Negro, Stay The Hell Away From Jodeci Covers When You Know You Can’t Sing

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If I didn’t have an ear infection before I certainly do now. Where in the hell is Ursula when you need her? No, really, where is she at? Is her fat, hateful ass on Twitter? I need to ask for a favor.

Before you even think it, no, I am not overreacting. This is a serious offense. Seriously.

Full disclosure: I love Jodeci.

Maybe I didn’t have any business listening to them at such a young age but what the hell ever. Repeat after me: No STDs excuses my discography. Anyway, Jodeci was the R&B group to me. Like, I can still remember being in Mrs. Whoever’s classroom and standing with three other guys deciding which member of Jodeci we were gonna pretend to be. I chose Mr. Dalvin, of course. Yes, I’ve always had good taste (aesthetically anyway).

I consider Jodeci’s music to be a special part of my childhood. I liked a few Boyz II Men songs here and there, but I didn’t feel them the way I felt Jodeci. I like my music to have some oomph and Jodeci never failed to deliver in that department. “Stay,” “Forever My Lady,” “Let’s Go Through The Motions,” their cover of “Lately,” “Ride and Slide,” “I Belong To You,” “Feein’,” “Time and Place,” “My Heart Belongs To You,” and on and on.

Considering we haven’t seen Jodeci together in over a decade and that their relevance expired about five or six years before that, I’ve never really had the chance to talk about how much I used to adore this group as a child.

Well, now you know, which means I hope you understand why this awful cover irks me.

“Come and Talk To Me” is probably one of my favorite songs ever. With it being such a definitive song for a certain era of R&B if you’re going to remake it you have to be very, very careful in order not to piss off people like me.

Omarion, you failed. On some Raz-B type of failure shit. Hell, you’re singing like you have more of Raz’s secrets lodged in your throat.

I will say that perhaps the title of this post is a little harsh. I wouldn’t say Omarion can’t sing at all. He can, uh…kinda. Still, his nasally tone doesn’t fit for a song like “Come and Talk To Me.” Someone around him should’ve told him that.

This cover reminds me of why Omarion and so many others like him can’t get very far. Did he really have to flip the song into “Come and Fuck With Me?”

I’m so sick of these unimaginative, talent deficient thirsty ass singers trying to guise their lack of creativity with crassness. If you want someone to go and fuck with you, go become a porn star. Damn.

Oh and don’t think I missed the DJ shouting “ONLY FOR THE LADIES ONLY! ONLY FOR THE LADIES!”

Be for fucking real.

I have never met a woman over 4’9 who gives a fuck about Omarion. If a bowlegged transgendered dwarf with a glass eye wanted to through her draws at you, Omarion, I suggest you encourage them so long as they can show you a receipt for Ollusion.

Do not be picky in a recession when it was hard for you to sell in more prosperous times. Especially if this Jodeci diss record is an indication of what lies ahead for you musically.

I tried to think of something positive to say, because I have a soft spot in my heart for the softest spot on Omarion. Plus, that “Touch” was cool and stuff. Yeah, I’ve got nothing.

I would clap for him if he sung this in the shower — and that’s only if I had a front row seat to distract me. But, I don’t and he can’t so he shouldn’t have.

So: May Devante haunt him in his dreams…or at the nearest car wash.

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