I believe I’ve found my favorite new song for at least the next three hours. I don’t know exactly what a Toasters ‘N Moose is, but I find such knowledge irrelevant to the matters at hand. Let’s just say they’re the new Koffee Brown and move on.
Have y’all ever heard a biscuit sang about in a context so perverse? Thank goodness Pissy used to sing about women reminding him of jeeps otherwise I would have been totally unprepared for a song like this. Please get into some of the lyrical gems in this song:
Taste the honey sauce, taste the goodness of the biscuit with the honey sauce.
Don’t get none of that honey sauce on me, I don’t like the way it tastes with my chicken wings.
Taste the butter spread. Taste the goodness of the biscuit with the butter spread.
Don’t get your butter spread all on me. I don’t like the way it mixes with my mac-n-cheese.
When you’re at KFC you got that special sauce to stir my curiosity.
Just give me a five-piece meal. Oh, what a deal. A big ole box that’s all for me.
You know I’ll take cole slaw on the side. I could tell you wanted to try the potato wedges.
Is this how obese sex works?
Why haven’t these two been snatched up for a chicken commercial? To hell with Annie The Chicken Queen and her fake ass Louisiana accent. Have I told y’all that I heard that Annie The Chicken Queen from the boot is really some vegan Buddhist who needed to a gig to get the bill collectors off her back? Popeye’s could’ve at least hired someone who thinks hummus is the name of one of their chicken friers.
Moose would be the perfect replacement. Look at how she starts to move her body two minutes into the video. Clearly red beans and rice have a special place in her heart. If Popeye’s won’t hire her, surely Church’s Chicken will. I heard they sell tacos now. Obviously, they have no shame.
I promise that the next time I’m at a Popeye’s I will start singing and two-stepping to “Taste The Biscuit.” Y’all know they take forever to get your food ready. Might as well get a little exercise in before I piss my body off.