During my regular routine of scouring the Web to hear new music, I stumbled across a new song from Joey Lawrence. I don’t remember what he was talking about and I think it’s best that way. All I heard was Joey singing in Autotune. That was enough to completely disregard anything that was going on. How old is Joey Lawrence? Like 60 or something? That is, in celebrity on the decline years which is like dog years squared. I haven’t a clue as to what Joey Lawrence has been doing since Blossom went off the air. For all I know he could be a big singer in South Korea or Chile, hence the new material. Based on that song, though, I’m assuming not so much and that makes me kind of sad for him. I’m also a little sad for myself, too.
I used to have the biggest crush on Joey Lawrence. I told y’all I was clocking boys younger and even in the midst of the back and forth of trying to force myself to like girls, I never fought Joey. I mean, remember him in jeans? Shut up, some of y’all do. Let me have it.
Anyway, I just want to take this time to remember Joey in a much better light. This song wasn’t technically that great either, but it beats a 100-year-old ex-sitcom star from 20 years ago singing in Autotune, right? I thought so. Plus, he had really cool hair for the time. I’m pretty sure his hair always looked better than Blossom and Six’s. Their bad.
Now that I’ve appropriately (or not) explained my previous adoration for all things Joey (oh and his brother, Matt, too, in Brotherly Love) y’all do me a favor and let out a little, “Whoa!” in memoriam. For love. Or like, for the inappropriate lust you might have held as a sexually curious child, too. Whatever touches your heart more.