Don’t Blame Motherhood

In today’s edition of lies people tell, Britney Spears’ ex-choreographer (?) Brian Friedman attributes Britney’s sleep deprived and knock-kneed style of dancing to aging and motherhood.

Now he seems like a really nice guy, but I’m pretty sure after the cameras were off he rolled around the floor laughing at himself.

He explains: “Times are different, our bodies are different. We’ve changed. I know that she’s in a different place. I know that she doesn’t want to do a lot of the things when she was younger. She always says, ‘I’m a mother.’ I’ve got two kids.”

Brian’s right about Britney now being somebody’s spaghetti serving mama so maybe her lackadaisical approach to dancing on stage can be attributed to some new parental-inspired conservative mindset.

Nevermind.

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I Need Answers

1. Is Fonzworth Bentley for real with his dreams of rap stardom?

2. With all of that extra hair on both his face and head, doesn’t Drake look like biracial Herman Munster?

3.  When Miguel’s lovely voice croons about how that pussy is his, is he referring to the pussy that used to chase down The Rescue Rangers?

4. Why don’t Britney Spears’ legs move anymore?

5. What in the 1995 font flavored hell is Lady GaGa’s album cover supposed to mean?

6. Shouldn’t the American news media and public have climaxed on its Disney-inspired princess fetish and move on from all the royal wedding coverage by now?

7. Is there no greater example of why some behind the scenes people need to stay there than Sean Garrett’s solo career?

8.  We can’t clean our rooms before we South Dallas Swag anymore?

9. To those of you lusting after Diggy Simmons and Justin Combs: Ya’ll do know Chris Hansen is just waiting for you to slip up, right?

10. Even if it ultimately proves itself to be a big hit, doesn’t it kind of suck for Christina Aguilera to need a judge a reality show for relevance?

11. How many more banal pseudo self-help celebrity self-help books can we expect by year’s end?

12. Has Kanye West given up on My Dark Twisted Fantasy?

13. Don’t you Beyoncé deniers filling up my comments section realize you’re going to end up with chicken grease on your face…again?

14. Why does Oprah want to hurt me?

15. Can someone alert Jennifer Hudson that we wouldn’t think she was shading Beyoncé and Rihanna in interviews if she would stop shading Beyoncé and Rihanna in interviews?

16. Will Popeye’s please get rid of Annie and her fake ass Louisiana accent already?

17. I’m not particularly bothered by this, are you?

18. Despite this being touted as a back and forth war of words, has Spike Lee actually said anything directly about Tyler Perry publicly since the first ‘round of comments back in December 2009?

19. So the seabiscuit on the scalp look is what’s hot in the streets now?

20. With gentleman like Soulja Boy around, how can anyone say romance is dead?

Not Today, Neffe

I wish more people would realize that it’s okay to work at a bank. That way they could save themselves from embarrassing situations like Neffe’s “You Ain’t Did Nothing.” Bless Neffe’s well-meaning heart and abundantly fertile body, but this isn’t the move. Hell, it’s paraplegic.

Maybe times have gotten harder for her now that The Way It Is is officially long gone and the fact that not even Jesus holding a winning lottery ticket covered in bacon could get Frankie and Neffe back on BET. I understand the struggle, but there’s got to be another way.  A way that provides health care to Neffe’s [insert large number here] kids, which a rap career doesn’t typically provide.

In her defense (cherish this sentence, I don’t dare defend her for this in any other one) I can see why Neffe would think a career as a “rapstress”  is not as far fetched as common sense and a bill collector might suggest.

Just yesterday while browsing the Web for stories to write for work, I listened to Ice-T’s interview with Shade 45 in which he explained the current rap landscape and the difficulties (or lack thereof) of breaking in. On how he’d go about pursing a rap career now versus 20 years ago, Coco’s lover for life said, “It would be easy to me today because it doesn’t really require any backbone or anything that comes from anywhere. It’s just if you can sing along with the beat, it’s cool.”

Racksonracksonracks.

That reality is surely not lost on Neffe, only someone should have pulled her to the side and let her know that Bow Wow has a greater chance of becoming pregnant by Antoine Dodson than she does at having a successful rap career.

I don’t say that to be mean (well, cruel) because I kind of like Neffe. She means well. But, I wish she’d take her well meaning ways to a career counselor or a prayer book.

The same goes for her background singer. I don’t know whose cousin that is, but she makes Keyshia Cole sound like Mariah Carey. Actually, I bet Mariah belted better notes mid-push yesterday than this poor soul does on this song. It’s as if she took the key, put it in a choke hold and decided to bitch slap it into oblivion.

Neffe, you ain’t did nothing but give your sister a reason to laugh with this Ripley’s Believe It Or Not style of rapping. Not too hard of a laugh, though. I’m sure you heard Keyshia’s last album. Y’all all could use a bit of musical direction right now.

Thank you, Jia.