Simpletons and Stilettos

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I swear, if you made me a sandwich comprised of tuna fish left outside for three days topped with rabbit toe nails smashed in between two muddied pieces of bread I would still have the urge to vomit less than I do after watching this video.

I don’t understand how anyone can continue to dare deny the benefits of judgment when there are videos like this floating online.

Dollicia Bryan sure seems like a nice girl, but is she really sitting here talking about how a designer shoe separates her from the rest of the girls out there? Mind you, she’s referring to girls in the entertainment industry and more specifically, other video models.

Yeah, nothing says individuality more than buying the same fucking shoe every girl with large ass cheeks is wearing after Jay-Z mentioned them in a song.

Granted, she doesn’t appear to be a dummy yet I still find much of what she’s saying to be utterly stupid.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though. They can’t all be like Melyssa Ford writing op-eds about environmental policy (or whatever it was), or hell, not even like Karrine Steffans who pens novel-inspired memoirs about the hip-hop awards shows that take place up and down her vaginal walls.

Folks, I swear I try not  judge a book by its cover and I most certainly never want to seem sexist in my thinking. Unfortunately, Ms. New Booty with the big red bottoms has tempted me to write a post that will likely lead to Gloria Steinem spitting on me.

But, I won’t do it. I will fight the urge. That is, after I’m done ripping a part her sad little logic.

First:

Like Beyoncé, she didn’t start out in red bottoms but what does she wear now? She didn’t have $30,000 purses before but what does she do now? She elevated herself.

How dare she bring up the Queen’s name to rationalize her materialism? Look here, the Queen probably gets all of this shit for free. Dollicia likely doesn’t. Why? It’s ’cause she ain’t no diva.

Not to mention, notice how she keeps referring to these shoes as “red bottoms.” If you’re so fashion forward then why can’t you just say the designer’s name?

You ain’t bad. Ye ain’t nothing.

You know, I can’t take you around events I go to with Beyoncé if you got Forever 21 shoes. I can’t do that. Don’t think you’re the baddest thing, what can we do?

Yeah, I met her highness in some damn Levi’s and she hugged me. I’m almost certain Beyoncé would be more likely give me a piece of biscuit before you. I am also positive that wasn’t the last time we’ll be at the same event. Get a grip, girl.

If you’re not capable but you still want to be competition, I don’t know what to tell you. You just have to step up your game.

I’m so confused. I get that this is all a response to other video model, Rosa Acosta. But, doesn’t Rosa Acosta mean butt model in Spanish or something? If so, aren’t we discussing the wrong red bottoms in competition?

If you’re selling sex, I imagine most of your male clientele gives a less fuck about what heels you’re bending over in. Sorry to be so crass, but well, ya selling ass.

Overall, my general grip with Dollicia’s rationale is that it’s meaningless materialistic bullshit that seeks validation through some expensive purchase. In other words, some simpleton sucker shit. So many people – many who look like me, sadly – equate a certain status be it social or economic with things that don’t necessarily prove it.

It’s awesome that she can afford to buy nice things for herself without the aid of a man, but in the end she’s under the impression wearing the scalp of a newly bald Indian woman and a designer shoe a bunch of black girls are now rocking makes her special.

What a pity that for all the money she’s spending on stilettos she hasn’t managed to cash out on a clue.

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