Try Again, Tami

I haven’t written about the Baby Mamas of Miami Beach since that one post back in 2010, but let’s just say I got over my initial skepticism of the show’s cast members enough to enjoy it for what it is: a glorious mess.  For the record, I don’t think these women are bringing down my race. Do they make women look bad? Maybe, but so do The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Real Housewives of New York, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Every group has an embarrassing faction of itself acting a fool on reality TV — and I tend to watch too many of them do so. Sue me. On second thought, don’t. I’m not trying to end up like Tami Roman.

Speaking of Tami Roman, my post-Real World idea of her was nothing more than that drunk auntie who might be one or two swings away from needing an anger management course and or a 12-step program, but for the most part was okay. After the last episode of Basketball Wives, I’d like to change my description to Tami Roman is nothing more than Deebo with a period. She’s a bully. A loud and aging bully who will likely meet her Craig in a retirement villa. Actually, she’ll probably meet several of them there.

While people cheered Tami on as she mushed Meeka over in some nice Italian man’s club, I started to think how much of a sucker she is. I mean, you huff and you puff yet when you get a clear aim at somebody all you you do is mush them in the face when they turn their head to speak to someone else. Not that I’m advocating violence – I’m not – it’s just that if you’re going to act like you’re so tough, why fight like such a weakling?

Ye ain’t bad, Tami. Ye ain’t nothing. Achahoo…and shit.

Hell, I’m glad Meeka is suing you. Maybe it will teach you some decorum (not much or anything…you are on VH1). I don’t know why those two never got along anyway. They’re both pressed as hell to be popular with the other women on the show. Thirsty ass people ought to share the sippy cup.

Tami’s not ’bout that life, though, and obviously Meeka’s not about getting attacked when she turns to speak to the walking teapot that is Suzie Ketchum.

But we can go back and forth all day about Tami’s sucker moves. Actually, wait, let me get one more thing out: Notice that after Tami sucker mushed Meeka and lunged at her as if she wasn’t about to do anything but wait for security to pull her off, notice that Meeka had Tami’s upgraded weave (better than that stuff she got at the gas station while waiting on her order of Lo mein and for her kids to pump $5 on #10) and the head it was glued to in a headlock.

Yeah, Tami. You’re so bad. Don’t let anybody sit down next to you.

Okay, I’m done now.

I stumbled along this video yesterday and I’d like to make a public service announcement on behave of people who know better: Dumb and/or country ass black people, please stop assuming that turning on your “professional voice” magically hypnotizes folks into believing whatever bullshit you have to say.

In terms of reality TV, this seems to come from the NeNe Leakes guide to ass backwards thinking.

I’ve met plenty of people in my own life who fall in line with this dimwitted logic and I now worry if videos like these will only make more people fall for the trap.

Trying to sound smart while explaining your dumb ass behavior only makes you look worse. So please do us all a favor and cut the shit.

And for the record, Tami, if that suit actually went to trial, this stupid little speech you’re giving in this video   wouldn’t work. That nonsense about “burden of proof” is dense, too. Uh, you hit her. She didn’t provoke you. She turned her head and you mushed her. You also have a history of swinging at people in their seats. Sounding “fancy, huh” won’t negate any of that.

That said, gon’ book some club dates or hit Meeka on Twitter like, “Yeah, girl can you send me a DM ’cause I was trippin’” and save yourself some trouble. We saw you, girl, and you reminding us that you can read isn’t going to change any of that.

This message was brought to you by the Center of Negroes Who Need Y’all [redacted] To Quit.