When Pigs & Birds Collide

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In a little over a week, much of America will be glued to FOX to watch Super Bowl XLV.

Though I’ll be watching with the rest of you, I’m admittedly not exactly the biggest football fan. Like, I have watched a lot of the Houston Texans games this season, but that didn’t make me more of a football enthusiast. All it did was send my cussing count to record highs.

Seriously, it’s a great thing that they’ve hired a new defensive coordinator because for a while there the Houston Texans were looking like the Ciara of football.

Needless to say, I’m not getting a lot out of this game next weekend – especially considering the teams involved.

The Green Bay Packers? So while I’m glad the people of Wisconsin have something to be geeked about, the only team I’m into with colors like that is The Mighty Ducks.

As for the Steelers, uh, I can still remember the Houston Oilers. We don’t love you hoes. Not now. Not ever.

In the past, I would be able to at least take comfort in the commercials and more specifically, the Super Bowl’s halftime show. That is, before Janet Jackson. Just when I thought I let it go, I read about the The Black Eyed Peas being tapped to perform and I immediately want to call Mrs. Gordon.

Stop, I’m kidding about that but certainly not about preferring to watch a pre-loss Biggest Loser sex tape than a Black Eyed Peas concert.

So what’s there to look forward to if you don’t fit the profile of the regular Super Bowl Fans?

Uh, there’s food. I mean, I’ll probably make some wings and drink. Of course, on a Sunday I would find reason to do that anyhow? And before you even judge me, it beats eating mystery meat tacos for .7 cents from that fast food place.

Ah, and then there’s the really aspect of the Super Bowl: The show before, after, and in some cases during the actual game.

I’m so glad that World Star Hip Hop hasn’t been shut down because now I can look forward to all of the post-Super Bowl entertainment its offspring, Groupie Fest, will provide.

Do you know I’ve already seen a couple of different blog posts offering tips on how to nab a baller during Super Bowl weekend?

You know, tips like saving up for a good purse in an effort to snatch a man wearing expensive shoes. Or really, really helpful suggestions like bathing and not telling whatever 90 men you meet that weekend about your car being snatched in a title loan failure.

I can’t tell if the writers are being facetious, but I’m certain a few readers read their posts like it was the gospel.

Just the other day someone was like, “Oooh, are you going to Dallas next week?”

Hell no, I’m not. I’m already anticipating the melee that awaits LA come All-Star Weekend 2011.

While I wouldn’t mind a student loan sponsor, I’m not being stabbed in the temple with a stiletto. I’ll watch the fight online, though, so please bring your Flip Cams.

That said, good luck to you folks heading to D-Town ready to go down for the come up. Feel free to drop your strange change on the donate button on the side.

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