Say What, Lady?

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Less than five minutes into Lady Gaga Presents the Monster Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden I was able to admit something I had been shying from saying aloud for quite some time: Lady GaGa is kind of corny.

As much as I’ve enjoyed her music, it’s hard to continue denying that she sometimes gives off a whiff of Frito-Lay. Especially given the  campy way in which she opened her concert special. Her faux Truth or Dare scene came in the form of GaGa suddenly bursting into tears.

When trying to explain the sudden tear flow, GaGa said, “I just wanna be a queen for them.”

Ah yes. GaGa is still singing that song about being some downtrodden loser in high school who has gone on to secure pop stardom and is now using it to inspire all of the other outcasts out there that they, too, are somebody special.

It’s a cute message albeit somewhat tainted given what’s come out about her in the last year or so.

For those of you who watch Glee, Lady GaGa is basically Quinn pretending to be Rachel.

According to her old classmates Lady GaGa always been pretty popular. I’m almost certain she’s holds the belief that her fans would prefer if she grew up differently. Therein lies the problem with GaGa and some of this tour: Trying too hard to appear a certain way.

A pop star needs her quirks, but doing the most simply for the sake of is boring. And when it’s not boring, it’s confusing.There were parts of the show where I wondered if she was going to pull a Jesse Spano and start shouting, “I’m so excited!” at the crowed.

Mid-way through the concert I also had to ask just what in the hell was she talking about?

I did get some of the obvious messages:

“You can be whoever it is you wanna be.”

“I can be whoever or whatever that I wanna be free.”

“The Monster Ball will set you free, New York.”

I get it, people need something to believe in and since music resonates within us all why not used the medium to inspire. Point taken, but it started to sound a little repetitive after a while.

“Tonight in the town that gave birth to me we’re gonna be super free, little monsters.”

For the record, she screamed about NEW YORK MOTHERFUCKING CITY all the mothefucking time.

Then came the GaGa the storyteller:

“To get to the Monster Ball, to find that inner sense of of fame all you’ve gotta do is follow – yes, super fans – the glitter way.”

I appreciate the overabundance of gay shout outs throughout her set, but I’d appreciate it even more if I knew what some of this meant in English.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I have a pretty tremendous dick so come on. Get your dicks out ’cause I know they’ve got some pretty big cock in New York City. Welcome to the Monster Ball. Now dance you motherfuckers.”

Exhibit A.

“You just remember that you’re a goddamn superstar and you were born this way.”

When she said this, I immediately went, “You’re s a superstar. Yes, that’s what you are, you know it.”

“Now get your guns and shoot that money ’cause you don’t need it.”

It’s always rich people telling others that money doesn’t matter. I’ve seen Lady GaGa’s ticket prices. If money didn’t matter, she’d be charging people $25 a seat like Prince.

“The only thing better than a unicorn is a gay unicorn.”

Girl, what?

“Just so you know someday you’ll be up here instead of me and I’ll be sitting in the back cheering you guys on.”

Yes, all 18,000 plus of them will soon be Lady GaGa-like superstars. yet again.

” In fact, I hate the truth so much I’d prefer a giant dose of bullshit any day over the truth.”

See previous quote.

“I like Michael. He likes girls from New York. I also like Michael because he loves boys from New York. Just like Jesus, Michael likes everybody.”

This was made in reference to one of her dancers. This is another issue I have with her: Blatant attempts at controversy that fall flat. Kind of like her video for “Judas,” which director Laurieann Gibson said, “We created the New Jerusalem.” GaGa called it a “cultural baptism.”

I call their comments a collection of meaningless phrases.

Thankfully, Lady GaGa is as talented as she is pressed.

When she wasn’t rubbing herself in fake blood or grabbing her crotch for the hell of it, she was entertaining. The antics have worked well for her in the past – my favorite being her  VMA performance of “Paparazzi” – but these days much of what she’s doing doesn’t really come off as well.

Plus, it’s starting to make her look a little sloppy and unpolished. Maybe Laurieann is right about people simply not “getting it” and blah, blah, blah. I’d like to understand, though, but based on those quotes I’d need to sniff Wite Out and pour tequila down my eyes to full grasp what they’re doing.

All and all, I’d probably still be willing to pay to see GaGa on stage. She’s a great storyteller with a good voice and does best when she’s just sitting at a piano showing both off.

I’d  have to make sure that I was drunk, though. So drunk I wouldn’t bother trying to make sense of any of what she’s doing or saying. For the time being, it’s probably best that way.

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