Monday, February 14, 2011
5:48 PM

If You Really Loved Lil’ Kim You Would Find Her A Chair

I’m beginning to think Kimberly Jones’ unlicensed Mexican surgeon inadvertently sucked out her brain cells and stuck them into her ass. That’s the only rationale I can come up with as to why Kim honestly thinks this now one-sided beef she has with Nicki Minaj will get her anywhere.

In case you haven’t been keeping score:

1. Pink Friday is platinum. The first female rap album to go platinum since Lil’ Kim’s La Bella Mafia. Yes, a female rapper went platinum – in 2011. Can you imagine how many more units sold it would be if we lived in an era where people still bought albums? I bet Kim can.

2. Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are singing Nicki Minaj’s music on camera. As are a lot of other people. Still. Do you know who’s singing this bullshit ass clip posted above? Some over-the-hill queen mad they didn’t have a pink wig in his size.

3. Lil’ Kim still doesn’t have a song on the radio.

4. Hell, just look at Lil’ Kim. Even if Nicki Minaj looked like the baby mama of Frankenstein at the Grammy Awards, it’s still better than looking like a failed science fair project. No one is trying to look like that, homegirl.

5. Lil’ Kim is charging $10 for a mixtape. Lil’ Kim, a person who hasn’t had a decent song let alone a hit one in several years thinks people are going to give her $10 to rap poorly over other people’s beats.

You lose, new nose. You lose.

Despite her losing her way, I still wanted to believe it would dawn on Kimmy that this beef was a bad move and she would do much better using her time more wisely. Like say, find a new pen pal to write her rhymes and salvage her career. She found somebody, but evidently it’s Foxy Brown’s cousin who used to date Remy Ma.

In conclusion, those of you encouraging Kim on this downward spiral that is her career need to cut it out, find her a chair and tell her to come up with a new plan. This ain’t it. It is Valentine’s Day. Show her some real love.

See, I tried: Help Me: Lil’ Kim.

Your turn.

Labels: grow up, you need more people
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 5:48 PM | 12 Comments

12 COMMENTS

  • February 15, 2011 at 2:21 am

    Someone needs to really help her out. I don’t think anyone wants war but her. She’s like going to start battling herself.

  • rj

    February 15, 2011 at 8:23 am

    You post more about Kim than you do about Nicki, but claim to be so fed up with her antics. I don’t get it?! Move on if you don’t like her. Real fans of Kim’s will support her (and let’s be real…even some that don’t will buy it). The fans perpetuate all this negativity and BS more than the artists, so PLEASE rise above it.

  • February 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Yeah, Lil’ Kim really needs to give it up. You already know how I feel about this smh. Note to Lil Kim: [*Insert "Love Lockdown" voice here] You loooooose.

  • February 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    “You post more about Kim than you do about Nicki,”

    Yeah, that’s not true. Not that it matters anyway.

    “The fans perpetuate all this negativity and BS more than the artists, so PLEASE rise above it.”

    Lil’ Kim has a bloody and beheaded Nicki Minaj on the cover of her mixtape and her first offering from the mixtape is a sample that rips Nicki Minaj over a Nicki Minaj beat. She makes her current musical incarnation all about Nicki. What exactly did you think I was going to focus on?

    “Move on if you don’t like her.”

    I genuinely appreciate you for visiting my site, but honestly if you don’t like what you’re reading practice what you preach. Barry.

    But: This beats telling me about my HIV status like some lunatic latched on to the lil’ one on Twitter, so thanks for the civility.

  • satnitespecial

    February 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    I really feel bad for Kim. Why couldn’t she just rest on the fact that she was an innovator and a legend? If Nicki didn’t pay homage, it’s cool. You sit back and just let the comparisons fly. Everyone was saying that Nicki was a Kim clone for a minute. The streets said it, it’s ok.

    Kim is the past and Nicki is the present. Someone will eventually come along and replace her. Life is a cycle, and Kim has yet to embrace that concept. It’s sad because I still get hype when Queen Bitch comes on when I put my iTunes on shuffle.

  • February 15, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Can I say I 100% agree w/ SATNITESPECIAL? I mean dang Kim! When I hear some of her old jawns and/or see some of them on the hip hop video channel – I get hype. But whyyyyyyy couldn’t she just let the Minaj comparisons happen? Why couldn’t she just let Minaj make her a little more relevant than she had for a moment? WHO is her PR person and dammit does she use them?

    All of this is just destroying what was a fruitful career…

  • February 16, 2011 at 7:41 am

    So the word is that she broke some kind of sales record on PayPal. 113,000 units sold. I’m leaning towards “that’s impossible”, but hey if she tweeted it then it must be true.

    SBF and SATNITESPECIAL I totally agree with the both of you. Watching this play out is becoming quite painful. I say we call up A&E and get this heffa on “Intervention” because her people obviously don’t care enough.

  • satnitespecial

    February 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Did Bangladesh give her clearance or that Pissin on Em beat? If he didn’t, Kim might get sued.

  • February 16, 2011 at 11:07 am

    [...] My boy Michael of The Cynical Ones also wrote Lil Kim and told her to have a seat. Get a piece of his post HERE. [...]

  • February 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Kim is nuts. I mean seriously. That is like a basketball player making a phone call to Michael Jordan everytime they hit a fade-away or stick out their tongue when they dunk. *hands Kimberly Jones a nicely padded chair to saddown for a long time*

    SN – I’on e’en like Nicki Minaj.

  • Oonthada

    April 20, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    First off, IDK who thehell you are writing about shit you know NOTHING of. “People” buying her mixtape that was sold for 10 bucks are her FANS. Just like if Nicki put an album on paypal, her FANS would be buying it. Second, the mixtape isn’t even about Nicki so ppl need to stop with all that “she dedicated an entire mictape to Nicki”. Third, Nicki Minaj has been busting shots at Kim WAYY before she even made Black Friday, but I guess you don’t really care about that do you? Fourth, she is not dedicating EVERYTHING to Nicki Minaj, and if you think that I would love for you to tell me how. Fifth, yes Pink Friday is Platinum. But Kim has gone platium FOUR times, Missy has 6 platinum albums (more than any other female rapper), and Eve was the FIRST female to debut an album at #1, so please stop acting like what she did is some impossible thing. Hell, if it wasn;t for Kim white ppl wouldn’t even take a like to female rappers like they do. So you need to AT LEAST give Kim that before blowing up ya homegirls head. Last, if Kim was so “gone” and “needs to find a chair” because “no one is checking for her”, you wouldn’t be spending your time tryna say why Nicki is better. Please get your facts straight and learn about ya homegirl’s (Nicki) past before you start praising her.

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