I haven’t been the kindest to Keri Hilson in recent weeks. In fact, one could say I’ve been downright mean. To my credit, it’s not completely my fault.
I mean, you did see “The Way You Love Me” video, didn’t you? And you did actually pay attention to the lyrics of the original version, right? Like, “Fuck me! Fuck me! It’s the way you fuck me!” Plus, that little line about having “the kind of pussy that will keep you off the street.”
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t chime in on that. I felt like it was my duty or something — especially once I recalled that only a year ago was she saying that she didn’t want to sell sex or be oversexed.
But hey, that was all a few weeks ago so doesn’t Keri Hilson deserve a do over?
Black Twitter said “hell nawl” in unison before/during/after Keri’s performance of vanity’s new theme song, “Pretty Girl Rock,” on Letterman.
I suppose there was a lot going on.
First, there was Fat Man Scoop’s slimmer cousin loudly introducing Keri Hilson — who is dressed as Diana Ross dressed as the obvious caricature of herself, Deena Jones.
Immediately after Effie and whatever they called the other one showed up on stage I was waiting for her to suddenly shift tempos and tell the crowd, “Life’s not as bad as it may seem if you open your eyes to what’s in front of you!”
Keri certainly played up the act until the very end.
It was an obvious homage that carried the direction of the video for the song (which I did compliment), but many of you were left unimpressed.
As Lauren, my friend and Atlanta native said to me via BBM: “Did she just mess up her own choreography? Is she cheesing for the camera? I can’t take this boring bitch seriously.”
I told her not to hate Keri ’cause she’s beautiful. She was not amused.
Another friend was about as blunt as she was. “Girl, you are not that hot,” he said.
He feels she should just go back to songwriting. We both know that’s not happening, though.
Okay so this performance doesn’t exactly wow you, but does she at least get two points for trying? It’s pretty damn obvious how bad Keri really, really wants to be a Deena Jones versus a…whatever they called the one not named Deena or Effie.
Was it Ebony? Monique? Michelle? Ya’ll know who I’m talking about. The one the chick from The Princess and the Frog played. Her.
I give up. Back to Lady K. She wants to be a star a whole bunch. The problem with that is no one likes the person trying way too hard to impress you.
Exhibit A…or maybe C or P in her case.
That’s another problem: This video has left a lasting impression of Keri. It’s an impression that counters everything about “Pretty Girl Rock.” Not that a pretty, arguably stuck-up girl can’t be sexual. She can, but it’s usually on her terms which “See my crotch! See my crotch!” themed choreography doesn’t really personify.
Even still, despite that video sucking and perhaps this performance doing the most shouldn’t we dig that Keri is trying? Or does her coming across as pressed ruin it for you?
I’d like to think she’ll get better, but I’d advise her to think beyond songs like “Pretty Girl Rock.” I like the song even though a part of me thinks I shouldn’t, but you can only harp on how cute you think you are for so long. Then again, apparently Lauryn Hill told Keri that women need more songs like this so the madness may never end (another reason to give up, but I digress).
But are you already over her? All seven of you Keri stans acted like I said this girl’s semi-success was a sign of the apocalypse, so give me credit for trying to give a damn (it helps that her sophomore album has grown on me…a little).
Now hurry up and answer me soon because my sudden sense of sympathy for Keri Hilson will quickly wane once Beyoncé comes back.