Tip Taught Me

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For someone who initially pegged reality television as a bit of a nuisance to his family life two prison sentences ago, it was surprising to learn that T.I. chose to partner with VH1 and allow the network to chronicle all things most private to him. Now that I’ve seen the first two episodes of T.I. and Tiny: A The Family Hustle, I’m even more shocked that not only did he decide to finally hop on the trend, he’s better at being a reality personality than most — including his wife, the ex-Xscape singer turned Tiny & Toya star.

Tiny is the sweetest thing ever. Like in my mind she is from the hood part of the Lolipop Guild section of Oz. That’s great and all for her character, but not much in the way of a television show. She seems more at ease now and perhaps that’s simply because she’s happy her honey is home. Whatever it is, she ought to stay this way when on camera. I didn’t really have any expectations about their show, but I’m glad I gave it a chance because it’s highly entertaining. And I’ve already learned a few things about T.I., Tiny, and their family since watching.

Yes, I said I learned some things. I didn’t necessarily say they were all good things or anything of note, only that I learned some stuff. Shall we?

T.I. was reading in jail.

You know when someone starts reading and learns a bunch of new words that they can’t wait to share with their friends? That’s totally T.I. on this show. Fortunately, he’s held on to phrases like “light skinted” so that his fans from way back have something to hold on to. Oh, and he still talks like he’ll eat leftover turkey necks for breakfast. No shade, I got a leftover turkey leg in the fridge myself.

We live in the devil’s world.

That’s according to one of Tiny’s homegirls, anyway. Somewhere God is going, “Bitch, please.”

They really want us to forget that T.I. was born some named some dude named Clifford.

I heard Tiny say I married “Mister Tip.” And anyone’s that’s seen any of T.I.’s thespian roles know that he’s credited as Tip “T.I.” Harris. I guess if I were named Clifford I’d be reluctant to remind anyone of my legal name, too. My dad doesn’t go by his first name either. He opts for “Doc” or “Crazy Joe.” Well, I think other people call him the letter, but you get it.

The most law abiding citizen of America (his phrasing, not mine) T.I. knows is a dude named Snake. 

That explains so much.

Tiny and her folk pray over liquor.

And T.I.’s ass is hilarious as hell for pointing that out. When I finally find a bottle of Peach Ciroc, I totally might do the same thing. Or you know, not.

T.I. takes his king label very seriously.

His home is his kingdom, Tiny is his queen, and T.I. rules over all. Somewhere King Ralph is saying, “Man, why so serious?” Or am I acting like a hating ass peasant towards your highness?

Tiny has an alter ego.

Called Ryder Harris. I seriously want you Negroes to stop pretending to have dissociative identity disorder. If you don’t have the prescription you need to quit posing.

T.I. and Tiny are frisky as hell.

No wonder they had those pills on them when T.I. got arrested on Sunset Blvd. So long as they’re not violating the terms of his probation, I kind of love how they’re all over each other. I notice some people continue to question why he’s with her, but that’s the Old Bay in their souls speaking. You can tell that they really love each other. Isn’t that and the fact that he can’t keep his hands off her ass all that matters?

Now I sometimes do get eat the cake vibes from Mr. Harris, but I’m guessing he’s just assertive. Tiny seems to like it.

T.I.’s teeth are a work of art.

I bet the people who bought drugs from Tip are mad as hell, too. Seriously, who wants to order me a pair for the holidays?

T.I. likes ranch and fruit together.

I find that nasty as hell.

There is a game called booty tag.

…and I totally have a list of names of folks I’d like to play that game with.

Can you tell how much I love this show? Between this and Braxton Family Values, the black family-centered reality shows are much more entertaining than these black sitcoms floating around.

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