Don’t Blame Motherhood

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In today’s edition of lies people tell, Britney Spears’ ex-choreographer (?) Brian Friedman attributes Britney’s sleep deprived and knock-kneed style of dancing to aging and motherhood.

Now he seems like a really nice guy, but I’m pretty sure after the cameras were off he rolled around the floor laughing at himself.

He explains: “Times are different, our bodies are different. We’ve changed. I know that she’s in a different place. I know that she doesn’t want to do a lot of the things when she was younger. She always says, ‘I’m a mother.’ I’ve got two kids.”

Brian’s right about Britney now being somebody’s spaghetti serving mama so maybe her lackadaisical approach to dancing on stage can be attributed to some new parental-inspired conservative mindset.

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Nevermind.

Let me go back to my original conclusion about Brian’s rationale (or at least, the one he was given): It is utter bullshit. I saw Jennifer Lopez’ new video and she still seems to remember how her legs work after giving birth. Plus, she’s 10 years older than Britney. Why is she dancing Britney under the table? The same can be said of Janet Jackson.

Janet, who like Britney suffered a knee injury, may no longer move the way she used to but she’s still managed to adapt to a less intense style of choreography that’s lively and entertaining. And though Janet might not have ever had kids (that we can confirm), at her fattest she had to have been holding triplet worth weight inside of her.

Then there’s Madonna who is 500-years-old with a tween still killing folks. Granted, she’s never done the extensive dancing as a Britney or a Janet but it’s something. Something Britney ought to consider getting into if she plans to continue going. That is, if she cares. I don’t think she does and that’s largely the issue.

Case in point. Britney is talking about this tour like she’s on the phone with a bill collector. Have you ever seen someone so uninspired about such an exciting activity?

I probably wouldn’t care either if I were heavily medicated and still given a free pass.

For a long time now a lot of people in the press have been writing about how “amazing” Britney Spears’ performances have been when in actuality, the only amazing part about any of them is often the fact that she didn’t fall asleep — or break into some sort of psychiatric episode.

I am almost just as guilty for grading Britney on a curve. You can’t help but feel bad for a girl who people were writing obituaries for before the age of 30. It’s been years since her hospitalization, though, and frankly, she simply sucks on stage now. Her music is still solid, but the way she presents it visually and on stage not so much. It’s okay to say it. She’s a multi-millionaire. Her heart will go on.

Brian is right about one thing. On her dancing, he added: “Whatever it is, it’s her decision on what she wants to do and how she wants to perform. So we all just have to let her do what she wants to do and accept it.”

If Britney Spears wants to shake her ass for two seconds and then sit down and let her employees handle her lightweight she’s well within her right to. However, when it comes to accepting this Britney I’m going to need members of her team – current and not so current – to be a little more forthright about the Britney of today. That would make his call for acceptance a lot easier. It won’t happen, but it’s nice to pretend.

Yes, I know that her moving like the Tin Man when he’s rusty isn’t hurting Britney’s bottom line. People will still sell ass and their mother’s furniture to pay to see her in concert. She’s reached a point in her career where she can coast on past accomplishments. I’m only saying let’s not pretend being a mommy made her this way.

Saying that is an insult to all of the mamas I still see dropping down low and picking it back up.

I wonder how would the Britney from 2005 ago look at the Britney of today.

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My best guess. It’s a shame, too, because Britney could’ve drawn inspiration from Juvenile’s “Mama Got Ass (She Get It From Her Mama).”

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