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I am beginning to have second thoughts about “Born This Way.”

That’s not to say I suddenly find it to be a great song. I still find it rather banal and shallow. And I still get the urge to suddenly go, “Don’t go for second best, baby! Put your love to the test!” while listening to it.

Not to mention in some ways, I worry that while it may inspire self-acceptance among some young gay people it may have the direct opposite effect on others. You know, given it’s a song about self-love yet perpetuates the sort of stereotypes that discourages gay people from achieving such a feat. Wait, does saying that make me a drag or a queen?

Nevertheless, despite the song’s shortcomings as the days go by I am increasingly warming up to the sentiment that it’s better than nothing at all.

Much of that has to do with the discussions I’ve had in recent days and the ones I’ve been privy to witness.

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Last night on CNN, Anderson Cooper took Beyoncé, Mariah Carey, Lionel Richie, and Usher to task for taking “blood money” from Moammar Gadhafi (or Muammar al-Qaddafi, whatever) in exchange to perform for members of his family.

Naturally, your local know-it-all is now filling up your Facebook homepage and Twitter timelines with self-righteous bullshit calling these stars – well, namely Beyoncé – coochie poppers for corruption.

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If you’ve read this blog for a while then you know Beyoncé is my beloved Lord and gyrator.

You also know that I’ve long felt like I was the only one I knew who hadn’t met the Queen. I would run into the other members of Destiny’s Child through work or just being out, but every time I was supposed to meet Beyoncé it fell through. My unlucky streak ended on Saturday after I finally – finally, finally, finally, finally – met her.

I have been smiling ever since.

I met her at the 2 Kings party. Basically, I was a plus one and despite one self-important jackass, hating ass fire marshals, and my own impatience I got to meet her.

Have I mentioned that I’m still smiling about it?

So we’re in the party, it’s packed as hell and we’re making our way through and my friends, “Michael, Beyoncé is coming this way.”

I didn’t see her at first, but I damn sure moved hoes out of my way.

Then my friend pointed at her giant bodyguard and she walked by.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

A friend of mine asked, “Did you act like a stan or did you act like a normal person?”

This is a ridiculous question. Of course I acted like a stan. If you don’t act like a stan when you meet Beyoncé then something is wrong with you. Fuck I look like.

For clarity, this friend isn’t particularly fond of Beyoncé.

I know, I know: I don’t get people like that either.

I told him that he has a disability. All people who don’t like Beyoncé do. I used to think it was simply just a character flaw, but no, it’s far worse.

It’s not the kind of disability that gets the a guaranteed parking spot either. No, their asses gotta park way in the back and do a walk of shame on behalf of their taste levels. That kind of disability.

I pray for you lost souls who suffer from this minuscule epidemic (most people are up on game), but keep that mess away from me. I ain’t ’bout that life.

Okay, now back to the Queen.

First, I looked at her and did a bow. I couldn’t do a complete drop and bow because it was too many people. I did the best I could to pay homage to royalty. I think she appreciated it.

So, I tapped her and said, “I’m from Houston.” Then she looked at me and smiled, “You from Houston?” I went, “Yeah and actually my brother went to Johnston with Solange. Same year.”  She touched me after and was like that’s cool.

She was not being fake either. Her smile and the way her voice raised was genuine.

Beyoncé smiled at me. Beyoncé touched me.

Do I sound like I’m ready to go, “Selenas! Selenas!” at any minute?

Who gives a fuck. This is Beyoncé. I’m allowed.

Especially after I asked for a hug and she gave me one.

Beyoncé hugged me.

Hold on, let me repeat that a couple of times just so I can let that settle in.

Beyoncé hugged me.

The Beyoncé.

The queen.

Hugged me.

Breathe. I’m smiling even harder just thinking about.

Then she went on her way as I proceeded to fall into a state of euphoria.

I’m not really the starstruck type. At all. I’m kind of trained not to be. But, I’ve been in love with Beyoncé since she was doing the south side in the “No, No, No” video.

I totally shouldn’t do that given the kind of work I do, but what the fuck ever. Y’all read that miserable student loan post a few weeks back. I deserved this.

For the record, Beyoncé is even more beautiful in person. Goodness. I’m smiling again. Big teeth game proper.

Someone said the nicest thing to me via DM on Twitter: “I love it! Now that you have been touched by Beyoncé, everything you touch will turn to gold. NY Times bestseller…”

That is so true. I feel like a better person already. Yes, because Beyoncé touched me.

One more thing: While I was there someone recognized me from my site. She was super duper sweet. If you’re reading this don’t curse me out. I forgot you name, but I remember you were from Houston, you’ve been in LA for a year, and you were very kind towards me and my work and I’m so grateful for it.

Over the last year there have been people in different places who have recognized me from this site. I have an idea of how many people read the site, but never who exactly is reading — you know? When people stop me to say they enjoy my work or think I’m talented and have a future it is really encouraging. Sometimes it can get really rough, but I feel like I’m getting closer.

I know my updates have become a lil’ more infrequent, but that’s due to me working on things. Yes, I want a New York Times best-seller — among other things. I never like saying that publicly, but you know. Working on trying to take it to the next level.

This makes me only want to push myself even more. That way, I can keep meeting Beyoncé and then get to the point where we can sit in the bed eating Popeye’s chicken while talking about boys and scripts and stuff.

Don’t shade my dream. It can happen.

Alright, story time is over. I’m about to go do a celebratory dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it. And smile some more.

