I Need Answers

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1. Doesn’t Herman Cain seem like the kind of person who finds a way to work in the phrase “boot scootin boogie” in his everyday speech?

2. When People magazine reports that Blanket Jackson inherited Michael Jackson’s dances moves, does that mean we’re supposed to still be pretending those lovely white babies actually came from his seed?

 On being hurt by Rihanna:

“At the time it hurt, but she didn’t mean to. I’ll never put that on her. I was hurt because I slowly started to realize what it was. I guess I thought it was more. That was the first girl with any fame that paid me any mind. You spend days reading about this person in magazines. All of a sudden you have this number-one song and you’re at some birthday party and there she is. And you’re just some naive kid from Toronto staying in some shitty-ass hotel who got invited to this party on a whim. That’s just how it happened.”

3. Can someone please tell Drake to hop off of Rihanna’s dick already and just be grateful to have had the pleasure?

4. Speaking of Rihanna, doesn’t it look like she wants to wage another witch war with Neve Campbell on her new album cover?

5. Isn’t this just the Christian equivalent of those little girls repeating Nicki Minaj lyrics on YouTube?

6. So this Chris Brown rapping thing, is that not ever going to stop?

7. Now do you see what the dangers are of letting your mama listen to the rap radio station for too long?

8. Will someone please go treat Trey Songz and his management team for sex addiction already?

9. How much longer do I have to put up with the phrase “that shit cray?”

10. Why is it so hard for some people to empathize with “Occupy Wall Street” considering…everything?

11. Although it’s nice for Ciara to have found another label home, could an album executive produced by Jesus even reignite her music career at this point?

12. What’s eating Christina Aguilera? The shit Jennifer Hudson threw out after joining Weight Watchers?

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13. Would it be wrong to tweet and/or email this to some of the more embittered cast members of the Basketball Wives franchise with the note, “Hate on, hateful heifers?”

14a. If Vigo from Ghostbusters II had a son, wouldn’t he look like Kris Humphries?

14b. Who ya gonna call?

15. I know he’s unemployed, but am I the only one who looks at Rob Kardashian from behind and instantly hear Tim Gunn tell me to “Make it work?!”

16. If you’re already going to embarrass the race fighting over liquor in public, couldn’t you at least tell the world you settle your beef over fried chicken after the club let out?

17. Who’s Beyoncé’s surrogate: Betty Rubble, Puff the Magic Dragon, or Dwight Eubanks?

18. How many more accusations and lawsuits will it take to convince artists to branch out and stop working with the same damn people all the time?

19. Why do I feel like I’m stuck in a time warp when watching many of the recent black “comedies” on air?

20. Is there a special circle of hell for the color struck and if not, can we arrange one?

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