I’m Here For Bre

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Edit: This was intended to be published yesterday, but more pressing matters caused me to forget all about it. I did manage to watch the show last night, though, so hell, might as well not let this post go to waste. Insert shade dots here if the spirit moves you. But if it does: shut up.

I feel like I should know better than to still be watching America’s Next Top Model. For a good while, I wasn’t. I was reminded of this when I tuned into last week’s premiere of the All-Star edition and failed to recognize half the cast. About a year ago, a friend of mine encouraged me to give this show (that feels like it’s been on forever now) another go. “It’s good this time, I promise.”  I listened and kept watching. Naturally, he stopped not long after. When I tried to ask him about the season that premiered about six hours after the one he recommended concluded he was all, “Oh, I stopped watching.”


I’m going to stick with this new incarnation of the series, but I won’t make any promises about any future seasons. It’s so hokey. I mean, it’s always been that way but damn. It’s almost unbearable now. I’m keeping interest in the all star season mainly because I want to see how Bre Scullark performs. I kind of love her, even if she pours out people’s Red Bulls in acts of pettiness or reportedly snatches people’s laptops at Starbucks (but only ’cause she thought it belong to one of the kinfolk!).

I see her all the time in commercials, so evidently she’s one of the few contestants who genuinely wanted to be a model versus an actress, or reality star, or whatever title generates cheap celebrity status. Yes, that is intentional shade towards some of the other Top Model contestants – especially some of the black ones. The proof that Bre is different is the work she’s secured since her season of the show ended. And of course, her altered voice. Hand clap for speech aid, y’all. That girl said I need a city voice to earn some checks to cash at the Harlem Chase Bank. I’m not mad. I’m happy for her.

I’m also happy that Rich has returned to doing Top Model recaps. Granted, it’s likely only temporary but I’ll take it. So should you. Already he’s hit on one of the single things that turns me off from Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model: Tyra Banks.

I mean, I like “Shake Ya Body” (shut up), I respect her hustle, but damn, she’s like a Frito Lay chip on this show. A God-complexed flavored bag at that. Goodness, does she ever have an ego.

Via Rich’s genius:

She did have one really good Tyraism, though:

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. When you have people that love you, and when you have people that hate you, that is the definition of a true star. But what you want to do is maybe get a little more on the love side, but hold on to your fire.” Spoken like a true egomaniac who believes there is no greater virtue than attention! Actually, Tyra, the opposite of love ishate. And if it weren’t, and we go by her logic, what she is saying is that:

– The opposite of love is indifference.
– The opposite of indifference is true stardom.
– Thus, the way to achieve love is by being a celebrity.

I mean, as much as I find it hard to believe that celebrity does anything but make you feel completely paranoid and unworthy, she’s the expert. She certainly will do anything for an eyeball. Regardless, this seems like a terrible, terrible message for the kids. I guess they all want to be famous anyway, and maybe love is evolving along with us humans, and so what will ultimately matter more is quantity and not quality, but god, that makes me weep for the future.

I weep for the future for multiple reasons, but the increasing trend of passing off clichés as meaningful advice is one of them. She’s going to do this all season long, too. I can just feel it. But, I’m here, though. To cheer Bre on. Oh and some of the other ones are cool, too, but eh. We’ll see. Am I alone?

Edit sequel: As I said, I watched last night’s episode. Goodness, Tyra gets on my nerves sometimes. I never considered myself to be anti-Tyra, but she tested me last night. Her ego was high enough to get the lash out of God’s eye. For a second there, I was hoping Naomi Campbell could storm on set throwing BlackBerries her way as Jay-Z’s “Reminder” played. Tyra doesn’t care, though, because I’m watching her show all the same. Still.

P.S. More of Rich’s Top Model wonderfulness here.

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