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If Flavor of Love 2’s Bootz had a baby with Da Band’s Babs and raised that child to believe that being the Heidi Fliss of Section 8 housing was the way to live, you would have this woman and her video.

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If bullshit were an art form, this video makes Usher the Michel Basquiat of R&B/Pop. These days I increasingly feel like I have to preface every critique of Usher with, “I’m a fan.” But for real, though, I am. It’s just that…I don’t understand any of the words coming out of his mouth here.

It has nothing to do with me being slow. It’s more along the lines of me being a wee bit too quick to fall for the okie-doke. And nothing screams “okie-doke” more than a made up and completely meaningless genre called “revolutionary pop.”

When I first read about Usher introducing this term into the public, I had an honest reaction:

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I’m beginning to think Kimberly Jones’ unlicensed Mexican surgeon inadvertently sucked out her brain cells and stuck them into her ass. That’s the only rationale I can come up with as to why Kim honestly thinks this now one-sided beef she has with Nicki Minaj will get her anywhere.

In case you haven’t been keeping score:

1. Pink Friday is platinum. The first female rap album to go platinum since Lil’ Kim’s La Bella Mafia. Yes, a female rapper went platinum – in 2011. Can you imagine how many more units sold it would be if we lived in an era where people still bought albums? I bet Kim can.

2. Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are singing Nicki Minaj’s music on camera. As are a lot of other people. Still. Do you know who’s singing this bullshit ass clip posted above? Some over-the-hill queen mad they didn’t have a pink wig in his size.

3. Lil’ Kim still doesn’t have a song on the radio.

4. Hell, just look at Lil’ Kim. Even if Nicki Minaj looked like the baby mama of Frankenstein at the Grammy Awards, it’s still better than looking like a failed science fair project. No one is trying to look like that, homegirl.

5. Lil’ Kim is charging $10 for a mixtape. Lil’ Kim, a person who hasn’t had a decent song let alone a hit one in several years thinks people are going to give her $10 to rap poorly over other people’s beats.

You lose, new nose. You lose.

Despite her losing her way, I still wanted to believe it would dawn on Kimmy that this beef was a bad move and she would do much better using her time more wisely. Like say, find a new pen pal to write her rhymes and salvage her career. She found somebody, but evidently it’s Foxy Brown’s cousin who used to date Remy Ma.

In conclusion, those of you encouraging Kim on this downward spiral that is her career need to cut it out, find her a chair and tell her to come up with a new plan. This ain’t it. It is Valentine’s Day. Show her some real love.

See, I tried: Help Me: Lil’ Kim.

Your turn.

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Last nite, all of Appalachia gathered to punish hip-hop for stealing their phrase “knuck if you buck” without paying proper homage by way of Lady Antebellum dominating the 2011 Grammy Awards.

That is, if you are to believe the self-appointed oracles of music that took to Twitter to convey the less than subtle message: “Hip-hop don’t win shit ‘cause you Negroes with an igga don’t buy music.”

The sentiment bears about as much honesty in it as the tapped down crotch of a drag queen, but what does it matter given the Grammys only handed out about 3.5 awards in what felt like a 5.5 hour-long telecast anyway?

If the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences didn’t want to focus on who won what, why should I?

Let’s just move on from that and go straight to the performances.

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1. Who else could give two shits about what Chilli wants?

2. Who will win the fight between NeNe Leakes and Star Jones on Celebrity Apprentice? Michelle Obama?

3. What’s the point of Natalie Nunn bashing Amber Rose for not having a college degree when her claim to ‘fame’ stems from her appearance on one of the dumbest shows on television?

4. Can we get someone from the Image Awards nominating committee to explain what Justin Timberlake’s role in The Social Network has to do with the advancement of colored people?

5. Isn’t Lady GaGa basically, “What if Madonna used focus groups?”

6. How long before Carol Moseley Braun makes “Run Up Get Done Up” her official campaign song?

7. Which circle of hell do you think the people who recorded Whitney Houston singing at Bobby Brown’s mama’s funeral will go to?

8. Even if he’s practically a walking watermelon seed, does anyone else think that Flavor Flav’s fried chicken is probably good as hell?

9. How much longer is Keri Hilson going to perform “Pretty Girl Rock?”

10. Why is Uncle Usher dancing so much like Sherman Hemsley lately?

11. As much as I loved Rihanna’s “S&M” video, isn’t it amazing how much shit Perez Hilton talks – especially about black artists – and still gets rewarded?

12. Why were y’all ever down for relationship advice from Mr. Hightower anyway?

13. Yeah, we all adore Betty White but can we keep Joan Rivers forever, too?

14. Don’t you wish some of your cousins let go of this messianic view of President Obama?

15. Why do I get the feeling the posters will be the best thing about Madea’s Big Happy Family?

16. Why doesn’t Vybez Cartel understand that there’s no point in bleaching your skin if it results in you looking like you starred in The Nightmare Before Christmas?

17. Cute as she may be, isn’t Kim Kardashian appearing at the SAG Awards kind of like Al Sharpton doing the benediction at the next Klan rally?

18. If Egypt didn’t have oil, wouldn’t the current national conversation about the country still be stuck on whether or not Angelina Jolie is going to do Cleopatra?

19. At this point if Britney Spears doesn’t decide to really dance again, should we just accept her new life as the long lost twin of the second version of Becky Conner?

20. Has Lauryn Hill made it to the stage yet?

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