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I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there are men – and yes, that means black men – who have sex with other men, only they don’t identify as gay. And so, they might be in denial. So deep in denial that they have girlfriends. Which I suppose means they lead double lives. We should give them a name to help spread the word.

Let’s shoot for something super duper catchy. Uh, dicks and dopes. No, that’s not any good.

Wait, I got this.

How about poking pretenders? Too vulgar? Probably so.

Wait, wait. I think I’ve got it now. We can call them down low brothers. Yeah, that’s it.

So let’s do humanity a favor. Let’s tell everyone that we know via TV, radio, the Web, and print that there are some black men who have sex with who other black men but might have girlfriends, which means they live on the down low.

Do y’all think y’all can do that for me?

Oh, no, silly me, that trend started damn near 20 years ago.

Well, if that is the case why are we still talking about “down low brothers” as if this is something new and interesting?

I don’t go out of my way to knock people’s hustles, but how much longer can we keep up this narrative about the scary black double dipper?

We get it: Some men fuck other men and aren’t honest about it. I admit that I, too, have discussed men like this. On the other hand, I’ve spent countless hours writing against this myth because that’s exactly what it is.

This is not the norm. This is not the reality of most gay men, especially younger gay black men. Of course, there are some fools still hiding in closets — some glass, some more harder to peak through. But c’mon nah, it’s not the majority.

Why won’t this story go the hell away?

I watched this clip and all I could do was type expletives to my friends. To the author’s credit, he wasn’t the one that posed the question in this instance. It was the caller. However, she asked him for the reason. He himself has played into this paranoia for profit. He’s not the only one nor will he be the last. If that is their truths so be it, but in the grand scheme of things certainly gay writers like these have got to know this isn’t our standard as perpetuated to be?

Maybe not, given he played right into her fears and made no effort to dispel the notion that all of these black men are running around banging your aunties and your uncles. In fact, he told people to give their suspicious boyfriends anal probes to check if they’re “wet.”

That is by far one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. That’s not a recipe for finding out if you’re screwing a man who screws men on the side; that’s an invitation to get your ass beat. You just don’t go and probe somebody’s asshole. What kind of bizarre advice is that? How about asking and then deciding to move on if you don’t like the answer? Am I missing something? Are everyone’s fingers magical but mine? Magical enough to not prompt a brawl? Of course, I of all people do not advocate domestic violence. At the same time, I’m not crazy enough to offer a treasure map to find it either.

Or offer tips on how to get stuck in rigid gender roles.

“If a man cares too much about his body he’s gay.” That’s feeding into the stereotype that all gay men are vain. It may be true for many but not most and more importantly, it’s 2011: Most motherfuckers period are vain as hell. This is the age of delusions of grandeur and self-importance. The social media era where people are willfully showing their bodies looking to lure somebody to sex and discard. Or fight on Twitter.

Where have these people been? They can’t still be watching that episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show with J.L. King. The show is over as should this theme be.

I’m willing to go back to church to start a novena if it means I won’t have to hear anything about the down low brother bullshit until I’m ordered to buy my first pair of false teeth. We have to be better than this. Or at the very least, can we please discuss this in a way beyond the surface level? Something that doesn’t lead to a bunch of straight men making stupid jokes partially set up by a gay man. Something that might actually help foster the environment to where these lingering “down low brothers” can stand up already?

Because this isn’t helping anyone. This is reinforcing the very reasons why some men don’t want to be out. They don’t want to be put in that group. They already feel ostracized and disconnected from the gay community at large. Why make it harder for them? Or the rest of us, for the matter.

Hell, the stupidity in this clip almost makes me want to hide inside of Rihanna until the coast is clear. Thankfully, visions of pretty men saved me.

Better yet, fuck the gay men who don’t want to be what they are. Haven’t we given them enough time already? Don’t other black people know that on the other side that story has become passé? And don’t even try to front on me about that not occurring in our race ’cause it is. I know plenty of people who are just being. Hopefully we’ll soon get the chance to be heard. That is, if you cliches shut the hell up.

For you gullible women falling for this nonsense, do me a favor and buy a clue. If you need help, I’ll publicize your fundraiser. You’re being milked for money. This is practically like Steve Harvey telling you to act like a man, only it’s some gay man flipping the same sort of prejudices that screw you both over in the end. Are y’all not tired of this? Will the men who sell foolery to y’all ever need a nap on this gimmick?

Do I need to buy all of y’all asses some Tylenol PM? Say the word. I’m ready to help you help yourself.

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