Not My Daddy

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As I come up for air I bear good news: I’ve found an R&B song to write about without complaining. Of course, such a task isn’t as difficult for me to do as some of you might believe. However, with all of the bullshit covers, oversexualized drivel, and confusing R&B singers out there it’s hard to not call out awful once you hear it.

You know, given this blog is called “The Cynical Ones” and not the “I’m gonna pretend this bullshit is good when it damn sure isn’t one.”

But this time, I just want to focus on someone who recorded a song that didn’t make me want to lead a séance to find Ursula and ask for a favor.

Let’s give it up for Kelly Price, y’all.

Now she isn’t the only person out there churning out good product. I have ample amounts of praise to share for Frank Ocean and Britney Spears, but Kelly Price is the one I’d like to cover here. She’s one of the few R&B singers out there who actually makes music that sounds like R&B. God bless her for it.

“Not My Daddy” makes me want to two-step, slow wind to the ground, wave one hand in the air, and make stank voices while I sing-a-long all at the same time. Hell, this song makes me want to get mad at my nonexistent man.

Clearly, I’m a fan. In fact, I enjoy this song so much that it’s inspired me to come up with a new rating system.

I am officially basing my feelings on a given ballad or midtempo based on how close it gets to me this expression.

On a scale from 1-5, “Not My Daddy” gets a:

Don’t worry, I’ll find an image to rate hood anthems, jigs, and songs that make me wanna spin like it’s 1973 and my name is Carol.

Before you contrarians for sport come a commenting, no, “Not My Daddy” is not groundbreaking. But, but, but: It doesn’t need to be. It sounds good, and with a bunch of strep throat goat sounding sum’bitches irritating the hell out of me with their Euro-pop bullshit on radio stations that’s supposed to be playing The Isley Brothers, that’s really all I need right now.

Kelly sounds absolutely beautiful and reminds me of why I fell in love with her voice. For the record, I fell in love when I realized it was her doing background on Mariah Carey’s “The Roof.” I play that song like it came out a week ago. You should, too.

Anyway, I’m a lil’ salty that this song has been out since January and none of you told me about it. Don’t worry, I forgive each and every one of you for it. Don’t let it happen again, though.

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