Lames and Their Libidos

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Disclaimer: This post contains all sorts of crassness, though it’s totally not because of me. Well, I follow their lead, but trust me it’s in its proper context.

Care to carry on with the entry? You know what to do.

“I Miss That Pussy” is a crass, corny, and conceptually lazy ass song that anyone with functioning ears should stay away from.

Why am I not surprised that Lil’ Wayne is featured on it? I may enjoy his music, but given Wayne’s habit of smashing without a condom all I can think about while listening to his bars is that it won’t be long before his dick looks like it belongs at Sebastian from The Little Mermaid’s next family reunion.

It’s these sort of songs that force me to listen to albums like Voodoo as if they dropped three weeks ago.

There is no way you can convince me that a song like this is more sexually stimulating than say “Untitled (How Does It Feel?”), “I Like,” or even Aretha Franklin’s version of “Touch My Body.”

I feel like I have to say this every single time I write this kind of criticism, but I assure you that I’m not a prude. Or at least, I never thought of myself as one. These days I’m increasingly unsure because songs like “I Miss That Pussy” make me want to wrap a chastity belt around my head.

I am all for bluntness, but damn.

Lloyd is making artists like Akinyele look tame in comparison — and I like “Put It In Your Mouth.” At the same time, though, I expect those kind of oversexualized songs from acts whose name I have to Google to remember. I don’t want to hear that sort of material from people with actual talent.

It’s another reminder of how painfully unimaginative so many artists out now are — especially the male ones.

Yeah, a lot of these R&B dudes suck. They’re all trying to be like Trey Songz who is trying to be like R. Kelly. Even when Pissy was at his most vulgar levels, he still managed to be able to conceive other songs like “Fortunate” or “I’m Your Angel.” I’m certain none Pissy’s juniors can make a similar claim.

The only exception I can think of off the top of my head is Miguel (and he seems more in the tradition of Prince, another artist who can be incredibly vulgar but be versatile). Sure, he has songs on All I Want Is You dealing with sex, but he isn’t consumed by it. More importantly, when he does sing about sex he doesn’t sound like he discovered his first hormone thirty minutes before shortly before entering the studio booth and quickly downed a can of grape Four Loko in celebration.

We collectively are all so obsessed with sex, but unfortunately the bulk of us discuss it in such a juvenile way.

And that is why I really, really hate this song. It’s like the kind of song you should only listen to when you’re taking a burning piss and need to be reminded of what you done wrong.

Try again, Lloyd.

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