Giving GaGa Another Go

I am beginning to have second thoughts about “Born This Way.”

That’s not to say I suddenly find it to be a great song. I still find it rather banal and shallow. And I still get the urge to suddenly go, “Don’t go for second best, baby! Put your love to the test!” while listening to it.

Not to mention in some ways, I worry that while it may inspire self-acceptance among some young gay people it may have the direct opposite effect on others. You know, given it’s a song about self-love yet perpetuates the sort of stereotypes that discourages gay people from achieving such a feat. Wait, does saying that make me a drag or a queen?

Nevertheless, despite the song’s shortcomings as the days go by I am increasingly warming up to the sentiment that it’s better than nothing at all.

Much of that has to do with the discussions I’ve had in recent days and the ones I’ve been privy to witness.

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Away With All That, Andy

Last night on CNN, Anderson Cooper took Beyoncé, Mariah Carey, Lionel Richie, and Usher to task for taking “blood money” from Moammar Gadhafi (or Muammar al-Qaddafi, whatever) in exchange to perform for members of his family.

Naturally, your local know-it-all is now filling up your Facebook homepage and Twitter timelines with self-righteous bullshit calling these stars – well, namely Beyoncé – coochie poppers for corruption.

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So I Finally Met The Queen…

If you’ve read this blog for a while then you know Beyoncé is my beloved Lord and gyrator.

You also know that I’ve long felt like I was the only one I knew who hadn’t met the Queen. I would run into the other members of Destiny’s Child through work or just being out, but every time I was supposed to meet Beyoncé it fell through. My unlucky streak ended on Saturday after I finally – finally, finally, finally, finally – met her.

I have been smiling ever since.

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Yank This From The Internet

If Flavor of Love 2’s Bootz had a baby with Da Band’s Babs and raised that child to believe that being the Heidi Fliss of Section 8 housing was the way to live, you would have this woman and her video.

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Can You Explain That Again, Unc?

If bullshit were an art form, this video makes Usher the Michel Basquiat of R&B/Pop. These days I increasingly feel like I have to preface every critique of Usher with, “I’m a fan.” But for real, though, I am. It’s just that…I don’t understand any of the words coming out of his mouth here.

It has nothing to do with me being slow. It’s more along the lines of me being a wee bit too quick to fall for the okie-doke. And nothing screams “okie-doke” more than a made up and completely meaningless genre called “revolutionary pop.”

When I first read about Usher introducing this term into the public, I had an honest reaction:

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If You Really Loved Lil’ Kim You Would Find Her A Chair

I’m beginning to think Kimberly Jones’ unlicensed Mexican surgeon inadvertently sucked out her brain cells and stuck them into her ass. That’s the only rationale I can come up with as to why Kim honestly thinks this now one-sided beef she has with Nicki Minaj will get her anywhere.

In case you haven’t been keeping score:

1. Pink Friday is platinum. The first female rap album to go platinum since Lil’ Kim’s La Bella Mafia. Yes, a female rapper went platinum – in 2011. Can you imagine how many more units sold it would be if we lived in an era where people still bought albums? I bet Kim can.

2. Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are singing Nicki Minaj’s music on camera. As are a lot of other people. Still. Do you know who’s singing this bullshit ass clip posted above? Some over-the-hill queen mad they didn’t have a pink wig in his size.

3. Lil’ Kim still doesn’t have a song on the radio.

4. Hell, just look at Lil’ Kim. Even if Nicki Minaj looked like the baby mama of Frankenstein at the Grammy Awards, it’s still better than looking like a failed science fair project. No one is trying to look like that, homegirl.

5. Lil’ Kim is charging $10 for a mixtape. Lil’ Kim, a person who hasn’t had a decent song let alone a hit one in several years thinks people are going to give her $10 to rap poorly over other people’s beats.

You lose, new nose. You lose.

