1. Does Anderson Cooper give the best reads in news?
2. Can someone kindly let Timon and Simba know that they will never be Beyoncé and Jay-Z?
3. Is Kim Kardashian supposed to be America’s answer to Kate Middleton?
4. Considering she’s done a fine job of appearing crazy on her own accord, was this Michele Bachmann cover necessary?
5. How many more films about white benevolence towards colored people does the world need?
6. So basically La La’s Full Court Life is the show we all thought Basketball Wives would be?
7. Even though this is the most she’s moved since giving herself a Caesar years ago, should I still just go ahead and stop saying my novena for Britney Spears to find her rhythm?
8. Name five celebrities who ought to delete their Twitter accounts and express their most random thoughts in a Five Star binder?
9. Now that Tia and Tamera Mowry have proven yet again that nice people can have popular shows can I go back to watching Royce Reed call Evelyn Lozada a dirty hoe in peace?
10. How much longer are people going to pretend Kreayshawn isn’t anything more than just a lamer version of Snow with a period?
11. Is it really that bad that we’re getting another Rihanna album already?
12. Will there ever be a tragedy Lady GaGa won’t manage to tie herself to in the press?
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13. Does Nicki Minaj mean she’s going to like rap-rap again?
14. Why do people like Fantasia act like God personally hid the condoms in order to make sure she was pregnant?
15. If Nickelodeon is going to play cartoons and live-action series from the 1990s can we get the formally music channels to follow suit?
16. Will Drake ever release a first single that doesn’t sound as if its recording was preceded by a My So Called Life marathon?
17. Can you believe there’s now a little girl out there calling Bow Wow daddy without having to be assured she’ll get to star in his next World Star Hip Hop video first (congratulations, Shad)?
18. After initially wanting him deported (regardless of his citizenship), why can I now not get enough of Roscoe Dash?
19. Who are you happier to hear less of these days: Kat Stacks or Raz-B?
20. Who wants to bring this to me, minus the chives and plus two wonderfully frozen adult beverages to boot?