Turn The Other Cheek

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Does anyone remember any of those sketches from the last two decades that mocked the hell out of hip hop? You know, the ones satirizing the videos featured on outlets like BET’s now cancelled case study on blue balls, gross sexual imagery and the late nite TV viewer known as Uncut. Well, it’s becoming a lot harder to tell the difference between the punch line and the real thing. Case in point.

I don’t really know a lot about Just Brittany other than she’s from Houston, she is or was a stripper, and she’s signed to Cash Money. I have heard at least one of her songs, though. Last Christmas, while en route to San Antonio, I heard “Slumber Party” maybe 70 times squared throughout the day and night.

Oh, come on. You were curious. The song and video both remind me of that “Valley Girl” song that I wrote about last year (side note: as fate would have it the artist found me on Twitter not long after). That’s not really a compliment, but I do have some nice things to say about Just Brittany. I imagine that it requires a load of special talent to make your ass clap that hard in jean shorts so there’s that.

:::five minutes later:::

I tried to think of some other things, but I’m sort of stuck on her ass. Obviously, I’m not the only one. As You Tube user, SuperAWOLL, illustrates with the comment, “SHE CAN SIT ON MY FACE FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR!” He left off the exclamation point, but I assumed he would want one there if quoted. Yeah, I’d rather not, but give the girl credit for making her point. Problem is, the point is coincidentally where the problem lies.

Obviously, I don’t mind songs dedicated to ass, but there’s something about this video that’s way too gimmicky. Okay, so it’s probably my own fault for expecting something less blatant for a song called, “Right Cheek, Left Cheek.” I just can’t get over how much it looks like a sketch about a rap video than an actual rap video. As in the random words scrawling over the screen, noises such as “pow, bow, plow” masquerading as lyrics, and the use of other clichés such as the “funny” ass-less white girl trying to emulate her big booty black sister in ratchet. Is there not another way to highlight the gift of ample ass?

I must admit if some go go boy wanted to dance to this in front of me I’m not going to deny him a couple of singles. We support the arts where Brittany and I are from. I’ll probably sing the hook, “RIGHT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! RIGHT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! BLOW PLOW! POW!” with a lot of energy, too. Does that mean that despite everything Just Brittany still won? Are you about to get up and try the dance yourself? Y’all know me: I need answers.

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