yours.

If such is the case for you, feel free to proceed:

Damn. Do I owe Keri Krotch Hilson an apology now? This video makes me want to donate lots and lots of money to Planned Parenthood. This is by far one of the stupidest, most vulgar, and irresponsible songs I’ve heard in a long time. And again: I’m from the South.

What is this bullshit? Don’t cum in me? Wouldn’t a condom be easier, you future Valtrex customers?

In theory, I have no room to talk given I’ve listened to songs like “Put It In Your Mouth” and “Ooh Na Na.” In my defense, those songs may have been vulgar but at least the person behind them could sing. Or in Oobie’s case hum without irking the hell out of me. By contrast, Maia Campbell’s malnourished sister sounds like she has a litter of kids lodged in her throat. Where is Jan Smith when you need her?

I know what some of you all are thinking and you’re right, that excuse doesn’t really cut it. Fine, I’ll take responsibility for enjoying my fair share of whore-inspired tunes. I still reserve the right to hate this song, though. It’s become increasingly harder to tolerate nonsense like this because there are so many awful people in the world with limited talent who think they have a chance in entertainment simply because they can sex it up.

Even worse, the bugawolves and mudducks are even encouraged to do it now. It no longer matters if a person looks like the bottom of my feet after dipping them in an oil spill. In their minds, so long as they mumble freaky lyrics and shoot a video featuring a “model” willing to spread her legs for a chicken chalupa and camera time they’re good. In fact, to them that’s the ticket to stardom.

Look at the people in this video. Do you want to think about them naked? Who cares how shallow I sound right now. The song is called “She Said (Don’t Cum In Me).” They forfeited their right to be judged me by their artistry with that title. Nasty sum bitches.

There are so many people to be upset with:

I dislike the songwriter who came up with these lyrics while no doubt watching free porn online.

I dislike the producer who came up with this beat while scratching his nuts.

I dislike the video director who shot this video with the aid of a boosted EBT card.

I dislike the cast for not going to DeVry instead.

And I especially dislike people on YouTube who leave comments like these:

The song is´╗┐ a little ignorant, but she sounds good though. Home girl got a voice on her.

What kind of Four Loko shit is that?! YOU LIE!

Heavens to murgatroyd. What monsters have I and a couple of you help create?

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