Toni, Toni, Toni

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If you didn’t understand why I referred to Toni Braxton as the Blanche Devereaux of R&B the first time, try again after watching this clip of her latest performance out in Los Angeles. Don’t get me wrong, I love me Toni Braxton. Her first two albums are some of my all-time favorites and I appreciate many of the songs that came later. Pleasantries aside, over the years Toni’s lost her way due in part to her fixation on being perceived as a sex kitten (but to be fair, label politics played a bigger role). Hell, a sex Mufusa. I tend to see why because as good as she sounds in this clip, I found myself distracted.

She’s making her lips quiver for every other line she sings, rubbing the Indian remy that came from the head of some now bald virgin near her mouth, slapping her thighs like she’s waiting for a tip, and lifting her already barely there dress to remind us that she has a crotch. Like, is she paying homage to her hero, Jessica Rabbit?

She comes across as one of those people that tries to make everything she does seem sexy. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knows how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich seductively. We get it, Ms. Braxton. You are oh so fine and sexy squared. So now that we’ve confirmed that for you, just be. Trust me, Eddie Valiant will still get his life and hard on in the crowd with only half the effort.

Alright, let me accentuate the positive. Again, she sounds great — probably the best I’ve heard her in a very long time. I’m glad she’s back to performing somewhat regularly again, especially after her bouts with illness. I suppose that could be part of the inspiration behind her come hither inspired performance style. It’s also nice to see her sisters behind her doo wop pop popping in the background. I can tell from her enthusiasm that Yolanda Adams Braxton is having the time of her life…and counting this as cardio.

Should Toni ever go back on tour, I’d definitely consider going. But I’m gonna need her to sing “Why Should I Care?” I’ll even take it with all that damn sex shimmies if that’s what it takes. Not that they’re necessary with a voice like hers.

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