The Inmate Wives of Baltimore

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Warning: The following post contains loads of expletives, strong Baltimore accents, and a significant amount of my fear (my own).

Ever wondered what was going to happen after multiple seasons of The Real Housewives of Atlanta & Basketball Wives aired and Wal-Mart finally reduced the price of digital cameras? Wonder no more because with the “Inmate Wives of Baltimore,” the future is here.

The best description of this You Tube series comes from a caption on one of the episodes: “ABOUT WOMAN WHO LOVE HER MAN IN JAIL. WHAT WE WILL DO FOR A NIGGA BEHIND THEM G WALLS…..”

It features episodes like:

I gotta be honest: I’m fascinated. There are a lot of extended family members I’m not particularly close to so when I found out they went to jail it was kinda like, “Well, I wasn’t talking to his ass anyway.” Same for the growing number of people who literally grew up around the corner from me that I’m finding out  are either in jail or just got out.

I never know what to say.

Hell, I barely like talking to people with bad credit. That shit is contagious. But let me shut up, because when you have a parent who blasts 2Pac outside like it’s still 1996 to entertain some of these very folks you have no real right to act saddity.

Anyway, so I watched a couple of the videos. Alright: Multiple ones.

This episode stuck out most. Why is Ms. DEE-DEE’s home girl telling her that her guy in jail needs “time for himself.” Like, he’s in jail. What kind of personal time does one really need there? Nevermind. Maybe it’s not for me to understand.

Anyway, there’s additional insight on the life of an inmate wife:

Oh and while they don’t go to Milan like Shaunie’s girls or hit Miami to stay with Kim’s rich homeboy like the ladies of Atlanta, B-More’s inmate wives still hit the road in their own way:

I’m not even mad. At least they’re not crying about not being able to afford their extra large bag of Doritos the way Cynthia Bailey carried on about that money she loaned her Uncle Ben all season on RHOA.

There’s other fun to be had:

I figured Monica’s “U Should’ve Known Better” was going to be included somehow. Or any post-“Angel of Mine” Monica song really.

Now, under normal circumstances I would probably insert a bit sarcasm into the post. Yeah, I’m not doing that in this instance. Much of that has to do with one thing: Fear.

You see this? If somebody hooks Mook up with a Buddy Pass, God bless her offender’s soul.

If someone asked me which two cities have the residents I’d least like to anger without a gun permit, I would choose Baltimore and New Orleans. They will kill you. I went on a date with someone from Holly Grove once and I recall him telling me how, “We don’t run from the bullets. We go to see who got shot.”

With a smile!

In this instance, I feel like some of the nice women in these videos could probably make a gun out of an empty Popeye’s box. That or they can hide a blade in their crotch. I’m not messing with them.

So yeah, girls, y’all dew what y’all dew. Good luck and God bless.

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