Light, Dark & Stupid

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Considering how it’s only a day after Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s holiday I suppose that I should be more respectful towards my black brethren. As in don’t use racial slurs, curse words, or hurl any other insults in offense over this flier. Because you know, Dr. King so wouldn’t want that. He’d probably want me to pray for these promoters and not go all Uncle Ruckus on them.

But you know what, Dr. King? While I am forever grateful for what you and so many others did for the betterment of people of color and poor people alike, sometimes people’s actions warrant a curse out.

See what I mean?

Far be it from me to mess with anyone’s way of making money, but what the hell all the same. A light skinned vs. dark skinned party? Unless this night ends in some skillfully choreographed recreation of the dance off held in Madame Re-Re’s Beauty Salon I hope every sum’bitch that enters the venue that nite comes out looking like the Great Gazoo’s bastard child.

Or better yet, may the sterilization ferry drop a ton of dust over each and every dense dome in the building. If you can’t use the head on top correctly you ought to have to seek the permission of a medical professional to use the one down below.

The worst part of it all is I’m not even surprised about this. I think within the last couple of years some random party flier promoting a color struck themed event like this has found its way on the Web. I wish I could understand why people still put so much energy into perpetuating this.

If I had to make a list of what kind of conversations I care to never have again, I’d more than likely kick off my list by permanently removing myself from the dreaded and trite light skinned vs. dark skinned diatribes. As you can see, these sorts of discussions predictably center on some instance of ignorance.

I mean, of course I get that the Eurocentric standard of beauty is still forced upon all of us and thus some nominal level of conflict is natural (until we finally reach an accord that there are bugawolves of every hue and nose size). But if you’re peddling this divisive shit for profit you diverse to be habitually ashy with jock itch.

And, you ought to enter the race draft…which is still something I dream about one day coming to fruition.

Some of you Negroes have got to go. I’ll gladly take Ryan Phillippe, Sandra Bullock, or Rachel Maddow over some of you jackasses. Especially Ryan. You hear that, Shad?

In any event, I’m going to stop insulting and start praying.

Join me should you feel it:

Dear God,

Forgive these fools for they not know what they do or whom they embarrass. We ask that you loan them a heavenly clue and the class they obviously skipped from sixth grade on up.

We ask that you help them realize that beauty is not whatever is in a rap video. We ask that you help these promoters realize that there are other ways to make money — though I’m not sure exactly which ways because we are still in a serious economic decline and shit stuff. But that’s a separate prayer that I’ll holla at you later.

Anyway, help these people, God. Please. They are ignorant and need guidance. Help them see the error of their ways.

Help them realize that blacks need to be united as a race because in the end the Korean who sold them that fresh “New Delhi” can’t tell the difference.

Amen.

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