You Have Nothing…At All

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When I heard that Keri Hilson covered a Whitney Houston song not named “Whatchulookinat,” I assumed it was a Beyoncé stan cracking jokes to pass the time until the video for “Run The World (Girls)” premiered. Then I found out the story was real. My initial reaction was obvious: I’d rather hear Lil’ Boosie cover “Like A Virgin” than catch Keri Hilson covering Nippy’s “I Have Nothing.”

Man, where is Ursula The Sea Witch and a Deal or No Deal host when you need one?

I will say, though, the girl has confidence. Maybe some assumed she had none after the way she flung her vagina around the dungeon room in that God awful video for “The Way You Love Me,” but oh no, folks, it’s there. Why else would she dare to sing a Whitney Houston ballad?

Curiosity got the best me of way, so after listening to her rendition of the song while I give her credit for daring to dream, I hope the nightmare she gave her throat brings her back to reality. I’m not one of those people who think Keri Hilson can’t sing. I think she has a decent voice, only one for pop songs like “Beautiful Mistake” and “Happy Juice.” Or you know, one of those Timbaland tracks. But this here, this shit here, yeah, that ain’t it.

Someone has been whispering in this girl’s ear. I need her ear to buy a flyswatter.

There’s confidence and there’s delusion. Don’t ever confuse the two or you’ll end up sounding like you’re paying homage to the WB frog versus Whitney Houston’s songwriter. Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad but it’s not that good either. Worse, it’s further perpetuating this new trend that is artists from the 00s ruining songs from the 1990s and late 80s that we love. This means you Omarion, Sammie, and a couple of other people whose names escape me for good reason. Stop it. Stop it right now.

Or, stick to something like this:

If it helps, Keri, dedicate this part to me:

“Messing with my reputation, ain’t even got no education! Trying to mess with my concentration, ain’t even got a clue w/ what I’m facing!”

I can totally see Keri killing the dance breakdown at the end.

P.S. Keri looked awesome. Gon’….and use that fit and cut for another song selection.

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