Despite her losing her way, I still wanted to believe it would dawn on Kimmy that this beef was a bad move and she would do much better using her time more wisely. Like say, find a new pen pal to write her rhymes and salvage her career. She found somebody, but evidently it’s Foxy Brown’s cousin who used to date Remy Ma.

In conclusion, those of you encouraging Kim on this downward spiral that is her career need to cut it out, find her a chair and tell her to come up with a new plan. This ain’t it. It is Valentine’s Day. Show her some real love.

See, I tried: Help Me: Lil’ Kim.

Your turn.

So The 2011 Grammy Awards…

Last nite, all of Appalachia gathered to punish hip-hop for stealing their phrase “knuck if you buck” without paying proper homage by way of Lady Antebellum dominating the 2011 Grammy Awards.

That is, if you are to believe the self-appointed oracles of music that took to Twitter to convey the less than subtle message: “Hip-hop don’t win shit ‘cause you Negroes with an igga don’t buy music.”

The sentiment bears about as much honesty in it as the tapped down crotch of a drag queen, but what does it matter given the Grammys only handed out about 3.5 awards in what felt like a 5.5 hour-long telecast anyway?

If the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences didn’t want to focus on who won what, why should I?

Let’s just move on from that and go straight to the performances.

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The Inmate Wives of Baltimore

Warning: The following post contains loads of expletives, strong Baltimore accents, and a significant amount of my fear (my own).

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Negro, Stay The Hell Away From Jodeci Covers When You Know You Can’t Sing

If I didn’t have an ear infection before I certainly do now. Where in the hell is Ursula when you need her? No, really, where is she at? Is her fat, hateful ass on Twitter? I need to ask for a favor.

Before you even think it, no, I am not overreacting. This is a serious offense. Seriously.

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I Need Answers

1. Who else could give two shits about what Chilli wants?

2. Who will win the fight between NeNe Leakes and Star Jones on Celebrity Apprentice? Michelle Obama?

3. What’s the point of Natalie Nunn bashing Amber Rose for not having a college degree when her claim to ‘fame’ stems from her appearance on one of the dumbest shows on television?

4. Can we get someone from the Image Awards nominating committee to explain what Justin Timberlake’s role in The Social Network has to do with the advancement of colored people?

5. Isn’t Lady GaGa basically, “What if Madonna used focus groups?”

6. How long before Carol Moseley Braun makes “Run Up Get Done Up” her official campaign song?

7. Which circle of hell do you think the people who recorded Whitney Houston singing at Bobby Brown’s mama’s funeral will go to?

8. Even if he’s practically a walking watermelon seed, does anyone else think that Flavor Flav’s fried chicken is probably good as hell?

9. How much longer is Keri Hilson going to perform “Pretty Girl Rock?”

10. Why is Uncle Usher dancing so much like Sherman Hemsley lately?

11. As much as I loved Rihanna’s “S&M” video, isn’t it amazing how much shit Perez Hilton talks – especially about black artists – and still gets rewarded?

12. Why were y’all ever down for relationship advice from Mr. Hightower anyway?

13. Yeah, we all adore Betty White but can we keep Joan Rivers forever, too?

14. Don’t you wish some of your cousins let go of this messianic view of President Obama?

15. Why do I get the feeling the posters will be the best thing about Madea’s Big Happy Family?

16. Why doesn’t Vybez Cartel understand that there’s no point in bleaching your skin if it results in you looking like you starred in The Nightmare Before Christmas?

17. Cute as she may be, isn’t Kim Kardashian appearing at the SAG Awards kind of like Al Sharpton doing the benediction at the next Klan rally?

18. If Egypt didn’t have oil, wouldn’t the current national conversation about the country still be stuck on whether or not Angelina Jolie is going to do Cleopatra?

19. At this point if Britney Spears doesn’t decide to really dance again, should we just accept her new life as the long lost twin of the second version of Becky Conner?

20. Has Lauryn Hill made it to the stage yet?